As Beautifully Imperfect As He Is To Me
by JaneStrauss
Summary: Nessie and Jacob love each other deeply but then Nessie takes a decision for both of them to save him. After years both have matured and are happy in their ways. Will that love still exist between them? Reviews please! first fanfic. Chapter 25 is up!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and it sequels. Stephanie Meyer does. I just own Holly until now

Prologue

Feeling the wet wind in my face from the cliff was probably the most relaxing sensation of the world just after_ his_ touch. He was standing there at the edge of the cliff with his back to me, he didn't see me, but he knew I was there.

"There's nothing here for me anymore, Ness. I lost everything I had once" he told me with a bitter tone in his voice. He wasn't just sad, he was broken in the deepest way anyone can be.

_Me. You have me._

How cruel this can be? He was given to me. Not even the destiny cared that two different creatures were able to love each other in a faithful and unconditional way like us and I was so stupid to believe I could break that.

With whom I was trying to be deceptive?


	2. Welcome to my life

Chapter I: Welcome to my life

It had been 3 years since we left Forks... it was necessary speaking of our nature. Finally I was done with High School and about to start the College here in Chicago... But first I was allowing... with permission from my parents... to go back to Forks to visit my people... Grandpa Charlie, Grandma Sue, Uncle Seth, Aunt Leah, werewolves friends and Jacob... my very best friend whom I haven't seen in three years when I was physically fourteen years.

He wanted to come with us but since Sam decided he wanted to get old because of Emily then Jake became the only and rightful Alpha of the Quileute Tribe in charge of fifteen werewolves. I had to admit Jake was the person I most wanted to see. Since I born I feel like if I belong to him and he belong to me. Those three years went painfully without him at my side but my dad was right... Jake's life wasn't about me and we have to do our lives apart.

But I wasn't to think about that, all I wanted was seeing him.

I was staying in Grandpa Charlie's house two entire months while my trip and that suit me better than everything because I'll be able to see the wolves more time than when I lived in Forks with my family.

I arrived at the airport in the morning at 10 o'clock, I saw my grandparents waiting for me together with Seth and Leah. I was so glad to see them after all these years and to see my grandparents got older but Seth and Leah don't, but at the same time I went sad because I hadn't seen Jacob anywhere. I mean he did know about my arrival... well maybe he had something to do. I hugged everyone there and when it was Seth's turn I let him know with my gift my big doubt.

_He couldn't come, right?_

Seth looked me in the eyes and then he lifted _his_ over my head to look forward, then he looked at me again and a huge smile spread over his face. He didn't answer, he just let me go from the hug and he was still smiling, his contagious smile couldn't make me smile. I mean we were best friends... why he didn't show up today?... I thought this was important... It had been three...

"There's no hug for me?" I heard someone said at my back... it wasn't someone... I was the voice I really wanted to hear: Jacob's. I turned around to see him and there he was. My best friend was staring at me with a serious look but the second our eyes meet a huge smile spread over his face, even wider than Seth's. In that very moment I felt something I've never felt before, I felt like a click between us... as if the universe was straightening up only because Jacob and I were staring at each other. Everything was in its place in that moment and I felt like if I was capable of breathe deeply for the first time in three years. A huge smile spread over my face too and I ran into him. I crashed into his chest and I put my arms around his waist while he did the same with his arms around my back. I could breathe his warm scent of always, that marvelous one with the smell of wood, earth and rain. Though I realize he was the same as always, today he looked so handsome with his short cropped black hair and his black sweater and jeans... he looked mesmerizing. _Why I'm thinking about Jacob that way? _ He interrupted my thoughts whispering in my ear.

"Didn't you think that I wasn't going to come, right?

I smiled ashamed, of course I thought he was not going to come and now I was regretful because of that, he'll never fail me. I answered him with my gift.

_Sorry, I thought maybe you were busy or something..._

"I'll never going to be busy for you, Ness" The way he said my name just shocked me for the first time ever, being in his arms was pure heaven, I felt my heart pumped so hard in my chest that I prayed for him not to notice that. _Why was happening this to me?_ Not with him... not with my best friend.

"How was your trip?" he asked me after I didn't say anything.

"Pleasant but very long," he smiled me again and I couldn't remember what I was thinking.

"I really missed you, Ness" he said that to me very serious and my heart pumped even harder.

"I missed you too, Jake, a lot" I hugged him again.

"Yeah yeah we all missed her a lot" Seth said with a funny-annoying tone "but can we go now? I'm hungry". Jacob smashed his arm and I laughed.

"If you go for my baggage we will leave faster..." I said to Seth, "Done" and he left looking for my bags. Leah came to us.

"Hey, we're having a bonfire in your honor tonight, you're coming, right?" She said while Jacob took my hand in his and we started to walk to the door. _What did Leah said? Hamster… faster!... a bonfire… right._

"Of course, I want to see everyone... Billy, Sam, Emily, Embry, Quil, Claire, Rachel... even Paul" Jake laughed deeply and that sound filled my heart. _Come on!_

"I don't know if I should believe you... nobody ever wants to see Paul" Jacob told me.

"Well, three years it's pretty long time," and then I saw Jake's truck. My mouth dropped.

"This is your truck?" he could see my face and he laughed again.

"Yes" that was a really nice and expensive truck and I didn't know Jake was rich. I liked the rabbit

"I didn't know you were rich."

"I'm not, I just saved money for this truck and the company gave me a discount because I work for them. I told ya, it's a car company in Port Angeles."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Where's the Rabbit?" he smiled and shook his head laughing.

"I still have it, but I can't use it for my work because of my boss. He's very special if we're talking about his employee's presentation."

"He doesn't know about good cars," I said playfully.

"I know," we both laughed and he helped me to enter in the passenger seat next to him. We were all in the car, except for Seth.

Jake turned on his truck and Seth came running with my bags.

All the way back to Forks Jacob and I talked about a lot of stuffs.

"And how's Bella and Edward?" he asked.

"Awesome, they were happy that I was coming, though at the beginning they didn't want me to come"

"You're going to be their baby girl always," he said to me and I felt the urgency to tell him I wasn't a girl anymore.

"I'm not a girl anymore. I'm a woman now" he took his eyes from the road to look at me for a second and then he looked the road again. Seth coughed in that moment.

"And how's Carlisle? And Esme?" Seth asked.

"Both are fine, Carlisle got recently a great job in the Cook County Hospital and he's happy about it and Esme... well, she's always happy." Seth laughed.

We came to Grandpa Charlie's house in two hours and Jake helped me with the bags. Jake and I went to the top floor to my room, my mom's actually and he left my bags beside my bed. It was a pretty small room compared with mine but still worked and… well... this was a room with history... the love of my parents and Jacob's internal fights. I took Jake's hand and sat him with me in the bed. He seemed to be very happy with me and that was all it matters.

"I'm happy to be here and happier to see you again," I truly said to him.

"And I'm happy you're here even when I know you're going to rip my heart in pieces when you go away" he said to me, an unrecognizable pain came to my hands and I didn't know what it was but I wanted so much to touch him… to feel him.

"I will never do something bad to your heart on purpose," I said touching his face in an act of irresponsible audacity, "but we're not going to think about that right now, didn't we?"

"You're right."

"Better we should go downstairs for something to eat for you, you're hungry, I can tell." I said to him and his charming smile appeared again in his beautiful face. _Charming? Beautiful? Where did that come from?_

"Three years and you can still read me better than everyone else" I took his hand and guided him out of my bedroom to the kitchen where Grandma Sue was fixing something for his always hungry son and for the rest of us. After an hour ago everyone were finished their food and Jacob, Seth and Leah stood up and Jake turned to see me.

"We have to go now, Ness, it's our patrol time, but I'll see you later at the bonfire, ok?" he said to me almost asking for my permission.

"Sure, sure" I said and he laughed and leaned to kiss me in the cheek. And after that they left.

"Hey Grandpa, do you mind if I take a nap?"

"Not at all, beauty, go" he told me and I left to my room. I needed that time alone.

I rushed through the door and throw myself in the bed. What was wrong with me? Why was this happening to me? This has to be kind of a joke. I couldn't think of Jacob that way... he was my best friend. God, I couldn't help to think about him. He was gorgeous in every way; he was intelligent, strong, mature, sweet, kind, sexy… my list could be everlasting. I'd never saw him like that because I was fourteen years the last time I saw him three years ago and I was just a silly girl but today I'm finally able to see him like he always was... a man. A real man... not just my older brother when I was born, not just my babysitter when I was three years old and definitely not just my best friend now. He was a real man, those ones which the women in romantic movies fight for. Those ones that every woman wants to spend her life with. Those ones who can break your heart if they don't love you back.

I got it in a second I was now in love with my best friend and it took me only ten seconds in the airport... was like love at first sight. I'd seen him my entire life but when the time to change from a girl to a woman came I've taken away from him and I never realized how attractive and interesting he was. I remember my first infatuation in my sophomore year, he was no one besides Jacob, what I felt for Matt was nothing compared with I feel now for Jacob, it has to be love, that need to have him with me, to touch him, to... kiss him.

What I'm going to do? I'm not going to tell him, I would only make things more complicated because he would feel sorry for me and for not loving me back. Great. And it's going to be two months.

I fell asleep until I felt my grandpa's hand shaking my shoulder. "Beauty, you have to wake up, the bonfire, remember?"

"I'm awake, thank you." When I was awake the first thing that came into my mind was Jacob, I wanted so badly to see him. "We're leaving now?"

"Yeah Sue and I we're just waiting for you"

"Ok, give me five minutes"


	3. Where'd you go?

Chapter II: Where'd you go?

I fix my hair and my makeup and then went outside the house and into the cruiser police car. We made half hour until we got to La Push reservation, I saw Jacob's truck parked, as soon as grandpa parked too I rushed out of the car and went to said hi to everyone. I saw Sam, Emily, Embry, Quil, Claire, Rachel and Leah, after them I went specially to say hi to Billy, he was very nice with me even when I´m Edward's daughter. He never felt comfortable with the vampires but he accepted my family just because Jacob's friendship with me. Billy was a good man and he really liked me.

"Hey, Billy, how's it going?" I said to him hugging him in his wheelchair.

"Look at you; can I know when did you grow up?" he told me hugging me back.

"Three years ago," I said while I downed on my knees near to him.

"You're so beautiful. Lucky the guy you'll choose," he said touching one of my cheekbones.

_It can be your son? _

"I'll hope he like me to," I trailed off revealing, without my consent, the deepest of all my desires.

I went to the back of the wheelchair and pushed Billy near to the bonfire.

It was almost half hour since I came and I didn't see Jacob anywhere. Leah came to me and we sat together in front of the bonfire, we talked about a bunch of new stuff related with the pack, Quil was now in a serious relationship with Claire, Paul and Rachel got married two years ago and Embry was more than happy because he imprinted on a beautiful girl from La Push High School, these things sounded great and I was happy for them but subconsciously I was thinking about Jacob.

"Hey, where's Jake? His truck is over there..." I asked to Leah.

"Oh, he's still on patrol, Brady didn't showed up because of problems with his mother and Jacob took his shift"

"So he's not coming?"

"Yes, he's coming... just a little late"

After a while of chatting with Leah about practically nothing, two warm hands placed in my shoulders at my back, I didn't need to turn to know it was Jake, his mesmerizing woody scent told me everything. I just placed my hands over his.

"Hi, sorry I'm late" he told me smiling me

"I forgive you" I smiled at him and he bent down to kiss my forehead, immediately I blushed and my heart rushed in a pleasantly way while I watched him.

"I'm going for some food and I'll be back in a minute" I saw him leave close to Emily's house looking for some food and then suddenly a girl whom I hadn't seen before approached him and she placed her hand over Jacob's shoulder, he turned to watch her and I could see he mouthed a "Hi", she looked too girly and tan, she was a Quileute too. Instantly fire flood through my veins because it was obviously she was too close to him.

"Who's her?" I asked Leah, she lifted her face and looked to my direction.

"Oh, she's Jake's girlfriend" In that exact moment I felt as my heart ripped to the half at the same time as was squashed. A pain that I had never wanted to feel filled me.

Jake had a girlfriend, of course he had. _How could you have been so stupid, Renesmee?_ I was very busy thinking of him that I never detained to think that he might have a girlfriend, I mean... why not? I wasn't the only one who could see Jacob's perfection. _But what was I thinking? _

"I didn't know Jacob had a girlfriend" I said, into my thoughts.

"He doesn't know either," Leah told me and then she started to laugh soundly.

"What?" what did she say?

"That's Jake's little girlfriend, everybody knows except for him," she continued laughing even harder.

"I don't understand, Leah"

"She's Holly, she's a Quileute too, and she's deeply in love with Jake since I can remember, it's funny to see how she always try to flirt with him and he never realize what she's doing, for him she's just a silly girl" In that right moment I felt how the air came back to my lungs and the blood to my heart, Jacob hadn't a girlfriend.

"It's not funny," I said unable to content my angry, I wanted so much to punch Leah for what she made me feel.

She turned around to see me and her face became suspicious and a little smile spread over her face.

"Oh, I think someone else likes our Alpha male besides Holly" I lifted my face worried. _Was I that obvious?_

"Why you asked me that?" I was so nervous that I could say I was shaking.

"I don't know" she told me.

"I'm not answering your question"

"I'm not gonna to tell him" I didn't even move when she said that, worse of hiding my feelings would be telling it at the wrong person

"So, you do like him then," she pushed.

"I'm not going to play this game with you, Leah" I said to her very calm. Though the hysteria was taking control of my will.

I saw Jacob coming back with that annoying girl next to him, Leah had right, and he didn't even look at her, well... not the way she would like. He sat right next to me with a plate of food, he was smiling me. The girl saw me with mystery eyes, she clarify her throat.

"Oh, Ness she's Holly, she's from here, do you remember Collin? She's her sister," Jacob told me and I was more than happy because he didn't even introduce her as a friend.

"Nice to meet you, Holly," she gave me a fake smile.

"And, Holly, she's Nessie, my best friend and personal toy," he said while was placing his arm around my shoulder and giving me a half hug. I punched slightly his stomach and he laughed.

"Nice to meet you too, Nessie" I smiled, she sat with us in our little circle, we were Leah, Holly, Jake and me. Then she started to ask me about my life.

"Since when you're friends?"

I was about to answer but Jacob did it first.

"Since the day she had born, eighteen years ago. Long time, hum?"

"Yeah, long time actually... And you're from here too?"

"I do, but now I live in Chicago with my family. This is the first time in three years that I come back."

"Oh, and the friendship remains," she trailed off, with a sour tone. But Jacob was certain about answering her questions or insinuations.

"Of course, you can't erase eighteen years," Jacob didn't realize what he was doing, he didn't want to make her feel bad, but he was doing it.

"And how long are you staying?" she asked me.

"Two months, before starting college."

"Oh, that's great, well I hope to see you again, I have to go now," she stood up and leave. I wasn't a bad person but I didn't like this girl and I knew that was because she was in love with Jake.

After a while of talking about our lives in three years, Jacob left for ten minutes because Billy was calling him.

"So, I had right about the sick love she has for Jacob?"

"I didn't see anything wrong, she's only in love with him, sue her. I mean, I don't blame her, Jacob's an amazing guy and everyone can fall for him."

"Yeah but he's not her amazing guy, is your amazing guy."

"What did I tell you about shutting the hell up?!!" I said to her, she was getting on my nerves.

"Hey, language missy... and I don't care what you said."

"You know, three years ago you where nicer than now."

"Bite me," she told me

"You know I can," her eyes widened and then she laughed very loudly. "Stop it, Leah!"

"Don't tell me you don't like him even a little"

"I told you I'm not going to answer your questions"

"Why? Because he can read my mind in wolf form? If it's because of that I promise you I'm not going to be a wolf until you decide tell him everything."

"That's stupid."

"Ness, I'm your only girl friend here and I know you and in the deepest you know you want to tell someone about this." _How did she do that? She really knew me because I was dying to tell someone about this._

"You really want to know? Even if you can't change?"

"I do"

"Well... Fine!. I'll do it, but not here, wait until we'll get home"

"Deal!" she said, already impatiently. After a minutes Jake came back and we continued talking and talking for two hours more, then Grandpa Charlie told Leah and I that was time for us to leave. I said goodbye to everyone and then I reached the car with Jake, he hugged me.

"Hey you want to do something tomorrow?" Jake asked me and I felt my heart jump in my chest. _He was_ _asking me on a date? Stop It. He's only asking you to go out because we're FRIENDS!! Gosh, what was wrong with me?_

"Sure, any plan?"

"We can go to First Beach tomorrow night. Because I work in the morning..." he trailed off asking me.

"Oh, it's ok for me. Don't hurry up yourself, tomorrow night sounds good."

"Ok then, I'll pick you tomorrow at 7 o'clock..."

"Deal..." I reached on my tip toes and he leaned down, because he knew I'll never be able to reach his face by myself, and I kissed his cheek. "See you tomorrow..." I smiled him and suddenly I blushed, he notice that because he smiled me when he saw my ashamed face. I climbed in the car and we left.

We reached the house and I went upstairs to my room, Leah didn't come with us, so I was trying to avoid her and her questions. I changed my clothes for my pajamas and I climbed on my bed and forcing myself to sleep fast.

"You're not going to get yourself out of this so easily" I heard Leah told me probably from my door.

"I thought you weren't coming," I lied; I did know she was coming; she wouldn't miss this gossip for nothing.

"Yeah, sure," she said and came to sit next to me in my bed. "So..." she trailed off.

"So… what?" I said trying to look innocent.

"C'mon Ness, you know what, don't make me say all the speech again"

I sighed in defeat; she was not going to let this go.

"Wait," she spoke again before I could answer her again "tell me the most important thing... do you like him?" she asked unsinuously. Why lie? Leah was my best friend and how she said, I was dying to tell someone and that someone could tell me what to do. But for some reason I couldn't, I know Leah was my friend but I was so afraid. I just realize of my feelings today and will be too soon and insecure to talk about this.

I sighed. "No, Leah. I don't like him. I mean he's an awesome guy but we are just friends. You can't keep trying to make it work."

"Are you serious Ness? Do you really think I'm going to believe that?"

"I hope you will," I said turning around my right side saying to her with my last action that the conversation was over.

I felt her close to my ear and whispering. "You're gonna pay for this Renesmee Cullen."

I knew she wasn't as serious as it heard, but still was a really threat. I decide to not answer her. I was thinking in more important things like my "date" with Jacob tomorrow. Well… it wasn't a real date but... whatever… still counts for me. I haven't been in First Beach in years and that excited me too, that one was the best beach I've ever seen because though the fact that was a beach (and beach is equal to sun and heat) still wasn't very sunny, actually hardly was sunny and that give to First Beach sort of a dark impression and I love it.

That night I had my first weird dream, not that I always dream with bunnies and little bears but my dreams haven't been that… strange.

_I was in First Beach looking at the edge of the ocean. Then suddenly I felt the most amazing sensation in the world: two warm and big arms wrapped in my waist and hot sighs in my neck._

"_Beautiful, isn't it? There where the water touches the sky. Something you thought you will never see. When I was little I begged my mom to take me there, to see closer how the ocean joined the sky."_

_In that moment when a wet amazing breeze hit my face everything around me disappeared; Jacob's arms, Jacob's hot sighs, Jacob himself, some rocks weren't in the same place but the beach still looked the same. I was confused. Where was Jacob? _

_Then a beautiful and thin woman run near to me, she was beautiful, her skin seemed so tan and soft and her facial features were almost perfect. She looked scared and worried. She got closer to me every second but she didn't notice me there, she didn't even look at me._

"_Jacob?!" She screamed to the ocean. "Jacob?!"_

_Jacob? She was looking for him like me? How does she know who's Jacob?. I stared at her and I realized I knew those eyes shape, those slightly dimples, those lips… But before I could say a word a little boy came running from behind the rocks. I knew this boy. He was like six or seven years old, pretty little but still, the soul of the love of my life was there. That boy was Jacob._

"_Jacob Black, where have you been?" the stunning woman said to him._

"_I was behind the rocks, mom." Mom… that woman was Sarah Black._

"_What have you being doing there?"_

"_I was building a boat, I want to go there," Jacob turned to look at the edge of the ocean. "But I couldn´t build it, it's too hard. Mom, could you take me there, I want to see it close."_

"_Will see, first you need to finish your homework. Come on, let's go back home," she said taking Jacob's little hand and took him with her. Just before he leave, he turned to the beach and then too me. He saw me. He could see me! I knew it because he continued staring at me. He smiled and then left with his mother._


	4. Stop and Stare

**Hi, everyone… thank you for my 5 reviews, I would like to have more… please… show me some love… thank you anyway**

**I have a playlist that helps me while I'm writing, I'm gonna post it in my profile soon, just for you to know my inspiration sometimes.**

_**Chapter III: Stop and Stare**_

That was really strange. I've never seen kid Jacob before let alone his mother, all I knew was that she died in an accident and that she was beautiful. How could I have imagined this? My dream was very real, the kid really looked like Jacob and the women could easily be the woman Billy described to me once like Jacob's mom. The curiosity begun to itch, I wanted to know if the pretty woman of my dream was real or I just imagined she was the mother of my Jacob.

_My Jacob? Here I go again._

I got up from the bed and I dug into my baggage looking for something to wear. I took a shower and went to downstairs; Grandpa and Sue were taking breakfast.

"Morning" I said to both

"Morning," both said at the same time.

"Where are Seth and Leah?" I asked, I haven't seen them anywhere.

"Seth's still sleeping in his bedroom and Leah left this morning, she wanted to help Emily with her kids."

That was opportunity I needed, I could go to La Push to help Emily and Leah and accidentally might be going to see Billy.

"Hey Grandpa, can I go to La Push to see Emily and help Leah?"

"Sure, honey, aren't you going to take some breakfast?" my grandpa told me. That was awkward, how could I tell my grandpa that I don't like food because I'm half vampire and I would prefer blood, without freaking him out?

"Um… I'll take some in Emily's house, she always has food," I tried to sound funny, though for me was very false. I think he believed me.

"And who's going to take you there? It's pretty far." Charlie told me. I hadn't thought about how to explain my grandpa that I could run perfectly towards La Push without getting tired and in fewer quantity of time than any car here.

"I'll do it," a still-asleep voice came from behind me. Seth looked pretty groggy but he wasn't wearing pajamas, he went to the fridge and took a portable bottle of juice.

"Then go," he kissed my cheek and he flinched slightly when he touched my hard skin with his lips.

"See you later grandpa. Bye Sue!"

"Let's go, Ness." He took me out pushing me by the shoulders with his huge hands. I remembered how Jacob did the same last night and I remembered all the things I felt at once, Seth was one of my most beloved friends and I like him a lot but he wasn't Jacob. That simply action confirmed me what I was feeling for Jacob wasn't normal between friends but was perfectly normal between a gorgeous boy and a silly girl.

"Do you want me to get you in the car too?" Seth told me and I came back from my thoughts.

"It wouldn't bother me" I said and he pushed me slightly. He opened my door and I got inside. He drove as fast as every mythical creature I knew.

"You're going to the beach?" he asked me while was driving.

"Um… no. I'm going to spend some time with Emily, to meet her and Sam's kids and to help Leah with them."

"Take them to First Beach, you haven't been there in three years," I didn't know what was going on with Seth, but I was positive he knows mine and Jacob's plans for tonight.

"I'll be there later… with Jacob," I said closing my eyes waiting for the laugh or the insinuations.

"Oh, that's great," was all he said. Though his expression was amusing, he was laughing with some internal joke.

Really? Not even a slight smile? Why he was trying to be serious? _Oh, that's great? _Those weren't Seth's words.

"You have patrol?" I asked him.

"Not now, I have to organize today's shifts. I'm the Beta you know."

"I didn't know you where the pack's Beta. I thought was Leah."

"She was but since Emily's wedding plans and her job she wasn't able to take Jacob's place when he was working, so I assume that job."

"It seems that Jacob has a great job…" I trailed off

"He does, he started two years ago being just one of the multiple mechanics in the company and now he's supervision's chief, boss of those multiple mechanics."

"Wow," was all I could say. I was proud of how far Jacob has gotten with his mechanical skills, finally he got a stable job and even he had people working for him.

"He can't risk that awesome job because of a pack that can take care of themselves. Besides the girl wouldn't be I impress if he get fired."

What? The girl?

"A girl?" I asked. What was wrong with the Clearwater siblings? Why both were trying to break my heart?

"Yeah, is this girl Jacob met long time ago, he likes her so he's trying to impress her with the job."

I didn't know what to say, I was sad and heartbroken again. Seth looked at me for a moment and his eyes went again to the road.

"Is this girl Holly?" I asked.

"Who?," he said at first not knowing about who I was talking about. Then he reminded her. "Oh, got it. No it's not her."

"So, who is the girl, then?"

He smiled me devilishly.

"I can't stay here forever," he said indicating with his chin towards my window. I didn't realize we were at Emily's house already.

"Oh, sorry. Thanks for the ride." I said while climbed out of the car.

"See ya later kid." He said driving away. _Kid!? Do I really look like a kid?_

I made my way to Emily's house, the noise were audible from outside. I knocked the door and Leah opened it.

"Ness? What are you doing here?" she asked me. She had a pretty little tan girl in her arms.

"You left me alone in the house, what suppose I was going to do?"

"Oh, I didn't know you wanted to take care of kids"

"That's Emily's daughter?" I pointed with my chin to the little girl in her arms.

"Oh, yeah, she's Allison Emily Ulley," the baby girl was sleeping, she wasn't a new born but still was a baby. Then a little boy like of two years old came and hugged Leah's leg.

"And this warrior here is Joseph Samuel Ulley," the little boy was exactly like his sister, both were very similar with Sam.

"Hey," I said to him and he smiled to me.

"Nessie," Emily greeted me from inside too. "Hey, isn't too early for you?"

"Not at all. I'm awful trying to get up myself late." Emily laughed.

"Come in, then." I came inside the house, which was little but perfectly decorated and warm. Emily's house smelled like cookies and coffee sometimes. I liked her house because was like I always have imagined the houses in tales would be.

"You want some cookies? I made them a while ago," she asked. How could I deny something to Emily? I didn't like human food in general but cookies, ice cream and burgers weren't that bad.

"Sure," I said.

After a while of playing with Emily's kids in the living room Leah and Emily got distracted planning what Emily's was cooking for the siblings' lunch. I left the house very silently and I made my way to Billy's house. I was hoping he was there.

When I reached the house I realized was empty, maybe Billy was fishing or in my grandpa's house, but I couldn't waste this opportunity. The front door was closed but not the back doors so I decide do this by myself. I entered the house. I started looking in the living room for pictures.

It has to be a photo by somewhere. I looked by everywhere in the living room. None. Well… think Renesmee… _Jacob's room._ There most me some picture of Jacob's mom in his room.

I went to the right at the beginning of an aisle and I saw four different doors. Two were closed and two were open. I looked into the open doors rooms, the first at the right was Billy's room, looked pretty normal from outside but I didn't dare to enter. The next one next to Billy's was the other door open and it was the bathroom, the next one was closed so I opened it and I saw an bedroom with all the bedroom things but looked abandoned, there were twin beds so I figured out this one was Rachel and Rebecca's room. There was only one room left: Jacob's.

I made my way to his room and entered it, when I opened the door I found myself with a washer and a tumble dryer, clothes apparently soon-to-wash in the floor and a plate for ironing. What was all this? Wait. I knew what was all this but… there was none room left… where was Jacob's room?

I thought for a moment and I concluded that his room wasn't here because he probably had his own apartment. That disappointed me a little bit; I wanted to see his room.

I focused on what I was looking for… there must be a photo of Sarah Black in this house. I fight with my conscience and decided I was going to enter in Billy's room.

I did it, the room smelled exactly like Billy and it was a little messy, but after all, Billy was a widow man, the wasn't much to do. Lucky for me I didn't have the necessity of touch Billy things, I felt already like a stalker. I found what I wanted and more. In the dressing table had a big picture of Sarah Black, she looked so young and so beautiful, she was exactly the way I dreamed her: tan, black hair, thin, funny dimples and loving smile.

How I dreamed her exactly like she was if I never saw her before that moment?

I was still shocked when I saw another picture in the table; this one was even more special. In the picture was a little older Sarah surrounded by her three children in a lovely photo shoot in some studio, she was sitting in the middle of the photo, Rachel an Rebecca were behind her each one to side of her shoulders and my beautiful Jacob was in her lap, he looked so little, maybe five or six years old. Everyone was smiling and Sarah seemed even more beautiful with her kids near to her.

Both were as I dreamed them.

I left the house and went to Emily's house just to say bye to her and Leah. Still were 4 hours before my "date" with Jake but I wanted to spend some quality time with Grandpa Charlie and Sue.

I watched some baseball game with grandpa, I liked baseball, was my family's favorite sport and it was amazing how funny could a game be when you played with vampires and with thunders background.

It was almost 7 o'clock and I was ready waiting for Jacob in my room, I was wearing nothing special since this was just a friends-hanging-out date. Nervousness. How could that be? I heard an old engine outside and a car roar. He was here, and the Rabbit too. I ran to the door and there he was. The reason of my beatings.

"Jake," I screamed and went to hugging him. He hugged me back with the same intensity. The first thin I did when I was in his arms was breathed his wonderful scent.

"How are you, Ness?" she asked me in my ear.

"Awesome," I said and he came into the house, he walked to the kitchen to say hi to Charlie and Sue and that was how I saw him, I was so busy paying attention to his face and scent that I didn't realize of all the rest. He was wearing jeans and a plain white shirt, he looked so… I think the word was… hot! I thought I was even drooling.

"Jacob, how was work?" Charlie asked Jacob.

"Great," he said. "Hey Charlie, I'm gonna take Nessie to First Beach, do you mind?"

"Not at all, take care of her," was the last thing Charlie said.

"Come on, Ness," In that moment for some cruel joke from destiny he took my hand guided me to his car. _It wasn't enough the hell I was living? This is just getting worse._

He opened the car door for me, and we drove to La Push.

"Seth told me you were in La Push at morning," he said.

"Seth told you?" I gave him a glare.

"Well… I heard from Seth's mind in wolf form that you've been in La Push," I laughed and so did him.

"Yes, I was getting boring in the house and Charlie told me Leah was taking care of Emily's kids so I went to her house, we had fun."

"Sorry I can't be there in the mornings, you shouldn't get bored."

"Hey, it's not your fault, you have work. Better tell me about your job, I talked a little about it in the morning with Seth," I tried to change the subject before I could say I was poking in Billy's house.

"What did you want to know?"

"Seth told me you're a boss now," I smiled to him and he smiled to.

"I finally got promoted after two years; I liked my work too much and I earn good money. Well… at least I'm financially independent. I bought my own place one year ago." And that explains why I couldn't find any track of him in Billy's house.

"You have to show me your place, I thought you still lived with Billy," I suggested.

"That will be another day, today my house is a mess, I haven't cleaned it in a while."

"I can help you," I offered to him.

"There's no way I'll let you clean my house," he said. _Shame?_

"I didn't know you were so scrupulous," I said to him.

"I don't. I'm just afraid of not to see you again if you get lost in the mess of my house," we both laughed again.

"If I wait until you got you place clean then maybe I will never see it."

"Um… ok, then. I'll take you there tomorrow, we can watch movies, can you?" he told me. _Was this another date? I have to stop to think about it, it's not a date._

"Sure, sure," he looked at me because I stole his famous words. "Too sticky," was all I said.

"At what time?" So… it was a date… if it isn't then why put it on schedule?

"I don't know… let me think… I don't do anything here, you're the working man, you tell me," he smiled at my words.

"Same hour?"

"Deal," he pulled over and I saw we were on First Beach. We weren't going to swim, just walk and see the breach. Jacob and I started to walk along the beach. After walking for a while I saw the horizon, _there when the ocean touches the sky._

"Beautiful, isn't it? There where the water touches the sky. Something you thought you will never see. When I was little I begged my mom to take me there, to see closer how the ocean joined the sky."

What? OMG He just said the same thing that in my dreams, the exactly same words, but his arms weren't around me and his chin wasn't in my shoulder. How could I have known what he was going to say?

"Ness?" I heard he said. He was still there, waiting for me. "There's something wrong?"

"No," I said slowly. "I was just watching what you told me."

"Come with me," he took my hand and leaded me to the begging of a cliff. "Race you," he dared me.

"Bring it, tough guy," He smiled to me.

"Ready?"

I winked at him. He started to run at the same time as me. I was fast, like every vampire, even faster than my mom and my aunts but not as faster as my dad and Jacob, ipso facto I lost. He was on the cliff just two seconds before me. I was agitated because of the run and I didn't see the view immediately. It was beautiful, every corner of First Beach was visible from where I was standing, the wet wind felt amazing in my skin and the sound of the waves crashing was soothing.

This was even had more meaning because Jacob was there, he was standing right behind me, I could feel his warm breathe in my neck.

"You like it?" he asked me.

"Of course, how it couldn't?" I said in a rhetoric way.

"It's my favorite place to come, it's like magic, something here pull me," he said looking at something in the distance.

"It is awesome, I like it too, and can I borrow your cliff while I'm here?" I asked him. He made a face trying to feign displeasure. He took my hand and sat me with him in the rock close to the edge.

"Only if you promise not to jump, even if you feel boring, or even if you hear voices, can you promise me that? I couldn't bear if you get hurt." That was probably the sweetest thing Jacob has ever told me.

I hugged him, his cheek rested in my right shoulder and I could swear I heard he said. "Just you no" What was this? That had to mean I was special for him? Was some subliminal message in his words?

"So… can I know what you were doing today in my house?" he told me after a while of silence

What? Oh my gosh, he knew I was checking his house today. I decide in that moment to play the funny card.

"Well… it isn't your house technically," I said trying to lighten things.

"Ok, smart girl… Can I know what you were doing today at my dad's house?"

"How did you know I was there?"

"I stopped after work to see Billy and when I entered I smelled your scent by everywhere, in each and every of the surfaces; the living room, the stairs, the aisle and Billy's room. Of all the scents of the world yours is the only one I can't miss, the unique I can distinguish between thousands and the furthest scent I can perceive," he stopped when he said that and looked at me for a quick moment. Scratch what I said, this was the sweetest thing Jacob has told me ever.

"And I asked Billy what you were doing there and he told me that you never were there… not that he knew." I felt ashamed, Billy knew.

I had to tell him my dream, but how?

"Are you going to tell me?," he was staring at me, at my eyes, when I looked into them I lost.

"It's gonna sound weird but, well… I did it because I wanted to see a picture of your… mom," I said staring at the floor.

"My mom? Why you wanted to see a picture of my mom?"

"I dreamed with her last night and it was a weird dream, she was very beautiful and I can't remember pretty well but it was strange to me to see Sarah in my dreams and I wanted so badly to know if I invented her or if the way I dreamed with her was the way she really was. So I concluded I didn't want to ask, the only way I could believe my dream was seeing a picture of her. I went to your house hoping to find Billy but he wasn't there. Sorry to have invaded your house" I apologized.

He started to brush my hair with his right hand. "On what was it your dream?"

"I was at the edge of the beach and she was just standing there, watching at the sunset, she was very beautiful and soft, he didn't see me, but the big doubt is how did I know how she was, I never saw a picture of your mom before," I was lying about my dream, but it was too much to tell him I dreamed of what he said just minutes ago.

"You should take your pills, you know?" he teased me and I smiled, I preferred that way, without the whole explanation.

"I know," I told him.

After a while I fell asleep in Jacob's shoulder and I had… another weird dream.

_I was in a hospital, outside of a room. I heard voices coming from inside, two tinny voices, childish ones. I entered the room and I saw the most painful image I've ever seen in my entire life. Sarah Black was lying in a hospital bed, her face was full of sores and bruises, and she was extremely pale and weak. But that wasn't the whole scene, there… next to her in the bed were two little girls pretty look alike… Rachel and Rebecca. Both were crying silently for her mother._

_At the end of the bed was my sweet Jake, he was staring his mother's broken body with a calm but very painful expression. I never knew this. I never knew Jacob saw his mother die, he suffered the pain in the worst way, none kid should see his mother die… but my poor boy had to. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything will be fine._

_Sarah's eyes flew open, blinking slightly and heavily at the same time. She saw each one of her kids; she knew Jacob was holding back the pain because she couldn't leave his eyes. And then, suddenly, Sarah turned his head to the right, just in the exactly way I was standing. Her eyes stopped when they saw me, Sarah was watching me in the eyes, she smiled me in a very sweet way and then she closed her eyes… forever._

"Ness?" Someone was shaking me. "Ness, wake up."

I opened my eyes, my breathing was rough, I lifted my face and saw him, Jacob.

"Are you okay?" I asked him without realizing what I just said.


	5. By Myself

I don't own anything. Stephanie Meyer does.

**Thank you guys for the reviews, it means a lot for me… I have been busy with school but I'm gonna try to upload another chapter the next Wednesday because I already have the whole next chapter in my mind… thank you one more time… xoxo**

_Chapter IV: By Myself_

"What? You're asking me if I'm okay?" he said with wide eyes.

"Sorry, I just had a quick nightmare," I said

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Naah, I'm okay. What time is it?" I asked while I realized it was completely dark except for the moon's light.

"Are you going to count your time with me?" he told me. _What was that? Was he trying to be seductive with me? Because it was working. I blushed immediately. I had to admit I liked so much the hint of possessiveness in his voice._

"Well… time is money…" I said teasing him. Suddenly when we stopped laughing we stared at each other in a moment everybody will say was awkward… but for me the moment was amazing.

"We should go back," he said breaking our stares.

"Oh no, we didn't even talk too much, sorry I fell asleep," I apologized.

He touched my right cheekbone with his huge and warm hand, sending shivers through all my body and making me scream in the inside.

"It doesn't matter, Ness, we still have fifty nine days," I smiled.

"You're going to show me your house tomorrow, right?"

"Right," he told me while stood up extending his hand to help me to get up. I didn't need his hand to get up, but I did need it to calm my anxiety and the tightness in my chest.

Why was this so hard? Of all the men of which I could have put my eyes on, my stubborn heart had to choose the only one that couldn't see me beyond a sister. I had to choose my best friend. Years ago I thought the love wasn't made for me, that I would just end up with a man whom wasn't too complicated, one that will love me enough to endure me.

What should I say right now? Now that I love someone more than I've ever dreamed. What should I say now that the other idea of the sufficient-man wasn't even an option? Non above Jacob. The life without this love was easy and comfortable but then I realized that my old easy life wasn't worth it like it is now.

I should be thankful… because my love for Jacob made me a better person in a strange way. All my life I always had everything; my parents never denied anything to me because I was their only daughter and not just my parents, my grandparents, aunts and uncles always cared about me… always me. But now I wasn't longer just me, now finally I cared for someone. Never was necessary… I mean… how much I needed to worry about my handsome vampire dad and my envied-married-with-my-handsome-dad mom? First me, then me and finally me.

Nevertheless, finally I got someone I cared above me, someone I wanted to be happy without mattering if I am not. I wanted Jacob happy, without mattering if it was with Holly or another girl. This had to be a different kind of love. A real one… a typical one: everlasting and unrequited love.

We were at my Grandpa Charlie's house and we were in the rabbit.

"See you tomorrow?," I asked, I wanted him to reassured me our date tomorrow.

"Sure,sure," he said. I inclined to kiss it him in the cheek and his face moved a few centimeters that I ended up by kissing the corner of his lips. I would love to believe that he did it on purpose but he didn't, he just got scared because he didn't know what I wanted to do when I reached for his cheek.

"Bye, Ness," he whispered.

"Bye, Jacob," I used a serious voice; I wanted to clarify that this wasn't a game for me. I entered to the house, picking up my rough breathing and closing my eyes while I leaned in the door.

**Jacob's POV**

I left Ness in Charlie's house and went straight to my dad's house. I wanted so badly to phase, I wouldn't resist anytime more. The overwhelming happiness was crushing my muscles and my lungs, I needed to explode. I reached my dad's house, I knew he wasn't there because he was in Charlie's house, I could smelled him there.

I left my car and phased.

_Whoa! Jacob?_

_Seth?_

_On patrol Alpha Master._

_I didn't know you where on patrol…_

_I always am_

_Why's that?_

_Everyone thinks they can skip their shifts… Brady always does it and now Chris too._

_Why you didn't tell me, Seth? That's why I'm the leader and they can't disobey me._

_You were busy man, sorry. What cha doing here, anyway?_

_I needed to phase._

_And that's why…?_

_This situation it's driving me crazy, Seth._

_Do you mean Nessie and you?_

_Yes, it's always Nessie and I, everything in my life have balance but the most important thing is still hanging from a thread._

_Man, you should tell her, she has the right age and she's ready._

_That doesn't mean she's going to love me back. That just means she has the right age to know that her best friend has a crush on her since three years ago._

_You're not a robber or a depraved, why's the idea so crazy?_

_She's just a girl, Seth. I'm thirty five._

_You're don't look thirty five… maybe twenty seven at much and if you're gonna try to find issues between you and Ness then I should tell you're stupid and she's smart, you didn't look good with her, you have huge feet, problems with your temper… should I continue?_

_Got it, thank you very much._

_She's not totally oblivious at you, you know._

_How do you know that?_

Seth started to think in what he had done_. _

"_It seems that Jacob has a great job…"_

"_He does, he started two years ago being just one of the multiple mechanics in the company and now he's supervision's chief, boss of those multiple mechanics."_

"_Wow."_

"_He can't risk that awesome job because of a pack that can take care of themselves. Besides the girl wouldn't be I impress if he get fired."_

"_A girl?"_

"_Yeah, is this girl Jacob met long time ago, he likes her so he's trying to impress her with the job." Through Seth's peripheral eyes I saw how her smile faded from her face._

"_Is this girl Holly?"_

"_Who?... Oh, got it. No it's not her."_

"_So, who is the girl, then?"_

"_I can't stay here all the time,"_

"_Oh, sorry. Thanks for the ride."_

The vision ended. I sighed.

_Why you did it, Seth?_

_Did what? Tell her you're interested in a girl that happens to be her?_

_Seth, this is difficult already for me to take care of you and what you´ll say_

_You know I'll never say anything you don't want, I want to help you_

_I know, sorry. It's just that I think this is not worth it. Not her… I mean us… Sometimes I think the happiness wasn't made for me; not the way everyone wants it. My happiness isn't going to be married or with a family. It just will be watching her being happy._

_That's so pathetic, Jacob. You're really going to allow someone else take her from you? Just because you hadn't the guts to tell how much you love her?_

_Seth, can you understand how much afraid I am? I could lose her; lose the only thing that makes my life worth of living._

_You still going to lose her to someone who's not afraid of love her. You're right, Jake, it's not worth it… you're not worth it. Sorry man. My shift ended._

And with that Seth thoughts disappeared. Why did I phase? Oh, right… to escape the human torture and Seth just kicked my butt_._

I phased back and made my way to my place. Why I had become so pathetic?

I entered my apartment in minutes, ate my dinner and went to bed. I wasn't tired but my eyes begun to close… and I begun to think about Ness. What if Seth has been right? I couldn't stand if Ness will get someone else and just because I was such a coward. I wanted so badly her to be mine, just mine. But there was too much to considerate; she was only eighteen and I was thirty five, her family or I should say… her parents would never leave me to be close to her… Though it was hard for me to admit it, I knew that I was the principal reason for which they went to live to Chicago. They didn't want me near to her then and they don't want me near her now.

Too bad… I was definitely decided to make my move on her. What could be the worse part of forfeit the game? She was so sweet and kind to hate me and I always could beg her to accept me back though will be as his lap dog.

I risked too much years ago… with a love thousand lesser than this one and I will risk everything tomorrow here in my apartment… when I say to her that I love her.


	6. You Already Own It

**Hi everyone! My apologize**** because I promised do this the last Wednesday but the school is driving me crazy but I'm here with a chapter that it's one of my best chapters but not THE best. I want to thank you to all my reviews, thank you for following my story!! You guys rockz!!**

**If any of you have ideas or situations you would like to see tell me in a review.**

**Five songs helped me to write this chapter and if you could hear them while reading this chapter will be awesome. **

**I will – Jimmy Wayne **

**Whatever It Takes – Lifehouse**

**Second Chance – Shinedown**

**Dig – Incubus (this is the best. It's actually Jacob's song. Pay attention to the lyrics)**

**Broken – Lifehouse**

_**Jane Strauss**_

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**Chapter VI: You Already Own It**

**Jacob's POV**

I took the day off from work since today was THE day. The day I would yield to my deepest feelings. The day I would "officially" give my heart to Renesmee; with the hope she would take it.

After two hours of excruciating anxious I realized that take the day off wasn't such a great idea; the desperation was taking over me and the loneliness wasn't helping. My apartment was already clean. I made my way out of my apartment to First Beach but then I remembered Seth supposed to be staying in his old house instead of Charlie's house. First Beach? Seth? I must have been crazy because for some reason I chose Seth.

In ten minutes I was in the Clearwater's old house and walking through the door; Seth was sleeping because of the snores I heard. I walked to his room and he was lying practically unconscious in the bed. I went to the bathroom took a glass of water and then spread it all over Seth's face. He jumped off the bed to the floor and then lifted his face to look at me with angry poppy eyes.

"Can I know why the fuck you did that, dude?" he asked me angry.

"Seth, the last twenty years I lost important moments of my life trying to wake you up with the old methods," I said.

"I had patrol last night; I think I'm in my damn right to sleep as much as I want."

"I just thought you wanted to hear that I decided I want to tell Nessie everything," I spoke.

His eyes widened and he got up from the floor sitting again on his bed.

"Everything?" Seth asked while looked scared. "You think she's ready to know her family is full of vampires and she's actually half vampire?" he spoke and then burst into laughs.

I punched Seth's arm. "Be serious, man."

"Sorry, it's just is hard to believe that you are actually going to tell her. You already know what are you going to say?"

"I don't have the right words but well… I know what I want to say so… it can't be that hard… right?"

"You're so screw, man," Seth said while shook his head to the floor.

"What? Why you said that?" I was angry.

"Man, you need to know the right words… what are you sayin' it's delicate and important, if for some reason she misunderstands you, you could scare her." I sincerely hadn't thought about that.

"You just complicated my life," I sighed in defeat.

"Jake. Focus," he shook me by the shoulders. I tranquilized myself and looked at him. "Now… I will portray Nessie and you'll be… well… you. Now Jake… tell me what you feel," Seth blinked and smiled at me already in his character.

"Seth… you have serious problems. Get away from me," I pushed him.

"What? It's a great plan," he said.

"How do you pretend I'm gonna do that? You don't inspired me even a little of love."

"Auch! That hurts." Seth pretended to be sad and then laughed. "Well… I have another idea…" he trailed off.

"I'm not sure if I want to hear it," I said a little scared.

"Oh, don't worry. My new idea isn't going to compromise your masculinity." He assured me.

"Fine. What is it?"

"You can… write it, ya' know… just write everything you feel and then show it to me and I will tell you if it's ok."

"Do you have a Degree in falling in love or are you Dr. Heart?"

"No but until now I have had five girlfriends… How many girlfriends you've had, Jacob? "

"None. I met the love of my life eighteen years ago." I said proudly despite I knew where Seth's speech was leading.

"Don't you think that makes me an expert?" I laughed.

"I'm not going to answer that," I said trying s hard not to laugh.

"Maybe you should ask Quil whom is in almost the same problem as you or maybe your brother in-law Paul whom is everything but a gentleman or you could ask Leah whom hates every XY in the earth."

"Seth you're treating me like if I had never seen or talk a woman before," I argued.

"We're not talking about just a woman… it's Nessie… my little beautiful Nessie on whom you're trying to make your move. So let stop pretending this is like saying a poem… What are you going to say? Nessie when you born I imprinted on you and well… yeah… I have been kind of a stalker since then but forget what I just said… all I wanted to say it's… I love you."

"Wuh Hu. Pack's scandal" someone said from behind us and for the voice I knew was Quil. He was standing by the door with his arms folded in his chest. He sure heard us from outside. "Besides declaring your love, guys; what else are you doing?"

"I'm trying to convince our Alpha Male to practice his love's words to Nessie."

"You're doing it, man?" Quil asked me and I nodded. "Well… don't be nervous, just tell her everything from the inside and I can't see what can go wrong." I smiled a little.

"Why you couldn't just tell me that?" I asked to Seth pointing to Quil. "I'm not nervous because of Ness. It's Seth who's getting on my nerves." I said this time to Quil. "His lack of something better to do it's ruining me."

"When you're planning to do it?" Quil asked.

"Today," I said serious. "She wants to see my apartment."

"Boring" Seth mumbled.

"Fine. I'll say to you what I'm planning to say to Ness if you accept you're want to know this only because your pathetic," Seth laughed and sighed in defeat.

"Okay okay. I'm doing this because my life is so pathetic and I'm bored," he said rolling his eyes. "Spit it out, wolf."

"No," Quil said. "Seth's a big boy, he can handle it until can read it in your mind." Quil shouted a death glare to Seth.

"Are you sure? I don't want to cause more brain damage than he already has." Quil and I laughed but Seth, of course, was mad.

"I have to go. Behave," I ordered to Seth.

I left the old Clearwater's house and started to run until home. Both Seth and Quil were my best friends but that day they just didn't help. I thought about the only one who could really help me with some prudent advice.

Leah was in Emily's house taking care of her child, she does that three days every week, that really has to be ironic, but wasn't my business. I found her in the sofa playing with Allison. She looked at me and her eyes widened.

"Oh, the Alpha, come on Allison," she stood up and straightened her position.

"Morning, young ladies," I said while Allison yelled my name. I took her in my arms and she hugged me.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked and Leah's eyes became suspicious.

"Sure," she only said. She took Allison from my arms and put her in the cradle. We went outside.

"What's going on?" her eyes were suspicious still.

"Um… I need your wise advice," I said.

"About what?"

"It's… I'm going to tell Nessie everything tonight and I'm all freak out," I blurted.

"Oh, I see. So… Seth was an idiot and Quil did not help?" I laughed and nodded.

"Well… you have planned something?"

"It's not like a date; she just wants to see my place…" I trailed off.

"What are you going to say to her, then?"

"One hour ago I had everything planned but now… I have nothing. I don't want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable," I let my head fell in my hands.

"Hey take it easy; lucky for you I will help you."

---------------------------

I picked her at seven o' clock, she was beautiful and she was driving me crazier every single day and she just has 3 days here. She looked nervous for some reason. Her hands were twitching in her lap. _Relax, Ness; it's me who's going to gamble the only card left._

I parked outside the building and she bent down to see by the windshield the building.

"It's a huge building," she said still looking.

"I don't live in the whole building, just one floor," she turned her head to me and narrowed her eyes. I couldn't hold my smile back and when she saw me smile she did it to. I reached out of the car and as fast as was possible I went to her door and opened. She blushed to my gesture.

"Which floor?" She asked.

"The last one," I smiled.

"Figures," she laughed again. It was me or the things got slight?

When we were outside of my apartment she already seemed so excited.

"It's just an apartment," I told her.

"I'm going to scrutinize every inch of your apartment and as sure as hell I'm going to bring you down," she threatened.

"We will see," I said threatened her back.

I opened the door of my apartment and she entered but, strange thing, she never left my eyes. When we were completely inside of my house she still was looking in my eyes, she was standing in the middle of my living room and still was looking at me! _Why?!_

"You're not gonna see it?" I asked after a while. She blushed for only God knows why and took her eyes from me to see her surrounds. According to me, my house was clean, it's not that I was such a clean man but I spent here maybe five hours as much every day, just sleeping.

Her eyes widened. My apartment wasn't too big but still had a good size and has everything, since a decent kitchen to a comfortable main room. It cost me good money since was considerate like a penthouse because of the balcony and roof anyone else in the building had. Also was the biggest apartment which cost me a few dollars more.

"You have to be kidding me…," her beautiful face was dazed. "This is really your apartment?" she asked me. She did know this was my apartment… smelled like me. Wolf. I nodded.

"This is amazing, Jacob. I love it, love it love it." She still was looking around… the kitchen, the first bathroom and the living room. Then she started to my room and I went fast to her side.

"Can I?" she asked with her little hand in the knob of my door. _Don't you realize there's nothing I would deny to you?_

I nodded again. She opened the door and stood very still for a lot of seconds without saying a word.

"There's something wrong,?" I asked.

"Not at all. I was just…," she stopped herself before saying something apparently important.

"What?" I asked anxiously.

"You," she whispered. "This room is all you, more than the rest of the apartment, this room has the best part of you," she inhaled soundly.

"Wolf." I spoke in fact.

"No, not wolf." She told me while turning to see my face. "You had never smelled like wolf to me. I would say rain, earth, wood and something else I still can't recognize. The best essence ever." And my heart melted. Why she was becoming unattainable each time? She just made my heart suffocate with so much love. I didn't say anything afraid of ruining the only romantic thing she had told me.

She entered to my room watching every corner and then, how I imagined, she got mesmerized because of the view of the balcony in my room. She opened the sliding door and went outside. The view was amazing and that's why I'd never said a word about the price. First Beach and the rest of the Quileute territory.

"I officially love your apartment," she said lost in the view.

"How many points I got?"

"All of them," she said looking at me and walking into my room again. She sat on my huge bed and rested on it. _Be strong Jacob Black._ How odd was this_?_ Seeing her in my bed with her eyes close and her head in the same place mine rested every night. She opened her gorgeous brown eyes and she indicated me with a gesture to join her in the bed. _Really? This is how's going to be? Me being tempted by the cruel fate?_

I went to the other side of the bed and sat on it. She turned to look at me.

"So… Seth told me you are interested in this girl…" she trailed off. She brought the subject; this has to be a signal. Though looked very clear than the only thing I could do was answer, still I was frozen. After a couple of seconds I recovered.

"Well, yes," was all I could say.

"Do I know her? Is she from La Push?" she was very interested and that simple curiosity filled my heart.

"Yeah you know her," why was such a coward? I learn in elementary school how to build a conversation. _Come on!_

"Is Holly?" she asked more in herself. What? Holly?... What?

"No , it's not her." I was about to continue but she spoke again.

"Look, it doesn't matter who you pick; all I wanted to say it's that I'm happy for you and happy because you finally have someone who loves you in the way you deserve." _Why you just don't stab me with a knife in the chest, Ness? _It had been less painful.

She was congratulated me because I had a "girlfriend"? My heart stopped right there. She just told me she was happy with the idea of me and someone else, obviously she wasn't jealous; ipso facto _YOU'RE SO STUPID JACOB._

What I do now? The last eighteen years my world moved because of the hope and faith I had of that one day she would become my companion on life, my girlfriend, my wife, my lover, the mother of my kids… my Nessie. Now I have what it's exactly equal to nothing. It was going to sound ridiculous but… One day I would get what I want? One day someone is going to love me just a little more than a damn friend?

"Tell me about her," her soft voice dragged me back to reality. She wanted to know about _her? _Well I would give her what I supposed I was going to tell that night.

"Well… I love her," I said without any warning. I saw how her eyes widened.

"It's not too soon?" her words hit me like a giant bus.

"Yeah, maybe it's too soon," I whispered back.

"How could you love someone you just met?" she asked me with a suddenly and slightly angry tone.

"I haven't just known her," I told her with the same slightly angry tone. "I know her of all my life."

"Why you didn't tell me about her, we talked hundred times by phone and you never mentioned it."

"Sorry I didn't tell you; but I can tell you everything about her now if you want to hear it," I said with all the charm my voice could hold. She didn't say anything, just stared at the floor.

"I realize just now that it's not too soon. I have known her for years and waited for her those same years. It would be wrong if I let escape the only chance I have to make her mine?" I said while I saw her little hand clenched into a fist. "I spent too much time asking myself if I was worth of love, Ness and you know what? I think I am, my only mistake it's that I always fell in love with the wrong girl."

"What's wrong with this girl?" she stuttered.

"Nothing. She has nothing wrong. It's me, Ness, always me."

Was she really angry? I felt my will crumbled, things always changed if she was mad, angry or sad. I relaxed myself and went to sit in the table in front of her. Instinctively I took her hands in mine and she fixed her eyes in mine. Sadness and angry were in them. _Why? She was suffering with what I was saying?_

We stared at each other for what seemed to be hours though were only minutes. Her eyes were pleading me something and I just couldn't figure it out. Through her brown eyes I could see her world was crumbling down and the pain was taking over her. She started to shake slightly and her little hands were getting tight around mine.

"Tell me," I whispered.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Jacob; and I don't want you to say that again. You're the most amazing person I know. I'm sorry if I haven't been here for you; that was my job, let you know how worth of everything you are." She put her little hand in my chest. "You don't know what I would give for you, Jacob." One single tear ran down to her cheek.

"Why are you crying, Ness?"

"Have you idea of how much hurt me to hear you talk like that?" She asked me and I just shook my head. "I can't stand it," she whispered. "It hurts too much." Her other hand become a fist and I knew she was in pain. _Why?_ I saw her face and the pain was growing. I needed to calm her. I just took her in my arms and she held strong to me. I rubbed her back for a while and the pain didn't look to be in it way out of her.

"Just spit it out," I whispered in her ear. She let me go and stood up I just looked at her.

"She doesn't deserve you and she would never love you the way you deserve" she started to walk towards my apartment's door. I followed her; she opened the door and turned to look at me again with the saddest eyes I've ever seen and said to me the only thing I wasn't expecting.

"I will"

And then she left.

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**Reviews please, if you read it and like it please review and thought what that would be mean for me (a lot *wink* *wink*).**


	7. Don't hide the broken parts

**Hi everyone, first of all I wanna thank you all for the support, ****IheartTL**** you made me laugh tons… don't be mad lol. I really love this story. Here's another chapter, I love the way I wrote it. The next chapter will be this one too but in Jacob's POV. Please… reviews… I want to reach 30 reviews… please help me**

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Only One – Yellowcard**

**4:AM Forever - Lostprophets**

**Broken ****– Lifehouse**

**I still… - BSB **

**Disclaimer: ****I don't know anything, Stephanie Meyer does.**

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**Chapter VI: Don't hide the broken parts**

_**Nessie's POV**_

How can he have been like that? How couldn't he have realized? He hurt me with his words and despite for himself. If only he knew that I would give everything for him and I would do everything for him.

I finally found the strength to tell him all I felt and still feel and… why not? He didn't catch it. I had all different kind of feelings right there: love and madness for him, anger for _her_, sadness because of the internal pain my sweet Jake was feeling and because of the unrequited love and finally frustration because I threw my heart to his feet and he didn't even look at it.

I ran to Charlie's house and he wasn't there, just Leah and Sue, but Leah was the only one who realized Jacob didn't drive me home. The least I wanted was to talk with Leah, she was my friend and all that but she was always pushy and treated me like a person with brain damage. I knew she will follow me. I entered my room and closed the door loudly… like if that would work. I sat on my bed and took off my shoes slowly… 3…2…1.

Leah opened the door and sat next to me, I didn't look at her face. _Please, not now._

"So… where's Jacob?" she asked me. _Here I go._

"In his home, I guess." Was all I said.

"And… what happened?" she continue.

"I saw his apartment. It's awesome with the balcony and the roof. The kitchen has good size."

"Do you think I want to know how Jacob's apartment is?" she pushed. _You're so brave talking to me like that. _

"I don't have much to say," I told her.

"You can explain me why you have that horrible expression of discomfort and frustration, then…" she said sweetly. I just shook my head. Leah face became serious. "What did he tell you, Nessie?"

"Nothing, Leah, please don't do this," I begged her.

"Please you, Ness. Did he tell you something bad?"

"Of course not, it's something mine… something in my little mind," I spoke.

"And if is it in your mind, why he didn't drive you home?"

"Leah…" I sighed heavily. "I promise I'm going to tell you this as soon as I get rid of it, but now I need some time alone, please." She looked me in the eyes and saw my pleading; she nodded and stood up leaving my room. I lay down in my bed for a while; thinking and sobbing. What did I do? I just ruined everything. I didn't realize when I fall asleep I just was standing in the middle of a house I barely recognize. I was dreaming again.

The house was way much different of the one I knew but I still recognized the Black's house, I was standing near to a window, I turned to look by it and saw my sweet Jacob there, outside, fixing his bicycle, he was maybe thirteen or fourteen years at much.

"_Hello, Renesmee" someone said behind me. I turned around scared… I didn't recognize the voice, just __five persons lived in this house and I had listened four. Billy… Rachel… Rebecca… Jacob… Sara?_

_Behind me was the beautiful Sarah Black, she was staring at me with the loveliest eyes and understanding. She could see me? How she knew who I was? _

"_You-you can see me?" I stuttered._

"_Of course I can… I'd saw you since the first time, when you were standing in the beach watching me and my son," she said to me._

"_How…?" I trailed off. "I have been having these dreams about you and Jacob and I don't know why…"_

"_Dreams?" she asked me confuse. "This is not a dream…" she told me._

"_It's not?"_

"_No… I would say it's a vision… it's what I do"_

"_You... made this to me?"_

"_The first time in the beach it wasn't me but the rest it was me," Sarah almost whispered._

"_Why?" I asked_

"_I told you… I have visions. And I brought you here because I know what you are going through…" she trailed off indicating with her chin to outside the window where Jacob was. I blushed immediately._

"_I'm sure you know what are you feeling isn't wrong and there can't be shame on it. Your love for my son is __pure and unique… a special kind of love," she touched my face with her soft and warm hand. "He loves you, Nessie," she said._

"_I know he loves me but not the same way I do," I said watching now through the window._

"_How do you know? Did he tell you that" Sarah asked me._

"_He told me he's in love with another girl."_

"_He never told you he was in love with "another" girl… and you never knew about her, did you?"_

"_Well no… it's already painful without knowing her name."_

"_You are that girl, Nessie," she told me and my heart stopped then. Me? _

"_Me?" I stuttered._

"_You," she smiled me "He has been in love with you since three years ago."_

"_That's hard to believe," I said looking at her._

"_I have a story to tell you," she pulled me with her to the bed in that same room. We sat. "In your time many years ago, even before you were born, my sweet son, like you know, turned into a werewolf and that was the biggest change he experimented, his life destabilized and he just found some balance with this girl he met since kid, and eventually he fell for her, she was really a good girl but unfortunately for Jacob, her heart was already occupied, she loved someone else and Jacob's love never was enough to bring down that other love. His heart broke in pieces the day she married and my poor kid walked through earth just as a wolf, forgotten every human thing he still had. But, one day… one very good day he decided to take the control of his life without knowing how. And then he met you… he saw you born, he helped your mother through the birth and since then he never had been away from you, right?" she asked me. I nodded._

"_You became through time in his best friend and you__… my dear," she caressed my cheek. "Gave me my son back, you healed him, you picked up the pieces of his heart and put it them together just to make my son happy and complete again, the unconditional love he developed for you was all he needed to get his life back. He fell in love for you long time ago without you noticed it and now he's only afraid of losing you and afraid to feel a broken heart again. I know that love is for those whom are brave and strong, my son is strong to resist everything but the brave part of him applies only with the physical pain… he would never resist another rejecting… not from you. There's no one in this world he loves more than you and the love he had once for that other girl died long time ago crushed by yours."_

_I stood up and went to the window again, Jacob was still there. I felt how my heart was about to explode of happiness. The reason of my beatings really loved me and I know was a dream but this had to be real. __I had to talk to him, to know if this was true… if my mind wasn't fabricating it to compensate the truth._

"_It's time for you to go dear… this is not the last time you're going to see me, but for now I'm not going to bother you… the day you will need me again I would come back." She walked a little away but turned again and smiled me. "Thank you for saving him, thank you for g__ave us back Jacob Black. Love him till hurts and beyond." She winked me and then disappeared. The room begun to got blurry and suddenly I woke up._

I still felt dazzled and confused but I did remember what I dreamt. I stood up and changed my clothes for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The clock said was 3 o'clock in the morning, I didn't care, and I needed to talk to him or at least seeing him. I jumped through the window and start running to La Push. It was very cool outside and I forgot my jacket but I couldn't stop. The breeze hit my face and when I made it to La Push my hair was almost all wet. I ran again toward Jacob's building at the edge of the Quileute reserve. When I got there I lifted my face to see his window and balcony but the light was off. I knew he probably was sleeping but still made it to his apartment door. The door was actually open but the lights were off in the whole apartment. I didn't turn it on because I really didn't need it, my vision was perfect. I searched in his room but was empty and I could say by the essence he hadn't been here recently… he left since I left.

I went out to the balcony and I felt the breeze again, wet and warm… I smelled him there, just a slightly hint of him was in the breeze. I made my way out of his building and I tried to think where he could be… _the cliff._

As soon as I came the base of the cliff his scent hit me fiercely, he was at the top. I ran again until I reached the top and the essence was everywhere. I looked for him just a couple of seconds until I found him… sitting on the edge of the cliff. He didn't hear me or smell me because I could see his inexpressive face looking at the nothing. Another breeze blew and that was how he noticed me. He stood up as quickly as my eyes could catch and his face turned to a puzzled expression.

I got distracted because he was shirtless. I started shaking. I saw him shirtless many times in the past but now this had another completely significant for me. I stared at his chest and I got mesmerized, every muscle in his place, soft skin. I wanted so badly to caress his chest and feel his heartbeats and above everything… I wanted his arms around me.

"Ness, what are you doing here?, it's almost 4 am." He said really puzzled. Then he saw me shaking. "It's freezing here," he said walking towards me. He put his warms hands in my shoulders and terrible shock waves started to down through my spine. He looked at me in the eyes. "Come on, we should go," and pushed me a little to the other part of the cliff.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said as I realized I sounded stubborn but I could care less.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" he asked me.

"I wanted to talk to you," I whispered.

"We can talk in the morning and in a warmer place for you, come on," he pushed me slightly again trying to not hurt me.

"I'm here now, why we can talk now?" he shuddered and let me go. He realized what I was doing there; he walked again to the edge of the cliff. I was silent all that time while he had his internal fight.

"Do you really mean to say what you said?" he asked me.

"I meant every word I said," it was easy to tell the truth when his back was to me. But then when his head turned slightly to see me with his peripheral vision I knew the easy part was over. I was going to the hell and back in that moment. I looked down to the rocks below me; I blushed in an uncomfortable way because I didn't want him to notice that.

I wanted to touch him; just hug Jacob if that was all I was going to get. Without realizing I walked towards him and when I was only inches away from his back and, like if I hadn't nothing worse to lose, which was true, I wrapped my arms around him placing my hands in his stomach and my left cheek in his back, feeling the warm of his touch and breathing his stifling essence.

Thousand of images from my childhood ran through my mind, every important moment of my life he always was there. How could I not love him? He took care of me all these years, took care of my feelings always… But who took care of his? No one. It was my turn, my turn to watch and care for him, for his feelings. I just prayed for him to let me take care of his heart.

To my surprise he didn't push me away, he took in his hands my hands, caressed them softly, then brought them to his chest and I couldn't have been happier. Suddenly he turned around to face me, his gaze caught mine and I lost it. I was there; swimming in his eyes, without caring if later would hurt. But I knew it wouldn't hurt, because I finally saw love in his eyes, finally the sorrow and misfortune were gone off of his soul, being replaced with the eyes I would always remember in my head no mattering if he would take my heart as yours or not.

We stared at each other for what seemed to have been hours though were only minutes. My hands left his chest the moment he turned around but were between his hands, he brought my right hand and put it in his heart. I felt it, I felt his galloping heart and the way it stuttered when I touched him but I heard it too. That sensation only made me weaker and fragile.

"Can you feel it?" he asked me, his voice sounded as husky as always but with love this time. _I know it's not my imagination._ I nodded slowly. "It only happens when you're around, but when you touch me it jumps off of my chest." I blushed and l let my eyes fell down to the floor.

"Look at me, Ness," his voice was softer. I didn't, so he took my chin in his right hand and made me look at him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier but I was afraid of losing you and the words just stuck in my heart," Then he lifted his head; looked at the sky and sighed then bent down to the level of my face, his face was only inches away from mine. "But I'm not afraid now, because I know, no matter what, that you're always going to be mine and that I will never lose you," he took my face in his hands.

"You are that girl, Ness. The girl I met long time ago and the girl for whom I waited eighteen years, the girl for whom I would do everything, the girl whom I belong and the girl I owe all I am now." He smiled me. "I love you since always, but now I just want to be your best friend… one last time." He kissed my cheek.

My eyes widened and his smiled turned guilty. "I don't want to be your friend anymore," he still was smiling and I understood what he meant. He took my neck with his right hand; his other hand still was holding mine against his chest. He bent down so close to me but stopped just inches away from my mouth… he hesitated. I felt my blood being shot to every corner and curve of my body and my chest ached because of the hard pumping of my heart. I wanted nothing more than his touch, his lips… he was driving me insane every second. Of nowhere, I lost the control of myself… _Kiss me. _The words escaped from my mind through my hand before I could claim them back.

He smiled one more time and closed the distance between us, his lips touched mine slightly and my furious heart stopped all of sudden, he pulled me closer by the neck and deepened our kiss. I put my free hand in his back and he groaned, that sound filled my heart. I sucked his bottom lip and he did the same with my upper one, I moaned. I could feel a slightly smile in his lips while we kissed. He pulled away tenderly and rested his forehead in mine; I was hyperventilating and so did him. After seconds he surrounded me with his marvelous arms and brought me to his level, Jacob kissed me again and this time the kiss wasn't as careful and tender, which suited me better than okay. He licked my lips asking for opening, I did it willingly and his tongue found mine; after a little fight he won and his tongue touched almost every place in my mouth making me moan again. We kissed like that for a minute more and then he pulled away again for air. He put me on my feet and started caress my hair. I hugged him placing my ear in his chest; he sank his face in my hair and breathes it.

Hours could have passed without us notice them; we hugged for a long time until I went closer to his ear.

"I love you, Jacob" I whispered. He clung even harder to me. He let me go then and again touched my cheek with his huge warm hand.

"I love you too, Ness. I always did and I would do it forever." He said to me and he became then, the only reason of my existence.

"You promise?" He smiled and nodded.

"Just don't leave me ever," he pleaded me.

"I told you… I'm not going anywhere," he kissed me once and then brought me with him to the edge of the cliff, he was right behind me and he wrapped his arms around my waist and put his chin in my shoulder. _Exactly like my dream._ I put my arms with his.

"I could ask you why you're here at 4 o'clock in the morning, or how do you found me but I could care less," he kissed my neck. "There's something more important," he said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Would you be my girlfriend?" _Really? The question was necessary? I guess he wanted to be a gentleman._ A huge smile spread over my face and I knew I looked stupid but didn't care.

"Yes," one happy tear escaped my eye. Then a breeze blew and I shuddered.

"We should go," he told me.

"No, I don't want to go. I want to be with you, please." I clenched to his arms.

"And who told you I was going to let you go?" he asked with a smile I could felt in my neck. "We're going to my apartment," he said.

I should have become nervous but I just didn't. We ran to the apartment which wasn't so far. When we were there he opened the door, our hands interlaced. He smelled the air and I smiled guilty, he kissed my cheek. His apartment was very warm compared with outside. He hugged me.

"You can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep here," he told me sincerely.

"So you don't want to sleep in the same bed as me?" I asked him. His eyes widened.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable," he looked paid of himself. I looked at him with my serious eyes. He laughed. "Fine," I adored how we didn't need words to talk to each other.

We made our way to his room, he opened one of his multiples drawers and handed me one of his shirts.

"Water," he said and left the room momentarily. He was taking care of me and he respected me in a sweet way. When he came back I was already lying on, what I declared for then and forward, my side of his bed. He lay next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. We were facing at each other looking to our eyes. _Why we didn't talk? Right… we didn't need it._ I made my way to his chest and I rested there, he wrapped his arm then, around my shoulder and arm bringing me closer. I breathe his scent again.

"Good night… I love you" he whispered and kissed me on the lips again.

"Good morning… I love you too." I said placing my hand in his heart. And we both fell asleep.

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**Reviews!! Show me some love please!!**

**Next Chapter is going to be from Jacob's POV!! Sunday!!**


	8. Today Never Happened Before

**Hi everyone… I'm here with another chapter… is the same that "Don't hide the broken parts" but now since Jacob's POV. I had been busy with school but I'm excited about the next chapter****; it's going to be a large talk between Jake and Ness… *jumping up and down and squealing* Thank you guys I have exactly 30 reviews but of course I want more… please please.**

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Learning To B****reath – Switchfoot**

**Let Me Be Myself – 3 Doors D****own**

**Whatever It Takes – Lifehouse**

**Somewhere Out There – Our Lady Peace**

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**Chapter VII: Today never happened before**

You. Don't. Deserve. Her… Just in the perfect moment she demonstrated me that I'm not worth of her… _That's what you wanted Jacob?_ _Your cowardice got to the limit… ten minutes ago you just couldn't tell her how much you love her… and now that she told me everything, where I was? Yes… frozen in my door unable to move._

_Did I understand her well? She said she would love me more than whoever she thinks I'm in love with? My head hurt and my stomach was a mess, I wasn't hungry of course; I was just angry with myself… now that I knew she did love me I felt horrible… I wanted to be the first one to tell her how much I loved her… I should be happy. _

_Finally able to move I ra__n after her but she was gone. Her scent was weak; she was far away probably already in Charlie's house or close. I came back to my apartment and called Leah._

"_Jacob?"_

"_Leah… Is Nessie there?" _

"_What? Isn't supposed that she's with you?" Crap! She wasn't at home and I got just worrier._

"_Listen to me; I need you to let me know when Nessie gets home, please."_

"_Why didn't you drop her here?"_

"_It's complicated… just let me know when she's at home."_

"_For your own good I hope you didn't do something bad to her…" _Suddenly my whole pack and friends thought the worst of me.

"_It's nothing of your business, Leah."_

"_Fine, I hope you don't spend too much time waiting for my call to let you know if she's ok."_

"_She just got pissed about something I'm not pretty sure what it was". _Liar!!! Of course I knew why… because I was such a quitter.

"_I'll call you when she arrives… and you'll tell me what the help happened,"_ she said before hung up the phone.

I was so suffocated, the air was clean and wet and the cliff was the perfect place to appreciate it. I ran to the cliff, the velocity and furious trees helped me to push down the anxiety. _She has to be okay. But why she wasn't at home already? Maybe she's stuck in the forest…_ I was about to run to the forest to search for her but then my phone rang.

"She's here," Leah whispered. I felt a huge wave of calm ran through me.

"Is she okay?" I asked

"She's physically fine…" she trailed off.

"But…" I suggested.

"What did you do to her?" Knowing Leah she would push Nessie till know what she wanted to know, if she was asking me then was because Nessie didn't told her anything and I wouldn't do that either.

"What did you mean she looks physically good and then you stopped there?" I asked rudely.

"She looks sad and disappointed… I must guess you didn't tell her anything, right?" That question shocked me. She did know that Nessie really loved me and she didn't tell me; if she didn't know then why she jumped with the conclusion that Nessie was sad because I didn't tell her anything? Why she didn't think that maybe Nessie was sad because I told her everything? She knew the only reason why Nessie would be sad was because I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

"Thank you, Leah," I hung up. She probably was totally pissed off but I didn't care, she owed me a big one… I made fool of myself with Nessie because of her silence. Just the second I wanted to take revenge of Leah, the answer hit me, she didn't tell me anything to me because Nessie asked for it. My Nessie trusted her with such a big thing and… I couldn't be mad anymore; Leah stood in Nessie's side and I preferred that way.

What was wrong with me? I got mad with Leah because of nothing. This wasn't his fault, this wasn't Nessie's fault; this was my entire fault. I was the big bad wolf in his thirties; she was the little gorgeous half vampire in her twenties and she just taught me how to have the guts. Ironic I know. But deeply inside she didn't disappoint me, this was something I knew she would do, she was better than me and that moment in my apartment… proved it.

I walked to the edge of the cliff and sat there. I remembered how my mom loved this view since she was a little girl and my grandfather brought her here every weekend. How disappointed my mom wouldn't be to seeing me like this. Sitting at the edge of a cliff while the girl who moves my world was far away disillusioned of me.

I lay there for hours; I could felt the rocks and grass in my back. I thought about all my life since Nessie's birth, how she changed my world only to make it a better place for me to live, she never treated me bad, in any case, she treated me even better than his aunts and uncles. She never made me do something I didn't want to, she never stopped to care about me. I had born to love her and I could never lose her, she would always be mine… No one's going to take her from me.

When I thought about leaving, a slightly and delicate breeze hit me… Ness… she was here. I stood quickly, if I hadn't been a werewolf I would have probably ended falling off of the cliff.

_What she was doing here? How did she find me?_ I thought about the obnoxious darkness of the forest and the unknown threats there. I wasn't such a boy scout but judging by the moon's position I knew wasn't early. I walked towards her and I heard her heart skip a little.

"Ness, what are you doing here?, it's almost 4 am." I said while saw her shaking. "It's freezing here," I said until I was only a few feet away from her. I put my hands on her shoulders and a electric current ran through my whole body. "Come on, we should go," I said pushing her slightly towards the back of the cliff.

"I'm not going anywhere," I started to get nervous; I didn't want her there, not in a cliff. Years ago Bella jumped from one and the worst feeling in the world filled me. Lost. I was in love with her and her death probably would have shocked me but with Ness… was another whole different thing. I would never survive without her; my love for her was the only thing that gave my life a meaning.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" I asked her.

"I wanted to talk to you," she whispered.

"We can talk in the morning and in a warmer place for you, come on," I pushed her again, trying my best to not hurt her, using only ten percent of my strength.

"I'm here now, why we can't talk now?" I shuddered. Of course you want to talk. I release her shoulders and walked again to the edge. I needed to know if I understood well, if I really heard what she said.

"Did you really mean to say what you said?" I asked. _Please say yes._

"I meant every word I said," She meant it! I heard her heart stopped and restarted in just one short second. I turned my head a little and saw her with my peripheral vision, she was standing there, froze, her breathings were heavy and slow. I straightened my head looking at the ocean. _It's now Jacob, don't do this… don't chicken out. What else do I need? Please… NOW._

I was about to turned around when I felt her breath in my back. I froze. She wrapped her arms around my waist. _I love you Ness. _Her hands in my stomach and her face in my back made me forget everything, and by forget everything I meant… she made me forget the fear and anxious I had, made me surrender to her. Our position was something to contemplate.

That's how we always had been, since the day she had born she picked every part of me, each piece and put them together, holding everything in it place, she was the only one keeping me in one piece, just like our embrace…

I took her hands in mine and brought them to my chest, we stood like that for a moment and then I turned to face her, without letting go her hands, our eyes met and I saw it… I saw what I couldn't see before, I saw love in her eyes, love for me. It had to be. I knew my eyes had feelings too and I waited for her to see it.

We stared at each other maybe for hours, I didn't even know; but then I brought her right hand to my chest. She had to feel it, feel the way my heart pumped harder and harder every time she touched me.

"Can you feel it?" I asked her and she nodded. "It only happens when you're around, but when you touch me it jumps off of my chest." I saw her blush and her eyes dropped to the floor. No, Ness look at me… give me the courage again.

"Look at me, Ness," she didn't so I took her chin between my fingers and made her to look at me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier but I was afraid of losing you and the words just stuck in my heart," I lifted my head to the sky. Strength. I heard how her heart skipped a little… that was all I needed; she gave me what I was pleading for. I bent down to her level and loot at her in the eyes. "But I'm not afraid now, because I know, no matter what, that you're always going to be mine and that I will never lose you," I took her face in my hand

"You are that girl, Ness. The girl I met long time ago and the girl for whom I waited eighteen years, the girl for whom I would do everything, the girl whom I belong and the girl I owe all I am now." _What I don't owe you?_ I smiled. "I love you since always, but now I just want to be your best friend… one last time." I laughed remembering when I said that quote long time ago in Bella's wedding… I was given up to the love I felt for her. With Nessie was the same… I was given up my friendship with her, it was everything or nothing. I kissed her cheek.

With the kiss, her eyes widened… I hoped she would understand what I said. "I don't want to be your friend anymore." I took her neck with my right hand, pulling her closer to me, her beautiful and soft face was inches away from mine, her racing heart, her delicious scent… her lips. This really was going to be our first kiss… I was not my first kiss but it does was my first kiss with the woman I wanted to spend all my existence with. Excitement ran through each one of my veins, so fast that it hurts. Kiss me. Suddenly I heard in my mind; I didn't realize I stopped before kissing her. My heart flooded in love, she wanted me to kiss her.

I smiled and I took her lips in mine. There were no words to describe all the kiss made me to feel. Our first kiss was as tender as I always dreamed it would be; I pulled her even closer she put her free hand in my back and I groaned in her mouth. She sucked my bottom lip… I wasn't expecting that… and that was far away so sexy. I sucked her upper lip and I couldn't help a smile. Just perfect. I pulled away for air; I rested my forehead in hers, we were hyperventilating. The urge and needing of having her again in my arms with my lips grew fast. I surrounded her with my arms and lifted from the grass, this time I kissed her with so much more passion; I licked her lips pleading for entrance and she let me do it. My tongue found hers and for a while my tongue covered every corner of her mouth. She moaned. We kissed for a minute or so and then I pulled away for air. I dropped her in the floor and I started to caress her hair. She hugged me tight and I drowned my face in her hair.

I didn't know how much time we hugged but after a while she went closer to my ear.

"I love you, Jacob" she whispered. Nobody had ever said that to me… I've never been "the one" for someone… But that day finally someone choose me above everything, finally someone said that loved me as much as I loved her. I hugged her harder and then I let her go, touching the soft skin of her cheekbone.

"I love you too, Ness. I always did and I would do it forever."

"You promise?" _I swear it_. I smiled and nodded.

"Just don't leave me ever," I pleaded her.

"I told you… I'm not going anywhere." _I would not let you even try._ I kissed her and then took her hand; we walked towards the edge of the cliff. I placed her in front of me, wrapped my arms around her and put my chin in her shoulder; she put her hands around my arms.

"I could ask you why you're here at 4 o'clock in the morning, or how did you find me but I could care less," I kissed her neck. "There's something more important," I said.

"What is it?"

"Would you be my girlfriend?"I went nervous when I asked her that but then a beautiful smile spread over her face.

"Yes," she said. All I could think was _Ness is finally my girlfriend... my first girlfriend._ Then a breeze blew and she shuddered.

"We should go," I told her.

"No, I don't want to go. I want to be with you, please." She said while clenched to my arms

_You're not going to get rid __of me so easily_. "And who told you I was going to let you go?" I asked with a smile. "We're going to my apartment," I suggested.

I hoped she wouldn't feel uncomfortable with my suggestion but I really didn't want her away from me… not tonight.

We reached my apartment in minutes; we were holding hands when I opened the door. Just then, in the right moment when I entered my house I smelled her. Her scent was everywhere, I turned to look at her and she smiled apologetically; her eyes were so sweet and beautiful. I kissed her cheek and then hugged her.

"You can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep here," I said truthfully.

"So you don't want to sleep in the same bed as me?" she asked and I would bet all my money that she was really flirting with me. My eyes widened… two can play the same game.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable," I said trying to sound seductively. She gave me a serious-funny look. "Fine."

I guided her to my room, there I opened one of my drawers and handed her one of my big shirts; she was all wet for the breeze.

"Water," I said before leaving my room. We had just half hour together… it was too soon to see her in underwear. I did bring water, when I entered my room again she already was lying on my bed with my shirt on. I lay next to her and wrapped one of my arms around her waist. We were staring at each other without saying a word. It wasn't necessary. After minutes she made her way to my chest, resting there and breathing me.

"Good night… I love you" I whispered and kissed her on the lips again.

"Good morning… I love you too." she said with her hand in my heart. She fell asleep before me and that gave me time to watch her. I went close to her ear.

"You're the best thing about me," I whispered before falling asleep too.

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	9. Jacob Minor

**Hi everyone!! I'm back with another chapter… I like this one… hahaha. I have a sad new…. I will not write in two weeks… my tests are about to start and… is really difficult. I want to thank you all my reviews!!! You guys rock in my heart!!! **

_**Songs for this chapter:**_

_**Nothing But A Miracle – Diane Birch**_

_**So Beautiful – Darren Hayes**_

_**Cat And Mouse – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**_

_**For You I Will (Confidence) Rock Version – Teddy Geiger**_

**I don't own twilight ****… SM does**

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**Chapter VIII: ****Jacob Minor**

Nessie's POV

I woke up that same morning at eleven o'clock; my beautiful Jacob was at my side… It really happened… he did tell me he loved me… A ridiculous smile appeared on my face. Jacob was still sleeping and snoring; my hand still was in his heart. I started to caress his chest and then his stomach… every muscle there. Jacob's body was something to look at… it was perfect. I kissed his chest, crawling to his neck and then his mouth, by the time I was at his level he started to laugh with the eyes closed. One of his arms wrapped around my waist and his eyes opened.

"Hi," I said smiling like an idiot.

"Hello," he told me and we kissed sweetly until his phone rang. He reached it and answered.

"Leah?"

_Nessie's gone… I can't find her anywhere… I saw her in her room last night before sleep._

Jacob gave me an amusing look and then winked at me.

"What?!" he sounded angry. "You lost her? Come on, Leah. Stop teasing." He smiled even wider.

_I'm not teasing you; I don't know where the hell she is. I swear it._

"Are you serious? How being a wolf you can miss something?"

_Oh I'm sorry I didn't know I couldn't sleep. Stop being such an ass, Charlie doesn't know but my mom is about to._

"Listen you have to tell something to Sue, she can't know Nessie is lost; Seth, Embry and I are going to search for her, okay?"

"I guess, let me know when she appears please," Leah was really worried.

"I'll do it," he hung up.

I stared at him with a confused look; he hugged me and brought me along with him to the pillows.

"She owes me a big one," Was all he said. My confused look changed for a smile when I heard his stomach growl.

"What did I do!!!" I said worried. "I kept you from eating," he laughed.

"It's been almost twenty four hours since my last meal," he said trying to be as worried as me.

"I should make you something for breakfast," I suggested. He kissed my cheek.

"Since my starvation is your fault… I think you should…" he whispered playfully. I stood up without thinking and I forgot that I had Jacob's shirt on but no pants. Jacob's gaze traveled from my feet to my face and he looked so disturbed. I blushed… and I felt so damn guilty… he did his best last night with the privacy and I screwed everything. I was about to ask for forgiveness when he laughed slightly and I did it too. He handed me my jeans from the chair next to the bathroom, I took them and walked to the kitchen.

I fix eggs and bacon while he stared at me from the other side of the counter; I put his plate in front of him and he winked at me.

"Smells good… Thank you." He said before starting to eat.

"So… you're gonna let Leah like that? I bet she's really worried," I tried to persuade him.

"She's going to figure it out soon, don't worry about her," he said pulling me to his lap. "What did you want to do today?" he leaned close to my face. "Our first day," he whispered.

"Well… actually I want to talk with you," I said and his eyes widened.

"About what?"

"Well," I made him to look at me. "There some things you haven't tell me." His body went rigid and his face serious.

"How do you know?" he asked still serious and probably with an inside fight.

"Look, I'm not mad if there's something you haven't told me… you didn't have to do it before. But now I'm totally part of you… of your life and you have to let me in," I said touching his heart. His face dropped to the floor… he was ashamed. I took his chin in my hand and kissed him as sweetly as possible. "It's curious, you know? I know there some things you didn't tell me but I don't know what it is," I said with shame.

"Then how do you know there's something I haven't tell you?"

"I just know… Am I wrong?" I asked and he shook his head.

After a while Jacob finished his breakfast and he pulled me with him to his sofa. We sat in front of each other but very close, he was touching my hand. His face was telling me something.

"You want to talk now?" I asked. I wanted to do it but still I hadn't expected so soon.

"I'm not gonna spend one minute more with secrets. I do have things to tell you and I want to tell you now," he said in a rush.

"Okay, " was all I could say while look to the floor; I gave myself courage and lifted my head. "I know I'm not the first woman in your life and… I repeat… I'm not mad. It's just I know what she did to you," I stopped unable to find more words to continue. Jacob's face lost all little hint of happiness. He's mad because I brought the subject. His heart still hurts.

"There," he stopped and then sighed. "There was a woman before… long time ago; twenty years ago." He was having troubles speaking. "She was my best friend, the only girl with I had contact then… I've never had many female friends," he laughed without humor. "I eventually fell for her." He swallowed loudly. "But she never loved me back; she was already in love with another man. Our friendship grew up when they broke up and she became close with me. I saw her cry and suffer for him, but in some way she overcame it. But months after his leaving, he appeared again and she forgave him as if nothing had happened. That broke my heart in a painful way that I thought I would never recover. I spent too much time in wolf form because I didn't want to think about her or them."

What did you say, Jacob? This can't be happening. I knew about who he was talking about. That was the story of my parents. I always knew that mom and Jacob were friends and that they had problems when he turned into a werewolf. I knew the "secret" almost killed their friendship… but I never knew Jacob used to be in love with my mom.

"You're talking about my mother, aren't you?" Jacob's heart stopped all of sudden and restarted again but faster.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Ness; but it's just that I'm not proud about it," He placed his hands in both sides of his face. "That was a bad time in my life… I was young and stupid… I almost ruined everything… your parents' relationship, my pack… even myself. I was lost," his eyes filled with pain and sorrow and his voice was weaker. I wanted to cry by only seeing him like that. "The day she married I went to her wedding because I was her friend… it wasn't her fault that I was being pulled to the hell that day." He stopped for a moment, I didn't say anything and he continued. "I left that day… I left her promising I would never stand in her life but came back with my pack. Almost three weeks after the wedding I heard about her again. A gossip between Billy and Charlie let me know that you parents came back from the honeymoon but Bella was "sick". I thought the "sickness" meant that she was a vampire indeed. I wanted to confirm that and I went to your house. When I got there… I saw you for the first time," he smiled me and I saw his attempt to touch my face but he refrained. "Bella was really pregnant when I saw her that day, I felt so odd; she seemed to be happy because she was pregnant but she was literally dying. I felt so bad seeing her like that and since the beginning I…" he was struggling with the past. "I… hated you." He lifted his face from the floor and for the first time in my life I saw him crying… not as much as I cried but there… in his eyes… were huge tears stuck.

His heartbeats raced too much, his hands clenched into a fist and he had a huge frown in his forehead. He started to shake and I knew the angry was taking over him. I took his face in my hands.

"Look at me, Jacob. Stay with me." He looked at me in the eye and then let it go; he relaxed and tears filled his eyes again. "That were the stupidest and best thing I had done. You don't know how much I regret for hating you… I made mistake after mistake… but there… in the middle of my chaos, was the only think I don't regret." This time he did take my hand. "I'm always going to be proud of have stood between you and my pack."

"The day you had born… I lost my best friend and the girl I loved the most. I thought she died and when I was about to leave the house I saw you, you were in Rosalie's arms and she was feeding you," he swallowed hard again. "I wanted to… kill you." He stuttered the last two words and gripped my hand even harder as he would think I was going to run away. "But then I saw your beautiful brown eyes and everything disappeared… the pain, the agony and… my love for Bella. I found myself that day, my priorities changed and you… my love," he caressed my face. "You just made everything I went through… necessary. And I would do it again in a heartbeat… and you know why?... Because at the end of everything you would be there." He paused and breathed heavily.

"I know you're mad… And I would not stop you if you want to leave." He said with his face in his hands.

I sat there motionless for a while. I wasn't quiet because I didn't know what I felt about this… I knew what I felt… My love for Jacob was above everything he told me, I would never hate him, he saved me many times in many ways, I knew he loved me more than he loved my mom. It was that I didn't know how to comfort him. I approached to him; I was at his side without touching him.

"Did you really think there's something bigger than my love for you?" I asked him a little angry. I was actually really angry; he took my love for so little. His head lifted from his hands and looked at me with an incredulous look. "I don't give a damn what happened in the past… if that is your question. I wanted to know because it's part of what you are and because if we're going make this work you gotta let me inside, even thought it hurts." I finished really angry. Jacob hugged me so tight that it would have been impossible to release from him, but I didn't want to; his heartbeats calmed me down, after five minutes we were silent.

"When I asked you what you wanted to do today I was talking about hanging out in some movie theater or the beach." He joked and I laughed in his chest.

"You'd rather not have talked about this?" I asked him.

"No, I'm glad to have talked about this. I don't have secrets with you now," he kissed my forehead. "But I think now it's my turn," he said very seductive.

"Your turn for what?"

"You had questions I have questions," _God, this is going to be painful._

"Okay, go ahead."

"Well… maybe you can tell me when did you…" he trailed off.

"How did I realized I'm in love with you?" I said laughing and he nodded.

"Um… the first time I felt it was in the airport, when I saw you after three years. But the first time I realized I was head over heels in love with you was after the bonfire," Jacob's eyes became suspicious. "Well… when you came that night I saw you with this girl… Holly; and Leah told me she was your girlfriend and sincerely I wanted to punch her and when she touched you…," I frowned and Jacob laughed.

"That's why you asked me and Seth if I was dating her?" I nodded. "Don't you know that I don't see girls since eighteen years ago?"

"How I was going to know?" I said and we both laughed and then his phone rang. He picked up.

_What's going on, Leah?_

_You know where is she, don't you? _Jacob laughed soundly.

_Of course I know, Leah. _

_Did she spend the night with you?_

_Not the way you mean, but yes._

_In which way, then?_

_Oh, you're so young and innocent. _Jacob hung up the phone.

We kissed after Leah's call and then again… an interruption. The damn door. Jacob stood up to open the door but I stopped him. _Leave it to me. Hide._

I walked towards the door and I heard two faster hearts. I opened the door with an annoying expression.

"What?" I asked. Seth and Embry were outside. Both stopped laughing when they saw me with Jacob's shirt. Their eyes widened and their mouths dropped a little.

"Hi, Nes-Nessie," Embry stuttered.

"How's it going guys? Are you looking for Jacob?," Seth who was still shocked just nodded.

"He's still sleeping but I can tell him you were here." I said all sweetly.

"We came because Leah told us you were missing," Embry said.

"Oh, no. I spent the night… here," I tried to sound nervous and blushed. Embry suppressed a howl and Seth suppressed a laugh.

"Then I think we don't have another reason to be here," Seth said while pulled Embry. "Bye, Nessie," he waved a goodbye altogether with Embry. I stood there until I saw them leave in Seth's car and then a huge hand closed the door in front of me.

"Gosh, you're going to cause me a cardiac arrest," I said.

"You can't have a cardiac arrest. But do you know who can? Seth and Embry," he said and we both laughed. "You're a genius, baby," He kissed me and pulled me with him to the couch again.

We watched TV for a couple of hours, though I didn't pay much attention. After that, Jacob remembered he had to buy some foodstuffs for Billy. We went to the supermarket and for the first time we held hands in public… nobody cared but still… was something too good for me. I thought nothing would make that day more perfect… I was wrong; I knew it when we saw Holly in the supermarket. She saw us and when she looked at our hands her eyes widened. She came towards us. Of course she did, she had to know.

"Hi guys," she kissed Jacob's cheek with her filthy lips and she just rubbed her cheek with mine to greet me.

"Hi, Holly," Jacob said awkwardly. "I haven't seen you since the bonfire."

"I know… I missed you," she said laughing. "Hey, tomorrow its Collin's party, he's turning thirty two! Can you believe it? He's so old. Are you coming?" I clenched slightly Jacob's hand and he clenched back… he was telling me to relax.

"I didn't know, but sure we're going," _He meant the two of us._ _Did you catch that, Holly?_

"Awesome, then I guess I´ll see you guys in the party. I have to go," she kissed Jacob again and rubbed my cheek.

"Bye," Jacob said then turned to see me. My face was serious and angry; he saw me and started laughing. "Really?" he asked and I nodded. "Come on, she's not that bad," he took my hands in his.

"If I hadn't been here she would probably have thrown herself on you." I was really upset but he laughed.

"Then was a good thing you were here, wasn't it?" Jacob kissed my forehead. "You should stop her, baby." He teased.

"I will, I'm not kidding," I looked at him seriously; he tried to suppress a laugh.

"Okay, just don't hurt her too much."

Jacob paid for everything and we went to Billy's house. He was watching the TV when we came. I helped Jacob with the bags and then I went to hug Billy.

"How are you, Nessie?" he asked me while we hugged.

"Never Better," I said.

"How are you, son?" he asked to Jacob. He bent down to hug him quickly.

"Awesome, dad," he looked at me for a second.

"Hey, guess what? Rachel called and she's arriving tonight. Paul it's going to pick her up at the airport and we're having dinner here. You guys will join us?" Billy asked. Jacob looked at me quickly. He was asking me if I wanted to stay; I nodded.

"Sure, sure, dad." Jacob sat next to me in the couch and Billy and I talked about my family and the college. I told him which college I was attending and when it supposed I would start. Jacob had all the time his best poker face but when Billy asked about the date of my departed, Jacob's face twitched and his body shuddered. After one hour, Billy left and went to the kitchen.

"What's going on?" I asked him and he pretended to be watching the football game in the TV.

"Mmm?"

"Tell me," I pleaded him.

"Tell you what?" he tried to sound casual. I stood very still and after one minute he sighed and looked at me. "I don't like to hear about you going to college," he said. My poor wolf is sad. It flattered me.

"Why?" I asked though I already knew the answer.

"Because La Push doesn't have a college, neither does Forks, so…" he trailed off.

"Aww," I said smiling while I bent down and put my forehead in his cheek. "It's my wolf sad because he thinks I'm gonna leave him for college?" He turned to see me and our faces were inches apart.

"It's not funny," he said.

"Actually it is," I laughed slightly and before he could say anything else, I kissed him. He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me closer. In seconds we heard how Billy cleared his throat. Jacob pulled away but didn't turn around. He had his "busted" eyes.

"Jacob, can you help me to reach the napkins, please?" Jacob stood up and went to the kitchen with Billy. I heard everything they talked.

"So… you and Nessie, hu?" Billy sounded casual. Jacob sighed.

"Yes, dad. Me and Nessie."

"Be careful son, she's a great girl and her family is full of vampires."

"I know." Jacob voice was monotonous

"Since when?"

"You know… she can hear us."

"I know, but I barely saw you before, let alone now that you have a girlfriend."

"Okay, okay, dad. I promise I will be careful, you know how much I love her. I will never hurt her."

"That's all I wanted to hear." I could imagined Jacob rolling his eyes.

We leave Billy's house for a while before Rachel's arrive and went to First Beach. It was cold as always but we just sat there in the sand.

"So, father and son's talk?…" I said. He smiled.

"He never gave me that talk before… you're my first girlfriend, baby," he hugged me.

"I am?" I asked. I was pretty excited about being Jacob's first girlfriend but what about the last eighteen years? He waited for me all this time?

"You are," he was looking at the ocean.

"Why you never have one before?"

"What can I say? I found you when I was seventeen years old."

"I wouldn't have bothered me, you know?"

"I know…" he trailed off while throwing a rock to the ocean. "But it's just… I couldn't see girls' faces or… bodies. You changed me, girl." He looked at me and his eyes had truth and… devotion. We kissed softly then.

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	10. Fooled By Phoniness

**Hi everyone! I'm back… after long ****4 weeks with the awesome new that I passed all my exams. I wanna thank you all my reviewers… you guys made me soo happy. So here's another chapter… I wanna give Jacob and Nessie more time together before the drama begins; which start with her going to college and that's just the sweet beginning. I promise!!! Another guy is coming, the Volturi but not the typical "they want Nessie in their guard" and Holly it's not ready to quit.**

**So… I'm officially looking for a beta! It's just I have a lot of work with school ****and the story is already on my head but it's hard to write. If someone is interested please send me your email in a private message.**

**Jane Strauss**

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_I'll be there as soon as I can_

_But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before_

_She could never be as good as you_

_You could be my unintended_

_Choice to live my life extended_

_You should be the one I'll always love_

**Chapter 9: ****Fooled By Phoniness**

**Jacob's POV**

Nessie and I agreed to go out to celebrate our first 30 days together, I had work that day but just half day; I wanted our night to be special. I thought that in the next years we wouldn't celebrate too much because we weren't going to be in the same state, so I was trying really hard to make this very special. I couldn't just reserve a table in a fancy restaurant since Nessie wasn't such a big fan of the human food and I would eat whatever looks eatable, so I just wanted a quiet, relaxing and romantic picnic in our cliff. It was funny how Edward and Bella had their place… the meadow… and Nessie and I had our place too… the cliff; I liked it… represented us in some way.

So I planned a good picnic there; I was picking her at six o'clock at Emily's house because Charlie and Sue went to Hoquiam to visit Sue's sister and they didn't want Nessie to be alone in the house. I got ready and went to Emily's house, Nessie came from inside almost running and pulling me into a crushing embrace that released me from all the stress I had been through. I hugged her back almost as hard as she did but being careful of not hurting her.

"I missed you" she sent me to my mind.

"As I missed you," I whispered in her hair. I had been watching her glorious face and feeling her arms around me that I didn't realize that she was wearing a really really nice navy blue shirt and black tight jeans which by casualty were my favorite colors… of course, but I knew her favorite color was reddish brown because was her hair color and my fur color. "Absolutely gorgeous," I said to her and she blushed… delightful.

"And you look like a god damn rockstar," I widened my eyes at her words and she blurted out laughing, I did it too and thank god my blush went unnoticed. We stared at each other for short seconds and she grabbed my face pulling me to her lips, she kissed my nose, my cheeks and then my mouth. I loved her gestures with me. "So… where are you taking me?" she asked me.

"Be patient," I winked at her. We reached my truck and I drove with normal speed to La Push, she began play with my stereo shuffling the CD. The first song that came was Bombtrack.

"Uhm… Rage Against The Machine? I should have known," she smiled and I got surprised.

"Do you know them?" I asked her.

"Yes… why? A girl can't listen to that music?" She tried to sound pissed off but I heard the teasing tone.

"Of course you can, baby. I asked because I was three years old when that song hit the radio," I smiled at her. She made and "Oh" face. "How did you hear them, anyway?" she smiled and looked at me.

"Thanks to you, actually." That surprised me. Me? I never listened that music close to Nessie.

"Me? How?"

"One day in your house… when I was twelve… I stole the CD that was in your stereo like a prank; I thought you'd notice and that I'd make you mad but you never noticed your CD absence and I forgot for two years that I still had it, but then we left and that CD remembered me you. And let me tell you that you have a strange way to organize your music," she laughed and my eyes widened pretending being offended.

"Why's that?"

"Ah, because you started with bands like Blink 182 and Daft Punk, then you changed to RATM and Cypress Hill, later Aerosmith, AC/DC and Guns N' Roses and for the big finale Papa Roach and Foo Fighters," I was by then totally in shock, she really listened my CD and she really knew all those bands.

"You know all them?" I asked surprised.

"Of course," she said very proud of herself. "And now every time I listen to them I just think: Jacob, Jacob, Jacob," I took my eyes from the road and look at her; she was mischievously smiling at me, she was… flirting with me!! We were already a couple but that fact didn't stop her of being flirtatious with me. I blushed… did everyone hear that? I… blushed!! I'm not going to hear the end of this with my pack. It took me a couple of seconds to recover.

"Shame on me, I don't know your music preferences," I said.

"Oh, that's easy. They're the same as you… was all I listened for three years," One more thing in common.

I parked the car near to the cliff's bottom. I opened Ness' door and she went outside, the second she stared at the big cliff in front of us she smiled even wider.

"It couldn't be more ideal."

"I know," I smiled at her.

"Race you," she added and winked at me. I nodded smiling, she reached for my ear. "As a wolf," I my lip and I nodded again. I started walking to the forest to phase.

"Stay there," I winked at her.

"You're gonna lose, Black," she said to me. This is going to be fun. I froze and turned around to face her.

"Don't hurt yourself, Cullen." I disappeared in the forest and phased. I went to look for her and she was smiling at me.

"Long time without seeing you as a wolf," she kneeled in front of me and her face was inches away from my huge dog face. She caressed the fur behind my ears and that felt amazing but the sensation didn't like me; I felt myself more wolf than human. She stood up next to me. "Are you ready?" I howled, she winked at me and vanished between the threes. I laughed internally. That was the way the things were; I knew she was going to win. I ran to the edge of the cliff and she was already there of course; I decided to phase back before showing up myself, I did it and went into sight buttoning my shirt. She came to me and stopped my hands and the placed them at my sides, her hands traveled from my bare stomach to my chest and some flame in me ignited. I pulled her where the blanket was spread and the things for a romantic picnic were set on.

We sat there for hours talking and eating, well I did the last thing. She was resting between my legs, her back touching my chest and my chin in her shoulder.

"This is going to be our only celebration for our time together?" I asked sadly and she shook her head.

"No, I talked with my dad and I asked him if I could stay for a couple of days more for "Emily's birthday"," she winked at me. "So you better begin to glide the celebration for our second month together," she said amusingly.

"No way! I planned this one, you have to plan the second one," I warned her. I felt her shake and I knew she was trying to suppress a laugh.

"Fine. I'll do it. You're gonna love it."

"I'm looking forward our second celebration," I said trying to fake that I was excited. I couldn't help but smile in the back of her neck. In that moment I was happier than I had been my whole life.

We chatted for a while before my cell phone rang. Seth called, he told me Sam wanted to talk with me as soon as possible; Nessie heard that and she insisted on that we could go after finish dinner.

I drove down La Push and went to Sam's house. I noticed the reunion wasn't just with me. I saw Seth, Quil, Embry, Leah and Collin outside and both stared at me when I parked. Okay… I went lost… Wasn't I the Alpha? Nobody asked me about this meeting… Emily came from inside the house and greeted me and hugged Nessie.

Inside the house was everyone else; Jared, Brady, Liam, Cameron, Greg… and a lot more. I saw Kim and Holly there. Emily took Nessie to the kitchen and the other girls apart from Leah went with them.

What Sam told us… told me… shocked me. Sam told me that old Quil Ateara, my dad and Aaron Clearwater, Seth and Leah's uncle and latest member of the Quileute Elders, decided they wanted him and myself to join to the them despite our young age. According to my dad, that was a big distinction, but honestly I thought that was a polite way to ask me for permission to intrude in my Alpha's decisions. Sam was ecstatic, he felt honored and of course his replay was yes. I was confused, without knowing what to do. I knew that was what my father wanted and it would cost me anything to accept but at the same time it cost me a lot to assume my job like an Alpha and now I finally had everything coordinated and I didn't want anyone else intruding in my orders. After a silence meditation I decided to accept due to the fact that probably I was de only one against the idea.

I didn't understand at first why the whole pack were needed to be there but then my dad explained me that never before an Alpha was an "Elder" at the same time and that I needed them to give me their trust vows and their permission. Everyone accepted and I without even really notice it I became the youngest Quileute Elder in the history of the Quileute Tribe. Everything was really bizarre because I barely talked more than twice. My pack congratulated me and I was even smiling now without knowing the exactly reason. Suddenly I saw Nessie coming from the kitchen and she stopped to stare at me and her eyes were filled with pain and tears; she rushed through the door and my smile faded away. I pushed everyone and went outside too. She was gone; Emily touched my shoulder and I, totally baffled, turned around to see her.

"What happened?" I said desperate

"I don't know. I was busy with the muffins; she was talking with Holly about imprinting…" I felt my blood boil. I didn't need to ask, I knew what she told Nessie. I wanted to demand her explanation but the anxious took over me first. I did not say goodbye; I just ran to the forest. Nessie was fast but not as fast as me; within seconds I smelled her strongly. I caught her near to Charlie's house. I ran a few meters more than her and stood very still there. She stopped and stared at me with those same pained eyes.

"What happened? Why are you running away from me? What did she tell you?" She walked towards me and when she was close enough to touch me she ran again, Charlie's house was close enough to run after her again. I remembered Charlie still wasn't at his house and I made my way to his house.

I saw her from the edge of the forest; she had her hands in her knees and was breathing heavily. I stepped into sight and when she saw me she went inside the house.

"Open the damn door, Renesmee," I was really angry and she heard it in my voice because she came and opened the door. She stared at me and she was angry too, but her angry hadn't foundations. "Don't ever close the door to me like that," her eyes widened and the angry became fear… of me. And then I understood; she got the wrong idea… or I gave the wrong impression; probably she thought I was mad because she closed the door in my face but it wasn't that… I was angry because her acting like that with me… she didn't listen to me or cared to ask me about the matter… she just went with the flow and with Holly's words. "Why are you acting like that with me, Renesmee?" I asked her, though I knew the answer but I wanted her to hear from her own lips the ridiculous of her argument.

"Please, Jacob, I don't want to talk right now," she said in a smooth tone but still angry.

"Why, Ness? What did I do?," I was a little afraid of myself, through the years I learned how to control my rage rushes but with Ness was different because I didn't want to have a discussion with her.

"Please," in that moment her eyes had a real pleading.

"No, Ness. Talk to me, don't run away from me," I grabbed her gently by the upper arms, she looked me in the eyes and at the same time I saw her angry for me disappeared and I felt the anger in me disappeared too. Impulsively I hugged her as hard as I knew she could endure; she hugged me back but at the same time was digging her nails in my back just trying to contain the tears. She released my back from her nails after a minute and I just felt her warm hands hugging me tighter. She began to replay in my head her conversation with Holly.

"_**Don't you know what imprinting is?" **_she asked to Ness and she just shook her head annoyed._** "Well I don't understand it very well, but… well, my brother Collin had his first girlfriend Kerry long time ago, he was happy but then he phased for the first time and suddenly the day he met Danielle he fell in love with her and broke Kerry's heart. In just one day!. Kerry was a good friend to me and I confronted my brother and he explained to me about "Imprinting"; he told me is something you can't control, is kind of the destiny showing how small you are for the universe, it's meeting your soul mate for whom you will leave everything and everyone."**_

I saw Holly pausing for a second and look at Nessie's face and a slight smile crossed her face; she knew she was fulfilling her purpose.

"_**I'm telling you this because they don't care what they do to the girls after imprinting… did you know that Leah was Sam's girlfriend before his imprinting on Emily? Did you know that Sam's rejection is the reason of her bitterness? You can go and watch Kerry, she's so devastated and depressed since then; and you can go and watch my brother… ask him who's Kerry, if he remember her and if he actually cares about what she has been through."**_

She touched my Nessie's hair with her darnel hand.

"**I'm just trying to be fair with you if he can't, I'm sure he loves you now, but what's going to happen when his imprint appears in the way? He's going to leave you Nessie, you and your heart are going to fall to the bottom of his list of priorities.**

Why the hell she said that to Nessie? She knew Nessie was my imprint… I told her!. I watched how Nessie's eyes began to fill with tears. I wanted so badly to take her from Holly's poisoning words but it was impossible.

"_**He never told you that?"**__ Nessie shook her head__**. "I maybe made a mistake by telling you, but I have seen the consequences of that magic shit." **__She left Ness standing there with tears._

The scene ended and I came to reality. Nessie was still hugging me but stronger than before, she didn't want me to leave her, then her little body began to shake slightly, she was crying… I waited a couple of minutes until she calmed down.

"Ness…" I whispered to get her attention. "Ness, look at me," she did it, she lifted her face from my chest and buried her eyes in mine; just there, I lost any train of thoughts I had had in my mind.

"Why you didn't tell me?" her voice held pain and sadness. "What I'm going to do the day you imprint?" she dug her face in my chest again and against my better judgment I pushed her from me by the shoulders, she felt like I was rejecting her because she wiped her tears and walked to the bed and sat on it. I sighed and kneeled in front of her, she wasn't looking at me, and she had her glance very far away.

"I'm not going to leave you ever, Ness," I said looking at her, she smiled without humor.

"Not now… maybe in years, or tomorrow, or maybe in a while… who knows?" and the word sarcasm was implicit.

"I do know," I whispered and she finally looked at me.

"How?" her eyes held love and despair… or were mine reflected on hers?

"Why you came with the first thing Holly told you? Why you didn't even care to ask me? I am your boyfriend… what is she yours? Why you believed her after all yourself said about how her?" I was angry, not with her… I would never be angry with her; my love was bigger than anything. I was angry of how the situation worked out.

"It's not true?" those words told me she was daring me to "lie" her.

"It is true what she said about imprinting," I said and before I could continue I saw another silent tear ran down her cheek; I wiped it. "Let me finish," I asked her to do it; she stared at me for the meaning of life. I understood then that she didn't need it me to say it out loud. "I already imprinted," I gasped out. "And I know you can tell me in whom I did it," after those words she finally looked at me, in the eyes… deeply; I widened my eyes on purpose. Realization washed down through her.

"Me?" She asked now confused. I nodded a little exasperated and her face was pure shock.

"You never told me," she whispered so low that if I wasn't paying attention I would have probably missed it.

"I did. I told you the day you asked me to tell you the whole truth in my life. I told you I loved your mother until the day you born. Since then forward I only have eyes for you." Nessie's head dropped to the floor.

"I… I'm sorry," she stuttered. Her apologize broke everything in me. I stood up and sat beside her in the bed; I grabbed her in a hug and she grabbed me tight again, really tight.

"I'm not mad with you Ness… I just wish that you have more faith in me, that you care for what I have to say about things involving us. Don't close the door to me…and I'm not talking literally." She stared at me and her head fell one more time. I brought her chin up with my hand.

"It's just the only idea of losing you drove me crazy," she admitted and I couldn't be mad anymore. I understood perfectly. The idea of losing her drove me crazy too. It was beyond amazing how someone really loved me. I was very used to be the one who loved, but being loved was another different thing; I would do everything for Ness: live, die, give up, forfeit, forgive. But knowing that someone would do exactly the same for me was incredible.

"Not even in a million of years," I whispered in her ear. "And you should know that… Tell me you believe it," I wanted her to reassure me she heard me. She nodded.

"I believe you." I kissed her deeply and she grabbed my face between her little hands. After seconds she ran her finger through my hair. Our kiss became then in something else, it was still a kiss but not as calm and serene as always. She licked my bottom lip and her tongue touched mine. I was losing my control and my will. She pulled me on top of her in her bed and for a moment I didn't complain. She continued kissing me fiercely and she knew that I wanted to stop because she didn't want to let go my mouth with fear I would stop this. I found strength in the most remotes parts of my mind. I wasn't ready and neither was she. Yeah I had thirty five years and I wasn't ready... so what? The little tricky closed her arms around my neck… she wasn't going to make it easier. I unclasped her arms tenderly; the look in her face told me what she was thinking.

"Don't even dare to ask it," I warned her playfully. "I do want you but what's the rush?" she smiled guilty and I kissed her again. Soon she fell asleep in my arms and I heard Charlie and Sue outside; I stood up being careful of not waken up her; I jumped off the window and phased. I remembered that I had an unsolved matter.

I ran forward the opposite side of my house; I found what I was looking for and phased back… I knocked the door.

"Jacob?" Holly asked me. She smiled a little. "Whatcha doin' here? Come inside," she started pulling my arm but… of course… I didn't move an inch. She didn't know what I was doing there?

"I rather stay her," I said acidly. "I'm sure you know why I'm here," forget the acid tone… I was angry.

"I knew you would come," she smiled evilly. "Listen I did it because…" I didn't want to hear what she had to tell.

"I don't care Holly; I have been very patient with you… for respect to you I pretended I didn't know your feelings towards me, I tried so hard to pretend I was only a whim for you and I tried as hell not to hurt your feelings but you crossed the line today. You'll never come near to Renesmee again and that's a warning, Holly. One thing it's me and another totally different is Ness. I endured you for only God knows how much time because I felt guilty for not loving you but I owe you nothing now and I will never allow you hurt her again." I blurted out. She got angry with my words.

"And what are you going to do to me?" she defied me.

"Don't you get it? I love her. Renesmee. Just her. Why you insist over someone who doesn't want you? Even if she leaves me I'll never love you and you know that… she's my imprint. I tell you again in case you don't remember the next time."

"Please, Jacob, don't be like this with me… It was just a mistake, could you really blame me?" What? The inverse psychology only works for higher minds.

"Of course I do blame you," Any other guy wouldn't have seen this coming; she reached up for my face and tried to kiss me. I wasn't just a guy; I was a werewolf;I did see that coming and my senses were faster than her actions. I caught her by the shoulders before her lips touched mine.

"Stay away from us, girl. Seriously." I walked away and ran to Emily's house to pick my truck. Being there I saw Collin standing in the frame of the door outside waiting for me.

"Hey there," I said while opened my truck.

"Hi, Jacob," he spoke stuttering a little.

"There's something wrong?" I asked him before climb in.

"Um... no, I came to apologize for what my sister did." I should have expected that.

"Don't worry about it, Collin. It's not your fault; just help me with her. I don't want troubles with Nessie."

"I'll do it, she's not going to bother you again, promise," I didn't know if I should have believed in Collin's words, he seemed a guy of word but his sister was really out of control.

"That sounds correct… good night, Collin." I wasn't so willing to have a conversation with him, it has been a really long day; I drove to my house and I made it the exactly moment when the darkness of dreams began to take over my conscious. I couldn't even remember how I got to my bed but I remembered have been lying on my bed there and had smelled Ness in my pillow which helped me to relax my muscles and fell into a deep sleep.

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**A long one… and hard to write.**** Maybe there's some mistakes, sorry. Please reviews, think how happy that would make me. If someone would like to be my beta please send me a private message with the email. Really I need a beta! REVIEWS! Please.**


	11. Looking at you makes it harder

**A/N: ****Hi everyone! Another chapter… I just got 4 reviews for my last chapter (the author here was sad for a moment but then she remembered she owes to her reviewers and then went happy), anyway… I had a lot of problems with the story because I want so bad to get to the interesting part but I have to write other important things and I despair.**

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Dear Agony – Breaking Benjamin**

**Already Gone – Kelly Clarkson**

**Dare you to move – Switchfoot**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No one pays me because of all the br****ands I use or the songs. **

**Jane Strauss**

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**Chapter 10: Looking at you makes it harder**

I felt bad for saying this, so many people in the world suffering and fighting in wars or dying of starvation; but I couldn't help say that the worst pain I ever felt was saying goodbye to the love of my life.

Unfortunately, very unfortunately, my time in Forks, in La Push, and in Jacob's arms was over. Two days ago was our second month together and one day ago my talk with Sam. Sam… oh Sam… he just increased my misery.

_Flashback_

_I was by some miracle, alone in the house because Grandpa Charlie was with Billy, Sue at Emily's and Leah on patrol; Jacob was working and I was going to see him until later. The loneliness wasn't that bad, not when the only thing I hadn't in two months was loneliness. I knew that could have been resolved in seconds if I would run to La Push, but I decided against it since my depart date was so close and the separation was hurting me already. _

_I went upstairs to start to pack my things, it had to be in those moments because my departing wasn't a good topic with Jacob, or Grandpa, or my werewolves friends. I was so sad because of it, it hurt me to know that I was leaving Charlie, Sue, my aunt, uncle and friends but nothing was tearing me more apart than leaving Jacob._

_My sweet Jacob… __what am I gonna to do without him? This was the moment that I was afraid. He promised me that he would come to visit me every weekend and I would come in every vacation. Though that was a good plan I wasn't satisfied but was all I had in my hands. I would have quit college without thinking it, just to stay with him, but I knew very well he wouldn't accept it; he wanted me to live my life and experience everything the world had for me. He didn't want me to be just The Alpha's mate or Jacob's woman and I knew very deep, that I had to do it, for him and for myself; and one good day when our lives find balance I will come back to become his wife and life companion. That plan didn't sound bad in a future but until then my heart was being torn into pieces._

_He__ was, of course, avoiding anything that implied the words goodbye and airports, he even stayed until I fell asleep just to prevent the goodbyes. It was funny or twisted how I could talk about my departing with everyone, Charlie wanted to know if I already had my boarding passes and Sue wanted to give me some presents for my mom, but talk about that in front of Jacob was like become mute. _

_The sadness was taking over me but I shook it off and continued with the packing plan; that was when I heard someone was ringing the door. I went downstairs running and in front of me was Sam. His face was serious and without knowing why, he sent chills through my body. _

"_Hey, Sam," I greeted him._

"_Hello, Nessie, can I come in?" he asked me._

"_Sure, come in," he walked beside me and went to sit in the living room; I followed him and sat in front of him._

"_There's something wrong?," I questioned._

"_No, of course not. I just wanted… to talk with you," he said and I heard discomfort in his voice. _

"_What is it?" I was so nervous, what could possibly he want to tell me?_

"_Um… well. I just wanted to know if you and Jacob are going forward with the relationship." Why he asked me that? "I mean… with you going to college." I was staring at him bewildered._

"_I don't know if I understand you well," I said matter of fact; he didn't say anything and was staring at the floor. "What are you trying to ask, Sam?" It seemed he reunited the courage needed because he lifted his head and smiled a little without looking at me. _

"_You know, Nessie, We are a millennial tribe, our ancestries came even from the Ice Age; though the first werewolves were our great grandparents. We are full of history and we, the pack, the werewolves are very proud of it. And I know Jacob and myself are even more proud because I was the Alpha and he's the Alpha now… too much weight in our shoulders. The thing I want the most is pass everything to my kids, could you imagine that? How big that would be? My kids destined to be the next generation of wolves…" I couldn't understand less what Sam was trying to tell me, I only saw him pausing for a moment and then continued. "But as much as I want them to be the leaders of the future werewolves, that's not going to be. The power and command of this tribe is destined for Jacob's kids… not mine. And well… considering the fact that you're his imprint it will be obvious to think that you'll be the mother of those kids." What was he talking about???_

"_My point is, Nessie, that you're not as human as Emily, Kim or Rachel… you're half vampire; you're exactly from the same race we have been fighting for years. Half or not half, that just means that someday our blood will mix with yours. And that, Nessie…," he stopped and sighed lifting his head from the floor. "We can't mix blood with yours." _

"_Sam… what are you talking about?... I mean… Jacob and I we haven't even talked about it. We just have two months together." Why Sam came to talk about this?._

"_I know you just are beginning but I'm thinking in the future and I know Jacob never it's gonna stop loving you, as same as you… or are you planning another thing?" Sam's tone was now a little defiant. I gave him a glare that of course he understood. "That's what I thought." He began to play with his hands, searching, probably, for the right words. "I'm here to ask you…" he went silent and stared at me a seconds before dropping his eyes again. "To set him free." _

"_What?" I couldn't have heard him right._

"_Set him free, Nessie. Give him the chance to start a family. Give him the chance to have the offspring this tribe expects. Jacob Black is the rightful leader of the Quileute Wolves and his future child are, by birth, destined to be the next leaders. His son one day will command mine, Jared's, Paul's, Quil's… everyone. But that will be lost if you're the mother of those kids… if vampire blood run through their veins, then they will never have the chance, at least, of turning into wolves." I understood everything perfectly by then. I was so serious now, but without knowing what to think. Was he really serious? What he was asking for was too crazy. _

"_Does Jacob know what you came to ask?" I was overly serious. _

"_No… of course he doesn't know. I know he wouldn't appreciate what I'm doing. He does love you… but… what can you offer to him, Nessie?... Really… you think he has the time and age to play at being your college sweetheart? I don't have anything against you, but it's time for him to be happy, don't you think that? He suffered too much because of your mom, then he had to wait for you… eighteen years… and now he has to wait probably five years more to have what he had wanted since he was sixteen. He's making you happy, Ness. Who's making him happy? Who's gonna sacrifice something for him?," I was about to start to cry. "Certainly not you… you have to live the world and that's fine for you… I'm not telling you to go into exile because of him… I'm asking you to set him free and one day, maybe when you finish your studies then come back… and offer him what he really deserves. But don't keep him by your side when you can just be a sweet and lovely girlfriend." I was crying by then. Sam's plan was so mean and cruel for us. _

"_With all the respect that you deserve me, __that's Jacob and I business and what we are planning for the future only concern us and no one else. I'm not going to tell him what you came to ask me because it only would hurt him… a brother's betrayal is the last thing he expects, don't you think?" I saw his face fell to the floor. "For some reason I do understand what you're saying, but that doesn't mean that I share your opinion, Sam… it's so easy for you to ask for something like that, but what will you do if I ask you to leave Emily?... Don't make mistakes, Sam… it's not that easy." I stood up calmly. "I heard what you came to say. You can leave now," I didn't wait for an answer and walked out of the room and through the stairs. I heard him close the door and his truck leaving my driveway._

_End of flashback_

How I was going to handle that? Apparently, I wasn't the best mate for Jacob; my vampire blood will ruin Jacob's. Honestly… what was that shit??! Did he really say that?? It was serious?? Was he really expecting me to say "You're right, Sam. Tell Jacob I said bye."? I knew Sam was an intelligent man, what happened to him?

His words didn't affect me as much as I would think and I thought it was because the only idea was extremely ridiculous and he couldn't expect from me to consider it. I continued packing for a while until Sue and Leah came back; Sue was fixing dinner for Leah while she came to sit next to me in the sofa.

"At what time are you leaving?"

"Two o'clock," I said.

"Everything's ready?" she asked and I nodded but after a moment of silent I lifted my eyes from the floor and she was arching an eyebrow.

"Oh… that. Um… I pretty sure he knows I'm leaving tomorrow but for some reason he's avoiding the subject."

"You should face him tonight, Nessie. I know it's hard but you have to calm him down. If you wait until tomorrow then maybe it's gonna be twice hard."

"I know but that doesn't make it easier," I was now sad again, she patted my back. "I wish I could stay… but that wolf of mine it's not going to allow it."

"Good thing you know him very well, that way you just don't have to waste time arguing about that." She made me smile a little. "Besides… college doesn't sound that bad… you can be like Reese Whiterspoon in Legally Blonde." I gave her a look that made her burst into laughs.

The afternoon went fast because I spent it laughing and chatting with Sue and Leah, when the clock said it was seven with ten I heard a car pulling over Charlie's driveway. Correction… not a car, a truck. I opened the door and my midsummer's night dream was there. I hugged him tightly and he did the same, burying his face in my hair.

"How was work?" I ask him.

"Slow. Boring." He said. "I just got out, I'm starving."

"Do you want me to fix you something?"

"Naah… just come with me. I can buy something to eat and we can go to First Beach a while. Do you like the idea?" he said while kissing my cheek and jaw. I smiled and nodded. Maybe that time in the beach could be useful for the conversation we had sloped.

He drove to Sonic and bought two hamburgers and while he ate them he parked the car and we talked about our days. Actually, I talked about my day since his mouth was too full. After he finished he drove back to La Push and we walked towards the beach.

We sat there watching the sunset for only God knows how much time and I caught myself trying to find the guts to talk to him about my departure. He had his big arms around me and I was kissing his cheek, jaw and neck. _It's now or never, Renesmee._

"Jacob?" I was still kissing his neck.

"Uhm?" he mumbled. I stopped kissing him and lifted my face to watch his face; he was staring at the horizon.

"Do you know what day is tomorrow?" I asked him. He went complete still and silent. After seconds he finally took a breath.

"I do know what day is tomorrow," he tightened his arms around me.

"Don't you want to talk about it?" I knew I sounded nervous. He sighed and made me to look at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk with you about it before, it just… this is not easy for me, Ness," he said.

"Do you think it's easy for me?" I asked a little annoyed.

"That's not what I meant." He went silent, trying to find the right words, I guess. "But you don't think as fatalist as I do."

"Fatalist?" I was so puzzled. He took my face in his hands.

"Just promise me you're gonna come back to me and I swear I'll endure everything like a big boy" he whispered in a pleading. I took his face in my hands now.

"I love you, Jacob. That I didn't imprint on you doesn't mean that my love isn't real or less than yours." I kissed him once. "I don't want to leave in first place… but I know that argument is already lost with you but I promise come back to you always, every time, forever." He smiled then.

"That's what I wanted to hear. I expect that to weigh on you every time someone asks you out, because I know as hell that somebody is going to do it." He said half kidding.

"And I'm going to tell them that I have a huge boyfriend whom can crash their little heads between his hands?" I asked amusingly. He started pretending to cry.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," he hugged me like a mother being proud of their kids. I took advantage and wrapped tightly my arms around him.

We didn't say anything for a while. The sunset was almost over and he turned me around and hugged me by the shoulders and neck. We stood very still there until the sun hid completely.

"Tell me something nobody knows about you." I asked him.

"That's hardly possible. My pack knows even the color of my underwear." I laughed.

"Think hard," I pushed.

"Okay… let me think." He went silent for two minutes or more. "I think I have one… I never thought about it after I did it." He tightened his embrace. "The day I went to talk with Sam… after you were born… before going to talk to him I went to my mom's grave and I… talked with her. I told her that I found you. That I had understood all she told me once that love never came the way we'd want. I told her that you were the most precious creature ever and that I'll do everything in my power to have you in my future. I told her too that I was nervous about talking with Sam and asked her to help me with that. That was a good moment." I was crying when he finished. He wiped my tears. "You were talking about something funny, weren't you?" I shook my head.

"No. I just wanted to feel that nobody knows you as well as I do." He gave me his best smile.

"I would like to say that too, but I think Edward knows you better than me," he said a little sad.

"That's not true," I said kissing him softly. "He doesn't know about us," I continued kissing his jaw and neck.

"Speaking about that…" he trailed off and I, immediately, knew what he was talking about. "What are you going to tell to Edward and Bella?

"I'm gonna talk my mom from the airport here and ask her to shield me; I want to tell them… not that my dad hears everything," I said.

"You want me to talk with them later?" That would be wonderful, but much to my despite, I knew that was something I needed to tell them by myself. Maybe dad wants to talk with Jacob later; but was my turn first.

"It's probably that my dad's gonna call you after that, but let me tell them first, okay?" He nodded.

"We should go, it's getting late," He said, I didn't want to leave but what was the point of avoiding the unavoidable?

Jacob talked about the work and Billy's complain about a pain in the arm. I knew he was trying really hard to forget my leaving. He was being strong for me… so… as long as he was being the strong then I'd be the weak. We went silent for a moment and I turned around to watch by the window. And then… the sadness took over me. I began to cry slightly. Jacob knew it maybe the exactly second the first tear ran down my cheek because he pulled over and took me in his arms. My sobbing became loud and I clung to him. He held me for a while until my tears faded away.

"Ness," he whispered. "I need you to be strong, please." He was pleading me and I nodded. He kissed my forehead and checked if I was okay before starting the truck again. When we got to grandpa's house, he was already there, which is why Jacob said goodbye to me in the door. I begged him to stay and climb into my room in a while.

I stayed with grandpa and Sue chatting until they were ready to sleep. Practically I ran to my room and saw Jacob with his back at me, looking at the window. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head in his back. We didn't say much that night. He just stayed with me, hugging me and comforting me.

When light rays of sun woke me up I took it as a death sentence. My last day here… my last day with my friends. Last day with the essence of my being: Jacob. I opened my eyes and saw him sleeping beside me. He wasn't snoring as always, so probably he was alert. I moved a little and how I suspected it, his eyes opened; he smiled me and I kissed him.

I didn't realize was really late, it was ten o'clock in the morning. I listened carefully and I heard a lot of voices downstairs. Jacob saw my confused face.

"It's the pack. It's here to say goodbye," I smiled a little and stood up. I took a shower and changed my clothes. When I was ready I took Jacob's hand and pulled him with me towards the door. He pulled back a little. "I'm not gonna be able to explain Charlie why I came from the stairs if I left last night." I blushed of embarrassing and he laughed. "Let me go to change my clothes and I'll be here in twenty minutes," he asked for my permission I nodded and then he jumped out of the window.

I was already missing him when Leah opened de door, without asking of course.

"Are you awake?" she asked loudly.

"Didn't you hear me from downstairs?" She rolled her eyes.

"I was expecting for Jacob to leave," she winked at me. "Come on, there's people waiting for you," he pulled me with her. In the living room was Emily with her kids, Embry, Seth, Quil, Claire, Paul, Rachel and Billy. Everyone hugged me and wished me a good trip back home. Rachel, in particular, hugged me tight. She above the others knew how hard this would be for me. I hugged Billy and thanked him for everything and to my surprise; he thanked me for making his son happy.

Half hour later, Jacob appeared in my door with dark jeans, a white t-shirt and his leather black jacket. I hugged him tightly. Everyone stayed a while for lunch and left at one o'clock. I stayed sat in the couch with Jacob.

"I have something for you," he announced me.

"Something for me?" I asked

"Uh hum. Come with me," He took me outside to his car; he opened the driver's door and took a little and flat rectangle and handled to me. I grabbed it still looking at his eyes suspiciously. I let my eyes fall and saw a beautiful portrait made of fancy wood with a gorgeous picture of us. I had forgotten that picture. Jacob was behind me with his arms wrapped around my shoulders, his chin resting in my right shoulder and his left cheek resting in my right cheek. It was a really amazing picture and I loved the way we were hugged. One happy tear ran down my cheek.

"I love it! Thank you," I reached to give him a quick kiss.

"You have to put in your room in college, that way everyone will know than you have a big bad boyfriend." I laughed.

"You can count with that," I told him.

We headed inside the house again and he helped me with the last things that I needed to pack. My cell phone rang and I answered it. It was my dad whom wanted to know if everything was set and ready. I told him not to worry and he hung up.

By the time I have to leave to the airport, Grandpa Charlie, Sue, Seth and Leah climbed to Jacob's truck. When we reached the airport, I felt so much pain in my stomach. The unavoidable was now in front of me. I registered my luggage and then went to say goodbye to everyone. I gave Seth a letter for Jacob. Just when the woman said the flight to Chicago, Illinois was boarding I was hugging Grandpa Charlie. He wished me a good trip and I promised to come back for Christmas. When I was done with them I realized it was turn to say goodbye to whom I will never be prepared to say goodbye. I turned around and ran into him.

I never felt so torn in my life, my hands were numb and my body was shaking slightly. Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist and back and I clung to him. We stayed like that for short moments and then he grabbed my face between his hands and kissed all my face and for last, my lips. I stuck my lips to his and kissed him very very deeply. When we broke apart I was crying and he was too, not as much as me though.

"I love you," he said to me. "Don't forget that, okay?" I nodded.

"I love you more," I said and he smiled.

"Just three weeks," he said in my ear.

"Three weeks," I told him back.

The voice of the lady from the speakers caught me off guard. It was the last call for those ones to Chicago. I didn't care, I kissed Jacob again and he kissed me back passionately but short.

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**That was Chapter 10… pretty sad if you ask me. Next chapter will be Nessie telling her parent****s about Jacob and college too! And new friendships. And there would be a little Jacob's POV just to read the letter.**

**Reviews please!!! **** I promise to write sooner if I get a lot of reviews!!**

**PUSH THE BOTTON, IT ONLY TAKE A MINUTE!**


	12. Older Ones, New Ones and My Forever One

**A/N: I wanna thank you all my reviewers. You guys rock in my heart. I wanna thank you ****especially to**** anotherhuman****, ****ILH****, ****QueenApo****, ****belén ****and ****Angel4057.**

**Here's another chapter with Nessie's letter like I promised****. And with the introduction of Nessie's new friend and… a new man! Pay attention because I let you guys know his name. I want the awesome part begins!! Gosh… don't worry it's gonna take me only two or three chapters more. **

**Song**** for this chapter: If you only knew – Shinedown**

**Jane Strauss**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the rest of the saga; I don't own any song I used, the only thing I know until now are the new characters in this chapter and Nightmare Holly hahaha.**

**Chapter XI: ****Older Ones, New Ones and My Forever One.**

**Jacob's POV**

I didn't cried because I had to be strong for her, but I was dying from inside. Even though I was going to see her in three weeks, it didn't seem to comfort me. Not when I had her all for myself for two entire months. But I had to let her go.

I drove Charlie, Sue, Seth and Leah to Charlie's house. All the way to the house Seth talked calmly about random things with Leah or Sue. I was quiet. When we reached the house everybody climbed out.

"Hey man, Mom's gonna fix us something to eat, do you want some?" Seth asked me.

"I just want to go home, but thanks anyway." He half smiled.

"Okay, then" He reached for something in his pockets and then showed it at me. It was an envelope. "This is for you. Nessie told me to give it to you." My eyed widened. I took it fast.

"Thanks," I told Seth. He closed the passenger door and went inside the house. I wanted to see what was it, but I decided I'd do it in my house.

I drove fast and within minutes I was in my living room. I opened the envelope. It was a letter… from Nessie.

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_Jacob, my love:_

_I'm missing you as hell right now and I will continue doing it until my heart could be again with you…. How corny was that??._

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

I laughed with that.

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_It doesn't matter ya'__ know? Because it's pure truth, my love… I'm thinking that I forgot to thank you for the best summer of my life and for all you gave me. _

_You know… it's almost painfully funny how I really never experienced real pain before… until now. I'm sure you know that it hurt me to leave you but I'm sure too that you don't know how that tore me apart._

_But I'm not gonna be depressing right now… it's already hard enough. I just wanted to tell you things that I couldn't because I knew that I would start crying or a huge knot in my throat wouldn't let me talk. _

_I'm very happy to see the man you've become, Jacob. I'm so proud of you and proud of how far you've come. I wouldn't expect less from you. Do you remember the day you told me that I completed your life and your heart? That made me felt beyond special… more special than being two things at time, more special than being a miracle to my family, even more special than being your best friend. Though you'll think otherwise… You're the best thing ever happened to me._

_You made me promise you that I will come back. That wasn't necessary, because I would have come b__ack even if you hadn't asked it or even if you don't want me there again. I'm so in love with you that I'll become a stalker if you don't want me. But I'm so lucky you do!_

_I love you, Jake. I love you enough to wait for our time to be really together. __I would never trade you for anything or anyone. _

_With all I have, all I mean and all I am_

_Yours always, every time, forever._

_**Nessie.**_

_PS. Thank you for the best summer of my existence!_

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**Nessie's POV**

The flight was so painful. I didn't want to be alone, not when the sadness was inside me waiting for me to give up. Crying wasn't an option now, my flight was arriving in half hour and didn't want my family would ask the reason of my tears and then couldn't hold them back.

I do was happy. I missed my family too much but I left my heart in La Push. It was hard to try to divide your heart between the ones you love and the one you love the most, so… I didn't, I just let it with the one that owns it.

When the flight landed I was really expecting to see my parents and aunt Alice, and of course I saw them. My mom and dad were talking to each other until Alice saw me and came running to hug me. She forgot for a short moment that I was just half vampire, I was gasping for air in seconds and she released me.

"Oh my God, Nessie. You don't know how much we missed you. How was the flight?" When she asked me that, mom and dad came to hug me; I hugged them back.

"Welcome home, dear." My mom told and I stared to her for a short second and she nodded. That was how I knew she was shielding me at my petition.

"Too Long."

"Are you tired?" Dad asked me.

"Tired of planes, airports and flights." They laughed while dad took my luggage. When we were on our way to home, Mom began with questions.

"How's Charlie?"

"As healthy as a horse and… happy. Sue's great person. He's definitely happy with her." I saw mom smiling. She, sometimes, felt guilty because when she and Charlie finally got time to be together she met my dad and married him year and a half later.

"How's everyone in La Push?" Dad asked me and I saw his eyes through the rearview mirror. Sure he didn't know anything but through the years he learned to read faces. Thanks, mom! What he saw? Nervousness and anxiety.

"Everyone's great. I saw Claire… too much time had passed since the last time I saw her. She's dating with Quil, now. And saw Rachel, she and Paul got married two years ago. They showed me the pictures, it was at First Beach, and her dress was gorgeous. And Embry imprinted; I met her the first night, her name's Lucy and she's really pretty." I said trying to avoid any other question.

"How's Jacob?" Alice asked and I turned to look by the window trying to contain the tears.

"He's awesome. I had a lot of fun with him. I had forgotten the great time we used to have. I'm gonna miss him… a lot." That was all I said. By the time we reached the house, I saw Emmett standing in the door with his goofy smile. I jumped out of the car and ran to him. I hugged him tightly and his laugh made his chest tremble.

"Uncle Emmett," I cheerfully said.

"How's my little squirrel?" I laughed. "One single day more and I'd have gone to pull you away from that dog." I hit his arm.

"Don't be mean," I smiled.

Aunt Rosalie, grandpa Carlisle and grandma Esme came from different rooms in the house to greet me. When uncle Jasper came and hugged me and stared at me. He was feeling my sadness.

"It's everything alright, Nessie?" he asked too fast and too low for anyone to heard. But sure my dad did. I nodded and hugged him again.

After the entire furor and talk about Charlie and everyone in La Push, it was time for mom, dad and myself to leave. Like in Forks, my parents had a house besides the main one and I had a room in both of them but I asked my mom if we could go to our house that night.

When we reached the house, I went to change my clothes and to organize my closet and took with me the picture of us that Jacob gave me. When I came back to the living room I saw my parents talking and waiting for me. I sighed and went to sit in front of them. They looked at me a little worried.

"Your mom told me you want to tell us something," my dad said and I nodded. "What is it?" I was so nervous.

"Well…," I sighed again. "Being in Forks was amazing… and I… well…," I stopped talking, took a deep breath and I realized I couldn't really say it, so I unclasped the portrait that I had been holding against my body and handled it to my mom. She took it from my hands and stared at it for like it seemed forever, and then sighed.

My dad was puzzled until mom gave him my portrait; he took it and just stared at it for five seconds.

"It happened this summer," I said slowly. I saw my mom's eyes got wide and my dad had his best poker face. I didn't want them to misunderstand anything. "I don't feel bad about it, I'm too happy with us being together, but I'd like to know what you think about it"

"Since when?" mom asked me.

"Two months ago," I closed my eyes a little. "Please, don't be mad at me, or him. We didn't do anything wrong." I was too overwhelmed.

"We're not mad at you, dear," my mom spoke first. "Or him," continued. "We're just surprised, but this was going to happen sooner or later, I guess." She went silent and then turned to look at my dad. He looked at her and she spoke again. "Did he tell you about…?" It sounded like if she wasn't going to end the question.

"Imprinting?" She nodded. "He explained everything." I made and emphasis in the word everything. My mom didn't say anything after and turned around to look at my dad, again. "Dad, please tell me something." I begged him and his eyes softened. "Tell me that it's okay to love Jacob," I wanted to cry; the tears were in my eyes waiting for me to let them fall.

"Nessie, don't cry," his eyes were all soft. "I'm not saying anything bad about this. You just have to understand that it's not easy for any dad that his daughter says something like that to him. I don't like to have to share you, Nessie," he paused for a moment and smiled at me. "But I have to learn to do it, haven't I?" I smiled wide.

"Does that mean that you are okay with it?" I asked them and both nodded. I laughed and went to hug them.

"Well," my dad said. "It's not everything okay. I need to talk with Jacob and have a little talk with you too, but that could wait, couldn't it?" I nodded. "Go to sleep, dear." He kissed my forehead and I stayed close to his face.

"Thank you, dad. This means a lot for me, do you know that?" he smiled.

"I know," I stood up and kissed mom too and went to my room. I was getting ready to sleep when my cell phone rang. My heart raced up. I answered.

"_I love you,"_ was the first thing I said and heard him chuckling.

_**Not as mu**__**ch as me, but keep trying. **_He said in my favorite husky voice.

"_I miss you,"_ I was half happy to hear his voice and half sad to know he was far.

_**I miss you too. You have no idea how much. **_

We stayed silent for a couple of seconds.

"_I told them."_

_**You did? What did they tell you?**_

"_Nothing wrong. I thought for a moment that __they'd get mad, but mom told me she kind of expected it and dad told me he wasn't mad, that I have to give him some time to accept it, you're probably gonna receive a call from him."_

_**Maybe he's not mad with you, Edward's probably mad at me. I'm the one taking advantage of his little treasure. **_

We both laughed.

"_I don't think so. He loves you, I just know."_

_**It's gonna be your entire fault if you don't see again.**_

"_None of that, Black.__ You promised me three weeks_," I reminded him seriously with my gangster voice and he chuckled

_**I'm keeping my promise. I would go to see you when you finish moving to college.**_

"_If I move __in a week will you come earlier?"_ I asked, now softly, almost pleading.

_**As much as I'd love to do that, you need some time with your family. We're gonna be together again soon, I promise. Don't hurry things up**__._

"_Fine,"_ I said pouting my mouth and he could hear the stubbornness in my voice and started chuckling.

_**I read your letter…**_

With his voice in my ear I almost forgot about the letter. I don't know why but I blushed and remain silent.

_**Thank you, baby. It meant a lot, you know? A**__**ll I've ever done since you were born has been for you. I wanted to be a better man.**_

_And you're the best. I just wanted you to know that I noticed it and that I'm so proud of you._

I could tell he was smiling.

_**I have work tomorrow. I'll call you when I get back, okay?**_

"_Okay,"_ I said sad.

_**Smile for me, please.**_

I couldn't deny him anything and that made me smiled, actually.

"_I love you,"_ I told him for third time today.

_**And I need you**__**. Talk to you tomorrow. Dream with us.**_

"_Always,"_ I said hanging up.

I slept well that night, everything seemed to be okay, my parents were fine with me and Jacob being together, Jacob called me last night and it was time to organize everything for college. I was sleeping peacefully when I heard the little annoying pixies steps.

"Nessie wake up, it's late," she started shaking my shoulder.

"Leave me alone. Late for what?" I said moving away from her.

"Didn't Edward tell you that you already have a roommate?" I shook my head still with my face in the pillow. "Her name's Emilia. Your dad has her e-mail. You can contact her, now." God, why was she so excited? I remained in my bed.

"So… Jacob, uh?" I didn't say anything. "How much..?" I sighed.

"Two months," I still wasn't looking at her.

"Two months?! ," she sounded alarmed. "Do you guys… already… you know," Earth please, swallow me.

I got up and went to the bathroom, she followed me but I smiled as pushed her slightly out of the bathroom. When I got out after my shower, my outfit for today and Alice herself were in my bed. I sighed and went to pick out the clothes and she took my wrist.

"You didn't answer my question."

"No, aunt Alice. We have done anything." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh… okay. That's good."

"Can I have some time to put my clothes on?" She stood up and smiled at me one more time before leaving me alone. When I was ready I ran to the main house.

My parents were looking at a single paper sheet in my dad's hands; Aunt Alice was just dancing and spinning around doing who knows what. Grandma was outside with her flowers and Emmet was, in other room, watching the TV. I went to sit in front of my parents.

"Alice told me I have a roommate," I said to them.

"You do. Her name's Emilia Prinzmetal. She was born in Missouri but her father is German. She's twenty years old. She's studying Sociology, is in the same division as you. I have her e-mail if you want it," he offered it to me, I took it.

"When I'm leaving?" I asked them. I liked the idea of going college but I never took care of that stuff; daddy came one day asking me for Universities, one week later came asking me for divisions and I chose History. I wasn't sure if that was a good idea but now seemed perfect, just three years and later I might marry Jacob.

I heard my dad cleared his throat. Not shield anymore. Sorry.

"Probably in a week and a half or two, you decide. Classes start the third week." I thought about it.

"Two weeks," Dad nodded.

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Time ran fast and slow at the same time, it was already the day I would move my things to my new room in College. But at the same time it was just the end of the second week… how many times I have to endure until my chance to see Jacob???... He called me every day at night, we talked for hours but still wasn't the same that having him with me. Just one week more.

My parents came with me, the building was pretty big but still I had to share my room. It was pretty quiet, though it was crowded but the people didn't do so much noise. I was watching around when my dad spoke.

"Sorry, dear. No frat boys," he teased me.

"Why, daddy, why?" I said laughing.

I opened the door of what supposed to be my room. It was a big open one with woody colors, too college look a-like. I entered with my luggage and the second thing I saw after the room's color, it was the back of a large girl; she was brunette and tall, probably 5'9 or more and slender. She heard me and turned around, her skin looked pretty nice and her eyes were light green. She was pretty, though a little shy. She didn't have a big sense of fashion, but she had some sophisticate air around her.

"Hello," she smiled at me. "You must be Renesmee Cullen," and for once, someone whom just met me, pronounced my name in the right way. I nodded. "I'm Emilia Prinzmetal."

"Nice to meet you," was all I could think to say.

"I picked that bed, I hope you don't mind." She was very polite in a diplomatic way. I shook my head. I felt awkward when we stood silent, so I broke the silence.

"This is my brother Edward," I said pointing to my dad. "And his girlfriend Bella," My parents smiled at her and shook her hand. I went to place my bags in the naked bed. Emilia continued with her things and my parents stayed just for an hour more.

They promised to come back the next day to help me with another boxes, schedules and buildings. I begun to accommodate my things, first the big ones like my clothes and bed sheets and then the little ones. My most prized possessions were in one of my bags. It wasn't too much, just my laptop, my iPod and my virtual books, but the best things were in a little bag, my jewels, that weren't too much, just my mom's locket, Jacob's promise bracelet and a little slender ring with my family's crest. But I had there too my family's pictures and the beautiful one Jacob gave me before my departing. I placed it in my night stand.

"Who are they?" Emilia's voice came from behind me and it caught me a little off guard.

"They're my family," I took the frame. "Carlisle and Esme, my parents. My siblings Alice, Edward and Emmett and their mates Jasper, Bella and Rosalie." She seemed surprised, who wouldn't?

"Your parents seem very young," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, they are. I'm adopted." She made an O mouth and then took the next picture.

"And they?" she asked and I couldn't help but smile.

"They're my best friends." It was a picture of the half of the pack. Just my closest friends, Seth, Quil, Embry, Cameron and my Jacob.

"They're huge," Her eyes were wide and I nodded still smiling. "And pretty look a-like," this time her voice had a hint of curiosity. Well if she was ready I could tell her the whole story about them… well… almost the whole story.

"All of them are from La Push, Washington. Quileutes." Realization appeared in her face.

"I understand, now." She smiled at me and placed the portrait back and took the special one.

"Who's him,?" I smiled even wider.

"That's Jacob, my boyfriend." Every day I was closer to see him again and I thought that was the reason why thinking of him just brought me happy memories and not the longing sad feelings like it had been since I left him.

She stared at our picture for a moment and then lifted her face.

"You two make a lovely couple," she said before placing the last portrait and went to pick the only portrait in her night stand and showed to me, in the picture was herself with whom I guess were her parents and a brother. "This is my dad Geoffrey and my mom Julia," she said pointing them. "And this is my brother… Esdras," she said. _Esdras? What a strange name._

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So… that was chapter eleven… Emilia and Esdras Prinzmetal… they sound promising… and I swear that they're not vampires or werewolves with hidden powers.

Please… reviews!! I wrote faster this time, just week and a half.

**PRESS THE BUTTON, PLEASE. FOR ME.**


	13. Candyman

**A/N: One more time…. THANK YOU SOO MUCH TO MY REVIEWERS! You guys are my inspiration believe it or not!.**

**I have to say it… today I found out that I could know how many people have read my stories and I choked with a Mountain Dew. Oh My Gosh!! I have 3,216 hits!!! THANK YOU FOR THAT TOO!!**

**And I wanna explain from where the name Esdras came. Okay I'm a medical student since a year ago and this semester I began to take classes in hospitals and one day walking out of the hospital I saw in a wall inside the territory, a huge poster that said VOTE FOR ESDRAS, I still don't know who's Esdras but my grandmother told me he was the administration's chairman from the hospital looking for reelection. I could care less about it but the name was too cool. But I also learned that the name comes from the Bible but I took it from the poster outside the hospital.**

**And last thing… I want you to let me know which one has been your favorite quote from this story by far! Please let me know!! Make a big effort to let a review with that information! **

**Jane Strauss**

* * *

**Chapter ****XII: Candyman**

I woke up early; excitement didn't let me have too much of sleep the last two days, just one day more to see Jacob again. It was my fifth day of school, college wasn't that bad, I just got seven subjects and they were kind of easy because they were basic ones like English or Research Methodology. I went to take a shower and when I got out, Emilia was at the edge of her bed but still a little asleep but when I shot the bathroom's door closed she woke up.

"Why so early?" she asked rubbing her eyes.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Because…" she trailed off.

"Jacob's coming," I said a little cheerfully, she still didn't know him but I'd bet she was already tired of me talking about him.

"When?," she asked now searching for her slippers.

"Tomorrow," I said while pulling my hair into a ponytail.

"Really? I'm wondering if I'd get to meet him, my dad and brother are coming today."

"They are?" she nodded.

"I forgot two boxes in my house," she rolled her eyes. "At what time Jacob's coming?"

"I think in the morning, but I'm not sure, he never mentioned it and I never asked."

"How long is he gonna stay?"

"Until Monday, he has it off," I tell her.

"Oh, then there's not gonna be any problem, if I don't meet him tomorrow then maybe on Sunday," she smiled at me and I smiled back. "Where is he gonna stay?"

"Um… I haven't asked him yet… all I know it's that is close to here," she was looking for clothes.

"Are you staying with him?" she asked as it was something obvious but I blushed. Jacob didn't know what I was planning but I did want to stay with him but of course, I had to ask him.

"Maybe," I said trying to sound like if wasn't important. She didn't ask me more and went to take a shower.

The day went painfully slow because I just had four classes with two free hours between each one, but finally at seven o'clock I was free. That's what I wanted but then my head was completely free to feel the anxiety. Great.

I went to my room and started to make my homework but it didn't take me too long, in half hour I was done with it and again I found myself with nothing with which to fill the time. I went to take another shower because I wanted to be really clean and soft for my Jacob. I changed my clothes and just when I ended up with my hair I heard a knock in the door. It couldn't be Emilia, she had the key.

When I opened the door, in front of me, was a huge guy. At first my eyes met with his chest until I lifted my face to see his face. He was really tall, like 6'3, though he wasn't as tall as Jacob. He was pretty look a-like with Emilia; brown short hair and green eyes; actually he was handsome and muscular, his only presence was a little impressive. He stared at me for short seconds and then smiled at me.

"Hello," he extended his hand to me. "You must be Renesmee. I'm Esdras, Emilia's brother." I shook his hand.

"Oh, right. Nice to meet you" he was still smiling and that made me feel weird. "She's not here, yet."

"Aw," he made a grin. "She told me to come to this hour." He looked at the aisle expecting to see her, I guessed. "Do you have her cell phone? I do, but I forgot mine."

"Sure," I made my way to my purse and dialed her number, she told me that was in her way and tell her brother to wait five minutes.

"She's on her way; she said five minutes," he rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Thank you," and went to sit in one of the benches outside the rooms. I stared at him for a second and when I was on my way inside the room he talked to me again. "So… you're from Washington, right?" I nodded. "Seattle?" I shook my head.

"Forks, a small town." He made an O mouth.

"I never heard about it," he went silent. "You're from Sociology too?"

"History," I gave up and went to sit with him. Better with someone rather than hysterical in my room.

"That sounds boring, no offense."

"Then I guess is a good thing that I'm the one studying it and not you," he laughed.

"Maybe you'll find my degree boring too," I widened my eyes just to encourage him to continue. "Architecture and Constructions," that was good.

"Not at all. Sounds fun, but I don't have the patient enough."

"But you do have the patient to study History," I smiled wide, I could see his point. "Everything's clear now," we both smiled and then his eyes stared quickly at something above my head at the end of the aisle and then returned his face to look at me. "Do you know him?" he whispered as his chin pointed behind me.

I turned around and my eyes caught the ones I wished all the time to see. My heart stopped that moment and my smile grew wider than ever. Then my heart restarted and raced up. I stood up and went running to him. Always, every time, forever. It was my Jacob.

He was even more beautiful than I remembered and just his image in my head was enough to calm me. When I finally touched him the world disappeared. I buried my face in his neck and wrapped my arms around his back. He caught me in his strong arms and buried his face in my hair. I inhaled him and then took my head away from his neck and a looked into his brown eyes, we both smiled and he took his hand from my back to my neck and pulled me to his lips. Three weeks without him was enough. I grabbed his face with both of my hands and then moved them to his hair. The little moment our lips were apart, he kissed my forehead, my cheeks and my nose, but I couldn't resist it and kissed him on the lips again, fiercely. He pulled away and I started kissing his features.

"Why you didn't tell me you were coming today?," I said between kisses.

"I should have called but I didn't know you were busy," two things happened at the same time: my heart jumped with just hearing his voice so close to me and with just feeling his breath in my face; and second… he was apparently jealous because he found me smiling to another guy. I made a shocked/annoyed face and his angry eyes didn't change.

"It's my roommate's brother," I whispered low enough, his face remained serious; I began to worry and to feel guilty and when he saw that, he burst into laughs and I punched his arm. "God, you scared me," I said and he kissed me again.

"I missed you so much, Ness," my heart melted.

_I missed you too, Jacob._ He smiled and then went o my ear.

"Now there are two people looking at us." He whispered and I, reluctantly, turned around to see what he said. Emilia and her brother were looking at us. I turned my face to see Jacob and I smiled. I kissed him one more time, took his hands and went to where Emilia was standing. When we were close, she smiled politely.

"You must be, Jacob," she said shaking Jacob's hand, she was surprised to see Jacob's size… who wouldn't? "If you don't, then I guess she's in troubles." I laughed a little so did Jacob. "I'm Emilia Prinzmetal, Nessie's roommate."

"I'm afraid that I'm Jacob. Nice to meet you"

Emilia's brother stood up and that's how I realized how big both were; Esdras was almost as tall as Jacob, both muscular but again… Jacob was more. He introduced himself.

"Esdras Prinzmetal," he said shaking Jacob's hand too.

"Jacob Black," maybe it was my imagination, but Jacob wasn't as friendly with Esdras as he was with Emilia.

"Why you didn't tell me he was coming early?" Emilia demanded me in a funny way.

"I didn't know it! He didn't tell me." I smiled.

"Emilia, can we go now? I've been waiting for you since ten minutes ago." Esdras was a little annoyed.

"Fine," she went inside apartment but not before saying goodbye to us. "Nice to meet you, Jacob. I hope to see you soon." She even hugged him and her effusiveness took Jacob off guard. I just laughed just to see his face.

I pulled him out of the building, I just say goodbye to Esdras, he smiled me and a growl came from Jacob's throat.

"I hope to see you again, Renesmee." I smiled politely and waved him goodbye. A couple of seconds before Jacob talked.

"Oh, what a shame… he doesn't want to see ME again!" he made and emphasis pretty obvious and my favorite annoyed face. I reached for his face.

"Who cares? I did want to see you," I said flirting with him; he smiled me and kissed me.

"I still don't like him," he said pouting.

"Why's that?" I asked curiously.

"Because, despite the fact he knows you're mine he still continued flirting with you, all charming," Jacob was really annoyed but I knew he didn't feel threatened or something.

"So what?," I asked annoyed too. "It's not like it was working." I said while putting my puppy eyes.

"I know, Ness," he kissed my forehead. "But according to Christina Aguilera… There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm." Jacob and I laughed harder than ever, when we stopped I kissed him on the lips once.

"But you're my sweet-talkin' sugar coated candyman." I kissed his nose and cheeks while his laugh resounded in his chest. I buried my face in the nook of his neck and after a while he yawned. "You're tired," I said while caressing his hair.

"I am, but I couldn't resist one day more," he kissed my neck a couple of times.

"And I'm happy that you surprised me… but you should get some sleep. We can have fun tomorrow." I said still caressing his hair and neck.

"Are you sure?" he asked me. My poor wolf still was still relating the decisions to me; he was so tired and he was telling me that, if I wanted, he could stay.

I nodded and he smiled lazily and rested for a moment his head in my shoulder. _Courage, Nessie._

"Jacob?" I asked and he made a sound to let me know he was listening. "Can I…" I stuttered a little. "Can I stay with you tonight?" he took his head from my shoulder and looked at me like if didn't understand. "I mean… do you mind if I stay with you… in the hotel?" I was still asking him and then he understood, his face didn't change and a very slight smiled begun to appear in his handsome face.

"And why are you so nervous?" he asked me a little amused.

"Well… it's about you getting some rest and I don't want to make you feel uneasy with me there," when I said that, Jacob stared at me like if I said something wrong.

"Uneasy? Why?" he asked confused. "Are you planning on doing something to me?" he said flirting and I couldn't help but laugh and blush, he sighed. "I don't mind if you stay with me, actually… I find it more than great." I smiled from ear to ear and we kissed for a long time. Then I came back to my room to pick some clothes and other personal things like my tooth brush and later Jacob and I took a taxi to his hotel.

I was expecting a cheap hotel or at least a normal one, but the hotel where Jacob was staying was actually an expensive one and though his room was a standard one, it was luxurious. I convinced him to take a shower while I ordered room service for him. We didn't do too much that night, just movies and kissing and sleeping. I had to recognize that I thought it would be awkward but it wasn't at all.

The next day was another different story; I gave him a tour for the whole campus and believe or not, it took us half day! By dinner time we went to an Italian restaurant near to the hotel and then we took a peaceful walk through the streets until we got to the hotel very late at night.

I'm not gonna lie, I tried to seduce him twice and he rejected me twice; I wasn't mad because I knew he did it for me, he wanted to wait because of me and because we had just four months together. I got frustrated at first but I went triumphant when he told me that he wasn't as old mind as my dad and that he wasn't going to make me wait until marriage but we had to wait for the perfect moment.

My happy weekend was over very fast and he left soon, but much to my surprise, after seeing him, the time passed flying. I traveled to my house for my birthday and Jacob came to Marion instead of Chicago. Aunt Alice organized a little reunion and it was awesome, but the best things were: my parents present: an Alfa Romeo 147! And it was silver, it was amazing and it was going to be helpful in the campus; and the other present was really the best: Jacob's, he gave me two plane tickets to Kansas for me and him; actually it was an inside joke… when I was little after seeing for hundredth time The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz, I stalked him because I wanted so badly to go to Kansas and then to the Land of Munchkins and Emerald City but my parents told me I couldn't; and he promised me one day that I could travel to Kansas.

We went to that trip in October and in the blink of an eye it was December and Jacob's birthday; I traveled to La Push, good thing my semester ended one week before Jacob's party. He didn't want one but everyone insisted and actually it wasn't really a party, just a bonfire with purpose. Everyone was there and actually, we had a great time. When the party started to die down I took Jacob with me and we walked to his house where my present for him was. Long time ago he had a motorcycle, it was a gift from my mom but the bike died a couple of years later and he never fix it because it was pretty useless for him; I was little so I couldn't ride it with him and my dad and Jacob wouldn't have let me neither, so it was illogical for him to spend money to get the bike fix if he always had to use his car because of me. But deep inside, I knew he really liked his bike and deep inside too I knew he'd look so damn sexy on it; and what I did was call the greatest mechanic on earth just to get fixes Jacob's old bike: Rosalie Hale. She changed the whole engine and painted it black; she did a good job. When Jacob saw it, his mouth went to the floor and back; he liked it a lot and was touched. When he rode it my suspicious were confirmed… he looked totally sexy on it!

I was staying in La Push for one entire month; my parents left me do it with one condition: my last two weeks had to be with my family. My time in La Push was, one more time, wonderful; I realized that was my home and if one day Jacob proposes then I'll like to live here once we married. The only issue in my four weeks was Sam, he still was on his idea of me letting Jacob free and all that, he never talked to me in my whole visit but the last four days the expression on his face told he wanted to tell me something and, being the smart girl I am, I figured it was the same old thing. Good thing Jacob never left my side and Sam would never have the guts to tell it in front of him.

The day I got back to college to start my new semester I found Esdras in my room; that made me feel uncomfortable because Emilia wasn't there. I learned from Emilia that her brother confessed to her to be in love with me since the first time he saw me; I didn't pay too much attention to it, it was impossible to fall in love that way; how can you fall in love with someone the very first time you see her? I laughed a little about that because technically Jacob did it with me but still, behind Jacob's and I story was the magic of mythical creatures and ancient legends. Esdras barely saw me in the entire semester, twice or thrice was too much if I could say.

Anyway, it was better no to be so close to him; he gave the impression of being the kind of guys that always get what they want even if they hurt someone. It was actually hard to try to stay away from him because it made me feel guilty; he was always polite and sophisticated to me but still I wanted to get out as quickly as possible from the room but he stopped me asking me how my vacations were; I made sure to let him know that I spent my vacations with Jacob and his family and then I walked out of the room.

The next months, Esdras visited more often and I knew it was because of me. It was impossible to be rude with him when he was so charming and all smiles with me. Jacob still didn't know about the reason why Esdras was hanging out too much around the college and I didn't want him to know because it could cause unnecessary troubles.

By May when my second semester ended Emilia begun with the specialty subjects and she have to move out from our room because the building of her classes was too far from here. I really liked Emilia but I couldn't deny I was relieved; her brother wouldn't have to appear here again.

I was ecstatic because Jacob's and I first anniversary was, by then, one week far. I couldn't believe it… one year! It seemed yesterday when I ran off his apartment thinking he loved someone else and them find out that girl was me. I was really looking forward that day, our first anniversary. If I had known what would happen that day I haven't believed it.

* * *

**A****nd that was chapter 12! I decided to put Jacob's birthday on December because according to New Moon… October, November, December and January passed after Edward's departure and Jacob told Bella that she missed his birthday, so I guessed was between those four months and I liked December hahaha. **

**Please remember to let me know which one was your favorite quote from this story by far!!**

**FAVORITE QUOTE, PLEASE!**

**CLICK THE BUTTON LIKE QueenApo ALWAYS DOES!**


	14. In and between each beat

**A/N: First of all… thank you to my reviewers and for adding my story to favorites. I want to apologize for taking so****oo long but this chapter was hard to write plus tests again. The good news is that I can write more often since now!! I'm done with my fifth semester and the new one it's gonna start until February. So…. I can go faster with the stories!**

**I got today a new idea for a fanfiction but it's hard for me to write two at the same time, let alone three… I probably gonna write it slowly and post it when ****I finish "Liz" that is way shorter than "As Beautifully…". I mean the last one has at least thirty chapters more.**

**I saw New Moon twice (just twice because much to my despite New Moon came in the middle of my chaos) and I liked it a lot… more than Twilight… but it's not a secret that the reason was Jacob****. Taylor Lautner was hawt!! And I don't care he's 17… Taylor Swift is the same age as me… ha. I have to add that the wolves were awesome!!! I love the scene where Sam comes from the bushes… all black and snorting!!! SCARY!! Anyway… that and Jacob's shirtless scenes were the best. I loved Jasper too!!!**

**So… this chapter is special and I think I did it great.**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all you know… I'm just playing with it a little.**

_**Jane Strauss**_

* * *

_And I'm proud to say you're mine_

_**Chapter XIII: In and between each beat.**_

Jacob's and I first anniversary was the best night of my life by far. I was in La Push for my two month's vacation again.

* * *

We were at his apartment after a long evening in the beach near to the cliffs. It was typical that every couple in their anniversary go out for dinner and give each other a present. We didn't go to dinner since; again, I'm not such a great fan of human food and because Jacob told me that he wished that I could fix his dinner, like my gift to him. I did it; I prepared his dinner and made to him his favorite plate: lasagna.

We didn't have a lot of time in our day, Jacob worked until five o'clock and changed his shift for patrol with Seth, and if he hadn't then we would never have had time for celebrate.

I was happy, he really liked my lasagna and I knew one day I could be a good wife. We went to his terrace. I loved his terrace; it was really high and in the perfect place just to watch the beach's waves. I liked the breeze in my face and the salty smell from the beach. Being there I heard a slight music coming from behind me and almost at the same time I felt Jacob's hand take mine and I turned around to watch him. He looked amazingly gorgeous… his manly features… his scent… his body… everything about him was perfect. He smiled at me.

"Dance with me," he asked me. My eyes widened and I recognized the song playing. It was one of my favorites "I'm Kissing you" by Des'ree. I loved the song but my dancing skills were deficient since ever.

"I don't know how to dance," I said embarrassed.

"And do you think I do?" I stared at him and he shook his head. "I don't know how but I still want to try." He winked at me and I thought nothing could get worse and I accepted.

It went pretty well for a couple of inexperienced dancers; at least I didn't stumble. My head was resting in his shoulder and his face was in my hair.

"I have something for you," he told me and I lifted my face arching an eyebrow. He stopped dancing and leaded me to his nightstand and took a little velvet black box from it. He let go my hand to open the box with both. Inside was a ring, a ring with a small white stone embedded on it.

"It's a promise ring," he told me. The ring was beautiful. "It's made of steel, the strongest material just after diamonds." He took my hand to place it in my ring finger and then kissed my hand. I stared at him speechless. "I give it to you as a promise that one day you'll have a real one, as a promise that one day I'll make you my fiancée and then my wife and as a promise that one day I'll be the man of your dreams." He smiled at me again and my heart was swimming in all the love I felt for him. One tear ran down my cheek because of his promises, he pulled me to him. I kissed him in ecstasy.

"Thank you," I said after a long kiss. "Thank you for the best year of my life and thank you for the promises you made me," I wanted to cry hard again and he noticed it and took my face between his hands.

"No more crying tonight," he took my last tear with his lips and then kissed me. My love for this man couldn't get any bigger. I dug my fingers in his hair and he lifted me from the floor by the waist. I kissed him deeper and he responded as well. After a couple of minutes the kiss turned more passionate, we separated just to take a breath; I kissed his cheek, then his jaw line and for last… his neck. I never felt like this before Jacob, I never wanted someone that way. I wanted Jacob; I wanted to kiss every part of him, I wanted him to touch me and I wanted him to take me, to take all of me.

He set me on my feet but I didn't let him to cut our contact, I continued kissing him and bit his button lip, he groaned in what I'd say was pleasure. He left my lips and went to my ear, kissing there and sucking my earlobe.

"We shouldn't be doing this," he said with heavy breathing.

"Why not?" I was going to die; the only sensation in my ear was killing me already.

"Because…" he trailed off and then begun to kiss my neck. "We shouldn't" I took advantage of his lack of real reason for us to stop. I placed my hands in his back and kissed his lips again, he took my face in his hands and kissed me roughly. He was failing and I knew it, so I just let my hands travel under his shirt and I felt him shake; but he never left my lips. In a sudden rush of bravery I began to unbutton his shirt. His hands came to stop me but I already had most of the shirt off, when I finally unbuttoned all, I slid it from his body and tossed it somewhere in the room. My hands traveled from his stomach to his amazing chest. I left my lips just to go down until his jaw line, his neck and then his left shoulder. I saw in his face that he was enjoying it and I continued until I kissed his chest. Besides the love, respect and idolatry I felt for him… I had to add… lust.

He placed his hands in my waist and I went back to his lips and kissed him fiercely. I was feeling a little disappointed when his hands stayed in my hips. I just revealed that I wanted to make love with him. _Sure he thinks I don't even know what this is._ I was feeling a little hurt when he stopped kissing me and stared at me, panting. I knew he was looking for some kind of fear in my eyes. But he wasn't going to find it because I didn't have it, not because I was an expert but because I was sure about him, about us, about this.

"Ness," he was still panting just like me. "You need to be pretty sure about this," he took a deep breath. "I'm not gonna be able to stop if we continue," he seemed ashamed of his confession but I was _excited_ with the first meaning of the word. He wasn't rejecting me.

"Of course you're not gonna stop," I said threatening him in a funny way. He smiled at me and then kissed me passionately. I felt all of him in that kiss and I knew that was it… I was going to do what I had wanted since long time ago. He left my mouth and went to my jaw and my neck and at the same time I felt his hands run under my shirt. It was pure glory, his warm touch electrified every inch of my skin. Soon my shirt was on the floor with his; then his hands left my upper body and traveled down my butt, both of his hands cupped it and lifted me to his height; I wrapped my legs around him, he walked to the bed and placed me gently on it.

We kissed for a while before he stopped all of sudden; I stared at him.

"Ness, I… I don't have anything with me," he told me and I understood what he said. I blushed immediately because I had the solution to that problem but say it out loud wasn't something I wanted to do. "I'm not gonna expose you that way," he said serious. I had to tell him.

"Jacob, I'm…" I trailed off; this was going to be embarrassing. "I'm… on the pill," I blurted out. He stared at me like if he couldn't believe it but with a mischievous stare.

"You are?" he asked still in disbelief but with amusement in his voice. I totally blushed and nodded. "Since when?" This wasn't a conversation that I was having with him now.

"Does it matter right now?" I asked still with my eyes on his chest. He laughed slightly and lifted my head with his own just to kiss my neck and then my shoulder.

"Not at all," he whispered.

And that was the last bit of conversation we had for a long time. We did it. We made love for the first time that night… the best night of my existence by far. I never knew about that sensation, about the ecstasies, about the mind-blowing feeling. It was perfect… every moment… all of him.

* * *

I woke up early that morning; my Jacob was still asleep in front of me, his beautiful features always were a good view in the morning. I caressed his face and I remembered the ring he gave last night… his promise ring. I looked at it for a while and took it off my finger. Just when I was staring at it I saw a little delicate carved inside the ring. _In and between each beat. _

I couldn't be happier, not when I was with him like that. I wished that I hadn't to come back to school at the end of the summer; I wished I could stay with him forever… like this. I leaned forward and kissed slightly his cheek and shoulder and stood up. I shouldn't have done that… so quickly. It hurt, not too much, but still a lot uncomfortable; I guessed that nothing would make the sensation away, just time, so I went to the bathroom. I looked at the mirror and saw my really messy hair and my lips were swollen and red. Besides the hair, the lips and the pain, I was perfectly fine… more than fine. I brushed my hair and then remembered that there were people that should be worried about us. I made my way to the living room where my purse was and grabbed my cell phone. _Four missed calls. _Oh God. Two from Leah and two from Grandpa Charlie. My stomach went to the floor when I remembered that I supposed to be home lastnight at twelve. I dialed Leah's number, she answered after one ring.

_Nessie?_

"Hey Leah," I said awkwardly.

_Charlie called me like four__ times last night. Did he call you?_

"Yes he did but I didn't answer it. I didn't hear my cell phone,"

_Um… I told him you were staying with me and he wanted to talk with you but I invented different reasons about why you couldn't talk to him. But I truly believe he stopped believing me after the __second excuse. His last call was at midnight._

"What else he told you?"

_He said he wants you to call him or he'll be picking you up in an hour._Oh boy! I remained silent on the phone. _So… how was it? _Leah asked me after a while.

"I have to call Charlie," I blurted out. "Thank you, see you later." I hung up and dialed grandpa's phone. He answered it.

_Renesmee?_

"Hi, grandpa. Leah told me you called last night."

_I did. Where have you been?_

"I told you yesterday that was Jacob's and I anniversary," I reminded him.

_But I called you at twelve and you still weren't with Leah._

"I came back at one o'clock. Sorry I didn't call you." I lied. Pretty well actually. He didn't like my answer but what can he do then?

_Fine. At what time should I pick you up? _No no no, nobody was going to ruin this day for me.

"Actually, gradpa… Jacob's gonna work tomorrow the whole day and I'll like to spend some more time with him. Can I? Please?" Though I was asking for permission I always talked Charlie directly and he respected my ability to just face things straight up. I heard him sigh. "Don't worry grandpa… I'll be home by seven" I promised him.

_Okay, then. But you owe me a big one._ I smiled.

"Of course, grandpa. Thank you. See you at night." I hung up and just there I heard Jacob stirring. I walked back to the room and saw him revolving around the bed without opening his eyes. I lay next to him in my part of his bed and he didn't move. I thought he fell asleep again when suddenly he wrapped his arm around my waist and brought me closer to him still with his eyes closed.

"Good morning" I said while kissing his nose and cheek. He opened his eyes then and kissed me in the lips for a while. After a couple of minutes he pulled away.

"Good morning," he whispered. "How are you?" he asked me.

"Never better," I smiled and he smiled back, as wide as me.

"Should I take that as a hint that I wasn't that bad?" I blushed a little. _How do I tell him he was so damn good?_

"You were… incredible," I blushed even more and he hugged me tighter.

"We should try it again one of these nights." He joked.

"You're gonna try it sooner than you think," his eyes widened and then laughed. I buried my face in his chest.

"And… how was I?" I asked him and his face became serious but happy.

"You need to ask?" he said and I smiled shyly, he moved to my ear. "You were amazing and wonderful and magnificent. And sure as hell you're not gonna get any peace from me." I would have been lying if I had said those words didn't excited me. I bit my bottom lip. "Can you explain me about… the pill?" he asked and I was embarrassed at the instant. He left me recover.

"Well… you said a while ago that you wouldn't make me wait. And I thought it was responsible to think about it. I wasn't that wrong after all," I gave him an innocent look. "I saved the night," I said proud and he burst into laughs.

"Yeah you did," he kissed my cheek and neck. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You must be hungry," I said between kisses.

"Now that you mention it…" he trailed off. I kissed him fully one last time and tried to stand up. It hurt again but I hided it well.

He came with me to the kitchen and watched me cook, I finished the pancakes and he ate them. I was proud of myself; I never cooked before last night, not for someone else anyway. I liked the whole scene; it made me feel complete… finally I saw myself like Jacob's woman. I gave all myself to him last night and now I was taking care of him like… like a wife. Like what I wanted to be the most. I was watching him eat and his hands caught my attention. I always loved his hands.

"I feel a little uncomfortable," he said and snapped me out of my thoughts. I lifted my eyes and he was staring at me with funny eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I went to sit next him. "It's just I love your hands," I said taking his left hand between mine. "They are almost in the first place of "what I like the most from your body,"" His eyes widened.

"Almost?" he said suggestively.

"Your eyes and lips are the first ones," I knew my eyes were shinning.

"Oh, so you have a list and all that?" he asked and I nodded. "I'm listening," I laughed, he was now interested but who wouldn't? It's about every man's ego.

"Well…" I stood up and went behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Like I said, your eyes and lips are in the first place, it's a tie; then in the second place are your hands." I whispered in his ear and I saw that he was smiling. "The third place is for your back," I felt weird with this one but I was being honest. "I love to see your back when you're shirtless, I love to see the muscles there… it send shivers down my spine and I don't even know why," he chuckled and grabbed with his hands my arms around his neck and rested his head in my chest. "The fourth place is for your chest," I kissed his neck. "And I'll leave the fifth place to your imagination," he turned his head a little and stared at me in disbelief but then began to chuckle.

"I didn't know you made a list," he said.

"I didn't… I just thought about my favorite parts of your body and placed them in order, just right now." I made him think.

"I can do that too," he pulled me to his lap and made his 'I'm thinking' face. "Got it," he said after a while.

"Your eyes are first," he kissed my nose. "And your lips are second, there's no tie, sorry, but your eyes are first," he pretended apologize and I laughed. "The third place is…" he was thinking again. "Your waist," he kissed my neck then. "The forth place... Okay, don't get me wrong but I'm a man," I looked at him apprehensively. "I love…" he trailed off and gave me a mischievous smile. "Your butt." He blushed a bit. I smiled, it didn't offend me at all; I liked his butt too, just it wasn't in my top five.

"And the fifth?" I asked and he smiled even wider. "You're gonna have to guess that one," he said with a suggestive tone.

"Okay," I said thinking. "My nose?" he laughed and shook his head. "My legs?" I arched an eyebrow.

"No, that's the sixth place." He was having fun with my guesses.

"My feet?" he continued shaking his head. "Hands?"

"Nope," he smiled. "Give up."

"Fine. I give up," I thought for a moment he was gonna say something dirty, but then he whispered.

"Your hair" I turned around to see his eyes. "I love your hair in all it ways, states y fragrances." I blushed. That was so romantic and corny, that made my heart melt. I placed my arms around his neck and we kissed for a long while until I put my hands in his shoulders and I felt something in the beginning of his back. I pulled away and moved a little to see it. I was shocked… it was a scratch. I touched it delicately. I felt so guilty because sure he didn't have it last night; the scratch was barely watchable but thinking that Jacob healed fast then that meant that the scratch was bigger and deeper a while ago.

"I'm sorry," I whispered sobbing a little. He pulled me to his chest.

"For what, Ness?" It was a rhetorical question but I touched his shoulder. "Because you scratched me?" He arched an eyebrow and I nodded "I don't want to sound dirty but… well… it tells me that you enjoyed it," he smiled mischievously for a moment and then went serious. "I know I hurt you more than a scratch," I lifted my face and arched an eyebrow. "I saw you walking out of the room," he told me and I buried my head in his chest. "I'm sorry," I lifted my face at his words and stared at his eyes.

"I love you," I told him and his smile made my heart stutter.

"I love you more," He said and kissed me again. After a while I felt him startle.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just remembered that you have family," I laughed and he made an annoying face.

"I called Charlie a while ago."

"You did? What did he say?"

"He was kind of mad because he called Leah last night four times and then two times to my phone and in none of those calls heard about me," Jacob's eyes widened. Smelling troubles? "But I called him back and apologized to him and then asked for some more time with you… he reluctantly accepted." Jacob's smile lifted even more.

"Then I have you for a few hours more," he was pretty suggestive. I nodded and he began tickling me. It was an awesome evening that day. We watched Evan Almighty and August Rush… well we watched the first one and I watched August Rush since Jacob fell asleep by the second movie. I let him sleep because tomorrow was going to be a busy day for him. He woke up near five o'clock and I had to be home about seven o'clock, which only gave us time to…… and twice.

My summer flied too fast. I spent my last two weeks with my family. My dad knew about what Jacob and I did just the right second I entered the house but never said anything… I guess he knew how much responsible Jacob and I were. Aunt Alice, Aunt Rosalie and I went to a tortuous trip to New York just for shopping. Being there Alice told me something that lifted me up from my depressing mode because Jacob's absence.

"Did you know that Claire was transferred to Chicago?"

"I thought Claire was studying in Washington?"

"She was, but she's starting her last year and she has to do half year of social service in Chicago, but since you're studying there too, then she decided to stay the other half of the year."

"Oh my gosh, that's great. She didn't tell me anything."

"Well… she has been very busy with that," I was happy. A friend near was good. "Hey," Alice snapped me off my thoughts with her high pitch voice. "What if you talk with her and convince Edward to rent you an apartment altogether with Claire? You wouldn't be alone and finally you'll leave that horrible dorm." I hadn't thought about it… but it was a wonderful idea.

The same day at night Aunt Rose went hunting and Aunt Alice and I stayed in the hotel. I was texting Jacob when Alice came to sit in front of me in the bed. I smiled at her and then I saw the conflict in her face… like if she was trying to ask or tell me something.

"Jacob?" she asked and I nodded.

"Spit it out, Aunt Alice," I said after a while. She looked nervous… strange for a vampire.

"Well… I wanted to ask you something that I suspect because of Edward's face," my eyes widened. Oh God. "Did you and Jacob…?" she trailed off expecting from me to catch her words. Of course I did it but I wasn't going to admit it.

"Me and Jacob what?" I asked a little nervous. She sighed.

"Are you and Jacob having sex?" I felt like a punch in my stomach. I realized that I was hoping she wasn't talking about what I thought she was talking.

"And you asking me that because…?" I was the one that trailed off.

"Sweetie, it's not that I want to intrude in your things. I just want to know if you're being safe," Great. Now my sex life was an open secret. Aunt Alice was all noisy and crazy but I knew she could keep a secret and that she could be serious with serious things. I sighed.

"Yes… we're being safe," I saw her breath a little in relax but I knew she wasn't satisfy with my answer. I sighed again. "Are you done with the questions?" she lifted her head and saw me smiling, that gave her courage to ask more.

"How are you being safe?"

"I'm on the pill," I blushed. God!

"Are you sure that's enough?" Alice asked really worried and I got worried too. I loved Jacob more than my own life and nothing would make me happier than have his child but I knew it was too soon and I knew he didn't want it right now either.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Well… Jacob isn't an average man…Jeez! he's not even an average wolf," she laughed a little. "He's strong and the purpose of his nature is to resist… everything," I never thought about it, actually it made sense. She saw my face and rubbed my leg. "He can… use something too," I stared at her and then I understood and nodded. She lifted and kissed my forehead. I took one of her wrists.

"Does… Does my mom know?" I asked nervous.

"No… you mom has a life… what your dad doesn't. And I'm just too intuitive." I smiled. "I'm gonna call Jasper," she told me and left the room.

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The day we came back from New York I talked with Claire and she accepted since she wasn't a dorm's groupie either. Dad and mom searched the rest of the week for a good apartment near to the campus and being Mommy and Daddy… they didn't rent us an apartment… they bought us a penthouse. I didn't object because I loved the idea, but Claire thought was too much and she couldn't afford it but I convinced her after too much effort. I went to the college early in the week because I needed to pack.

I was really anxious with the move, or I think it was because I already had three weeks without seeing Jacob. Since we became… pretty active, three weeks were hell. I think I was already kind of addict to… being together, but who can blame me? I had another alone week in front of me but the good thing was that by the end of the week Claire was going to move here and Jacob was coming with her and Quil.

I was taking all my suitcases and boxes to my car, one by one. When I had the last out I closed the door and when I was about to leave I almost crash into someone's chest. I lifted my eyes a little annoyed, the last box were my precious things… I could have dropped it. I saw the massive frame of Esdras in front of me.

"Hello, Renesmee," he told me and in the moment I saw his green eyes I swore that I had never been that scared of a human before.

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**As you can see, my story is rated K to T****, which is why I can't put a lemon here and because I don't feel comfortable writing lemons, though I like to read them… the classy ones, well written… but I'm don't think I could write a good one. Maybe later. The point of the conversation between Alice and Nessie was to denote that isn't just woman's responsibility… the man has to be safe and responsible too. She's not gonna get pregnant… don't worry.**

**I wanna clarify that I believe in the free will; and sex it's always something you have to decide on your own with responsibility and prudence. I'm not promoting sex… come on you can decide that for yourself. **

**PRESS THE BUTTON PLEASE! JUST A QUICK REVIEW**


	15. Swallowed by despair

**A/N: Like I promised it! Today is my birthday and I posted chapter in my way to celebrate it! Thank you very much for all the good reviews for "Liz" and for this one! **

**Drama begins!**

**I'll start my new semester the next Monday but I'm gonna post another chapter before it. It's horrible outside anyways sooo… more time to write. **

**Hugs and kissed to everyone…**

**Disclaimer: I owe anything.**

**Jane Strauss**

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**Chapter XIV: ****Swallowed By Despair**

I got chills up and down my spine when I heard Esdras voice. I couldn't come with a good reason for him to be in the alley that right moment.

"Esdras… Hi," I looked at him for short seconds and continued locking the dorm. He remained silent but staring at me. The chills continued. "What are you doing here?" I asked a little annoyed.

"Long time without seeing you," was all he said. I hugged the box a little.

"Well… yeah, since Emilia's moving."

"Are you leaving the room?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm moving with a friend out of here," I didn't want to give him too much information but I didn't want to be rude either.

"What a shame!" he said sad. It was even more awkward. "It's gonna be difficult to see you again."

"I'll call Emilia one of these days and maybe I'll see you then," I was about to leave.

"Are you still with the dog?" My blood froze and my heart stopped. What did he say? Did I hear him right? I recovered after short seconds and turned around.

"What?" I asked.

"I think you understood," his face wasn't holding the polite mask anymore.

"No, I don't," I was shaking inside but I was controlling myself on the outside.

"Are you or not with the dog?" he asked again raising his voice.

"What dog? What the hell are you talking about?" I lowered my voice.

"I'm talking about Jacob," Oh my….! What did he know about Jacob?? For all I knew he only saw him once the first weekend he came. My eyes widened.

"And why are you referring to him like a dog?" This could be a coincidence. It had to be.

"Isn't what he is?... Or a wolf?... I don't see the difference," He knew! But how?!! My head was spinning and I wanted to throw up… I scanned him… his appearance was normal and for sure he was only a human… I could smell him! Just a human. I was still frozen. "Are you okay, Renesmee?" he asked all hypocritically, he was asking me because he knew everything was downed on me.

"Who are you?" I asked totally scared.

"Esdras… Esdras Prinzmetal," he answered me automatically.

"What do you know about Jacob?"

"I know about him almost as much as I know about you," That was even worse!

"And what's that?" I was surprised of how I was controlling my attitude.

"Just the basics… Half vampire and wolf," We couldn't continue that conversation in the alley but I thought it was too dangerous to be with him in the dorm. I had to decide and opened the dorm again. He entered without hesitation and I entered believing that was probably the worst decision of my life but better only risking me than risking my family or Jacob. The moment I closed the door I realized he already knew pretty much… so the mask was out.

"As long as I see and smell… you're nothing more than a human. How can you know those things?" I asked coldly… that was the way.

"That's not important."

"How much do you know about me? Or Jacob?"

"You're half vampire… biological daughter of Edward Cullen and the youngest of the Cullens at the same time. The dog is the leader of the biggest pack of werewolves and probably the most powerful wolf around here. Though I haven't check in Europe," he laughed a little. He still was human! And he wasn't afraid of me!

"And how you're not afraid?" I was so damn curious.

"You're just a teddy bear next to the people whom I work with," he joked.

"Who are they?"

"Sure you know them… they gave your family the a little surprise long time ago… you were just three or four months old," My heart stopped again...... The Volturi!

"The Volturi? You work for them?" he nodded proudly. "And how you're still alive?"

"They need me… at least for now."

"What do you mean 'they need you'?"

"I'm a human, you said it… they need a human that can keep an eye on you and that dog," I gasped.

"You have been following us? What about Emilia?," I had so many questions.

"I'm the one following you; she doesn't know I just used her. Actually I convinced her to come here and I arranged everything for her to be your roommate but she ruined everything when she moved from here without asking me. I lost your track for a while. I have been coming everyday expecting to find you and today was my lucky day."

"And why are you following me? Why the Volturi need to keep an eye on me?," I was expecting a great semester. Yeah, tell me about it!

"They believe you're harmless, just you; pretty obvious they don't trust the wolves. Let alone Jacob Black. They explained me about the magic thing going on between you and him… they're worried about what you and Jacob can create… if you know what that means," he said with an eyebrow arched. I didn't understand what he said.

"Create?" I was the one that raised the eyebrow now. He sighed.

"According to them… Jacob and you are meant to be or something like that and there's implied that you're supposed to be the mother of the future leader of the wolves. But sure never before was a couple made of a half vampire and a shape shifter. It was enough with your parents continuing with a new specie and now you and that dog are about to create another one." Um… what!? Really? I couldn't say anything. "Aro was confident that you weren't going to get that far with him but since I suspect you two are having sex… then I think is time to act,"

"How do you know we…" I trailed off because I answered myself.

"And since then my job changed… I'm here to tell you to get away from him," he said and I was completely in shock because of him working with the Volturi but when he told me that I smiled.

"Yeah?" I asked playfully.

"Smile all you want but you know they can finish him and the rest of those filthy dogs," I trailed off my laugh. "The only way the Volturi can let your dogs alive will be you to stay away from them." He smiled then and I was about to lose all the composure I gained through my early years and most of all… I was about to jump on him and rip his throat.

"Do you think is reasonable for you to come here and threat a vampire to kill her mate?" I practically snarled.

"Probably not… but I'm sure you know I'm not playing with you. Don't you think I don't know you can kill me right now if you want but that's not gonna stop them. They want you either separate or the dog dead," I know I should have been afraid but I just wanted to kill him. I went to open the door.

"You're gonna stay away from the wolves and especially from Jacob. Don't mess with me Esdras," was all I said before leaving the room fuming. I couldn't believe it… The Volturi were spying on me and they knew about me and Jacob. I was so pissed off that I drove the first few miles and then I had to pull over to calm myself. I was ashamed to tell Jacob about it because was my entire fault. The Volturi wouldn't have their horrible eyes on them if it wasn't for me. I wanted to call him immediately but I decided against it since I was going to see him on Friday and because I didn't want him to begin to worry for me.

I was shaking when I got to the penthouse, good thing I was alone. I texted Jacob without mentioning anything. I got distracted a while unpacking and when I was done, the anxiety took over me.

I couldn't even remember how I made it through the week without going insane. I couldn't be more worried but thank God texting and talking with Jacob kept me sane. It was Friday finally and I was waiting for them when I heard a car down near the entrance. I peeked by the window and saw Claire with all her luggage and Quil helping her, I waited for Jacob but he never came out of the car and I was all bewildered. After three minutes I heard a knock and went to open it in a rush. I see Claire happy face and Quil serious one, she hugged me and so did Quil. I was happy for my friend, don't misunderstand me but Jacob was the first thing in my mind.

"Where's Jacob?" I asked. Quil face went even more serious. Claire shrugged and I knew she really didn't know anything. Quil was staring at me and I began to panic. "Where's he?" I asked a second time.

"I don't know Nessie. We waited for him an hour and he never came, I called him seven times and he never answered his phone." I froze there and I was about to panic when I saw Quil face again and he seemed he wanted to tell me something else.

"What aren't you telling me Quil?," I asked.

"David told me he didn't appear at his work today," I was officially panicked.

"When was the last time you saw him?" I asked through my teeth.

"Yesterday night; I finished my shift and next was his. I talked with him just a few minutes and then I left. He was normal and never said anything." I could see Quil felt guilty. I left the door and went to my room to try to call him. The phone rang two times and then I heard someone answered but didn't say anything.

"Jacob? Are you there? Honey where are you?" I asked sweetly. I heard then a painful moan I knew came from my Jacob. "Jacob, are you there? Are you okay?" And then the phone went off. I was shaking and Quil came to my room.

"He answered?" he asked and I nodded.

"I heard him but he wasn't the one holding the phone," I said and Quil's eyes widened.

"I have to go, the pack might need me," He was about to leave when I grabbed his shoulder.

"I'm going," I said and Quil was about to protest but then after watch my face for a moment he knew he couldn't fight me. Claire stayed in the apartment and I bought two plane tickets to Washington.

The despair was the worst feeling ever. I felt like if I was going to die if he didn't appear; all I could think through the damn flight was if Esdras had to do with this. If he did something to Jacob I would ensure myself that he would pay for it. I know he was alive… I could feel it, he was my entire existence, of course I could feel him but I didn't know if he was okay.

It took me half day to get to La Push and when I got there half of the pack was reunited and the other half was looking for Jacob. He was in his human form since none could hear him. I was desperate and for me no one was making something. I left them arguing near the forest and start running into the thick trees. I could feel him and I knew he really needed me but I couldn't feel where he was. I began crying but didn't stop running. After an hour I was only God knew where and without Jacob. I dropped to my knees in the middle of nowhere and then my phone rang; I thought it was Seth or Quil calling me but then I saw in the screen that was Jacob. I answered immediately.

"Jacob? Where are you?," I asked between tears.

"Didn't I tell you not to mess with us?" I froze and of course I recognized that voice.

"Esdras? Esdras, where's Jacob?" I asked frantically. "What you did to him? I swear that if you hurt him…"

"Sh sh sh sh," he shushed me. "I think you're not in the position to threaten me, my beautiful," I began sobbing.

"Don't hurt him, please," I begged.

"We'll talk about it. I'm near the edge of the ravine by the south, come alone. If any of those dogs is with you… I swear I'm gonna kill him," My eyes widened and my tears stopped.

"Fine," I said and he hung up the phone. I made it there in five minutes and then I saw my Jacob lying on the ground unconscious. I immediately ran to his side and saw he had a lot of scratches and bangs. I touched his face. _What happened to you, Jake? _And then I remembered I wasn't supposed to be alone with him. I turned around and saw Esdras leaned on a tree and smiling evilly at me. How he could do this to Jacob? He was just a human. He shook his head slightly.

"How could you love him that much?" he was mocking and I didn't answer him and turned to face my Jacob. I didn't care that he could knock me down… I just wanted to see him try. "I thought you needed a proof that I wasn't kidding before… they want you both apart and far away from each other, Renesmee," he leaned forward behind me. "In how many words I need to put it?" I closed my eyes. This couldn't be happening… It couldn't.

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**Okay that was chapter fourteen!. ****There are plenty of questions on the air like how he could knock down someone like Jacob? Or why Jacob didn't defend himself? I promise to answer them the next chapter.**

**I had never asked for a determinate number of reviews but I need love too please!!! I'm gonna ask for seven reviews… 7 and I'll post the new chapter.**

**Please just 7!**


	16. Love gives someone

**A/N: I wanna ****thank you to everyone because I got more than the 7 reviews I asked for… I posted today because someone asked me to do it: **_**Lissygirl**_**.**

**Happy Bday**** Lissygirl! Best wishes!**

**This chapter is pretty sad if you can see what's coming! : ( … but don't worry that this is not over.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own**** Twlght/Nw Mn/Clps/Brkng Dwn**

**Jane Strauss**

………………………………………_._

_**Chapter 15: Love gives someone…**_

_Jacob, wake up love… please. _I shook Jacob by the chest.

"Do you think we're playing now?" I began breathing deeply… it took all my strength to not kill him then.

"What did you do to him? How did you made him all this wounds?," I shouted.

"I didn't… I can't. You got here late, it's a shame you didn't met Spyros. What a talented vampire… The Volturi's new acquisition." My eyes widened.

"What did he do to Jacob?" I shouted again.

"They fight I guess… it wasn't easy but his talent helped a lot; but I'm not sure I couldn't watch it, it was painful to see"

"His talent? What's his talent?"

"We can talk about the sin but we can't talk about the sinner," He smiled. "You'll find out anyway later." I cried and rested by head in Jacob's chest. I could hear his weak heartbeat.

_Don't give up, Jake. Don't you dare._

"I understood the message," I was crying really hard while caressing Jacob's face. "Tell them I'll obey," I whispered but I knew he heard me and I heard him leave. I turned around and saw it was true. My entire focus went to my Jacob; I really saw his body then… he was really harmed and the scars didn't seem to be healing. I didn't know what to do; I couldn't let Jacob alone in order to call this brothers. An hour later, most of his scratches and bangs were the same and he remained passed out. Five minutes later Seth found us.

"Nessie," he said and kneeled next to me to see Jacob and then he went to phase and howled. His brothers came in one minute and one of them went in front of Jacob and sniffed him. The wolf then stared behind me and I felt a pair of strong arms wrapped around me… holding me back. My eyes widened as realization ran through me. I, immediately, tried to get out of the iron embrace and yelled Jacob's name out loud. _No, no, no, no, no! Jacob. _I fought with all my might but couldn't break Seth's arms around me.

"Seth, let me go, please," I cried out.

"Calm down, Nessie," he ordered. "You need to calm down."

"Let me go with him, please." Seth held me standing because my knees were too weak. He brought me closer to him and talked to my ear.

"Sh sh, Nessie," he shushed me. "Listen," I froze. "Can you hear that?" I stopped crying and paid attention. I could hear a very weak heart. "He's alive, but we need you to calm down and let us work," I stopped fighting and dropped my hands to my side. Seth turned me around by the shoulders. "He's gonna be fine but we need to get him out of here," he said looking straight in my eyes and I nodded.

They carried him to Seth's house. I remained by his side; one day passed and his body was all healed but he was unconscious. Everyone was looking at us with pity eyes… Seth told me he was going to be okay but I didn't believe him even a little though I wanted to do it with all my heart. Soon Jacob seemed to be just asleep but his heart was still weak. _What that damn vampire did to him?_ There was no one else to blame but me. I had my head in his shoulder when I felt him move. I jerked and watch him stretch painfully.

"Jake?" I asked and he opened his beautiful dark eyes. He smiled immediately and me with him. I hugged him being carefully with what could be damaged on the inside.

"Ness, I'm sorry…," he apologized and I went serious.

"You scared me a lot," I said and kissed his cheeks.

"What happened?" he asked and my eyes widened. How could he not remember it?

"You don't remember?" he sighed and looked away.

"I didn't see it. He or she attacked me from behind and I couldn't phase but I do remember have begun feeling numb and my vision blurred and… that's all." He said truthfully.

"It was a vampire but I didn't see it either. You had a lot of scratches and bangs but they're gone now."

"You found me?" I nodded. "How?" I couldn't tell him that it was an ambush to punish me.

"We all were looking for you but I never rested," he smiled and caressed my face. He sat up with some pain in his moves. Kim was keeping an eye on him since she was a nurse. The pack was running patrol but Quil and Sam stayed, Quil was more interested on what happened and talking with Jacob but Sam stared at me the whole time… he knew it wasn't a random attack but he just didn't have proofs.

Jacob was really confused and his ego was even more damaged than his body; he didn't say anything to me but he was pissed that he being the almighty alpha was easily knocked down by a vampire, but he was more interested in which whatever was the reason for what the vampire didn't kill him. I stayed by his side the whole time but I couldn't stare him at the eyes too long; I wanted to tell him what Esdras told me and that he would tell me it didn't matter that we will fight it… but it wasn't that easy. I just simply couldn't let anything happen to Jacob… I rather be away from him, as much as that would destroy me, than letting him have another scratch because of me.

I tried to find the coward… I called Emilia the next Monday I came back from La Push and casually asked her about Esdras, she told me she hadn't seen him in three weeks. I also paid attention to my surroundings but I never smelled him near. Jacob recovered completely in four days and by the next weekend he did came to visit me.

Though I was always happy and ecstatic by his visits, I couldn't help being sad. My days with him were… literally… numbered. I had spent the week's nights crying with his picture in front of me. How did I let this happen? How did I let someone interfere with our lives?... How did I let Esdras hurt Jacob? I know I wasn't the same and Jacob noticed it but he believed it was that I was sad and angry because someone hurt him… and he was so damn right but it was horrible to hide things from him.

Another two weeks passed and I thought for a short moment that Esdras had disappeared from our lives, but one bad day I received a message to my cell phone.

_Do you want another proof? I don'__t think Spyros could be careful this time. You have two weeks._

That son of a bitch! I was never a resentful person… I didn't hate anyone before… not even the Volturi; but I did hated Esdras… too much. But I had no other option than obey. I contemplated the idea of talking with my dad, with my family… but honestly that only would make them come into the problem… more people involved and none matter solved.

I was depressed the rest of the week. Why us? Why when I was happy the most? I would have gladly sacrificed everything… college, car, money, friends… even my family because I knew they would be physically fine without me and happy with their lovers… but not Jacob… I needed him to live.

I wanted to tell him everything… to ask him what to do. He would never leave me alone but that will mean for sure that they would kill him. I said it before… I rather be away from him.

Telling him or anyone else wasn't an option and I couldn't come with another one than… telling him to stay away. Like if that was going to work! He was never going to believe me. One thing was trying to lie and try to seem disinterested when he wasn't with me and another complete different thing was trying to pretend indifference when he made love to me. All the distance I built for a week he took it down by just kissing the right places. He knew I was being weird but he forgot about my attitude every time we were on my bed… and I couldn't even try to reject him; it was physically impossible… my body was never going to push him away. I know I was being irresponsible but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't delay it anymore but I had no idea of how to do it. I wasn't a bad liar but how was he going to believe when my body tells different things? I could always say _Don't kiss me_ but I will never apart myself from his lips.

"Hey, are you here with me?" Jacob's voice snapped me from my thoughts. We were watching TV in his house. I blushed. "What's getting your attention?" he asked.

"Nothing and everything," I said paying attention to the TV.

"It has something to do with the reason why you have been so strange lately?" I froze for a millisecond and then my eyes dropped. "Talk to me, Ness," he lifted my chin with his hand. I had to start. I finally understood the famous quote then... Love gives someone the power to destroy you.

"I think we need to talk."

_Forgive me, Jacob._

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**The next chapter is gonna be called "…the power to destroy you" as the second part of the quote and it's gonna be the twilight of Ness/Jake's relationship**** and a hell of a long chapter. I'm sorry but I promise this is gonna get better… I believe in happy endings even if it takes a whole life to get it.**

**Now that I chose a birthday pattern to update then my next update will be my mom's birthday… February 7****th****!**

**Expect Liz' new chapter later today.**

**Reviews please!**


	17. the power to destroy you

**A/N: ****I wanna thank you to all my reviewers! You guys rock! **

**Well this is a pretty sad chapter and I didn't even know how I did it without changing the plot to a Jacob and a Nessie living happily forever… JK! **

**I think**** the story split in two parts after this chapter... but I'm not gonna say another thing. Next chapter is gonna be posted February 14****th**** with a special dedicatory you will know.**

**Could you do me a favor? I picked two songs for this chapter that I would like you were listening while reading: ****Fix You by Coldplay and Pieces by Red. **** Pleasee! Just to give it the real emphasis**

**Disclaimer: Come on! You already know it…. I don't own anything.**

**Jane Strauss**

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_A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am  
I tried so hard  
Thought I could do this on my own_

Chapter 16: … The Power To Destroy You

How can someone survive at something like that? How my father did? How your heart beats again? When the pain goes away? When comes back the sense of life? At this point I'd rather be dead.

_Are you serious?_

This pain had to end with something. I couldn't even think straight.

_I thought you loved me._

I guessed I just got lost.

_But__ if is that what you want…_

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked straightening up in the couch. I took the control from his hand and I turned off the TV. He stared at me bewildered.

"Are you happy with me, Jacob?" I asked looking at my hands. He remained silent.

"What kind of question is that?" he asked back.

"Just answer," I said seriously.

"Of course I am, Nessie. Why wouldn't I be?" he asked and I lifted my eyes to watch his. I couldn't stand it and forced my head down again. He froze and I heard his heart stuttered. "Why are you asking me that?" His voice was so serious now. I couldn't talk… it was too hard… too painful. A huge knot began to form in my throat. He analyzed my silence and sighed deeply. "Are you?" he asked. _Yes, I am._

"I don't know," I closed my eyes. How can I do this? How can I be so merciless with who mattered the most to me?

"What do you mean you don't know?" his voice was calm but extremely harsh.

"I don't know… I just feel like something is missing in my life," I lied.

"Something like what?" I didn't know how to do this. Where did I learned to hurt people?

"Do you really think you love me, Jacob?" that was a very low trick from my part.

"I know I love you," he said a little loud. "What I don't understand is what you are doing. What with all this questions?"

"You're the only man I have known, Jacob. And I sometimes wonder if… we are really meant to be," _Of course we are meant to be. I'm yours._

"Are you serious?" he asked after a while and I nodded. _No._ "I don't understand," he shook his head.

"You never had a girlfriend before me… how do you know I'm the one?" I asked sarcastically.

"I don't know… maybe because I imprinted on you," he said with the same sarcasm tone. "What are you asking is ridiculous, Renesmee." _Renesmee… ouch!_

"I don't think it is. Maybe for you is simple… but I didn't imprint on you, Jacob. How do I know you're my one?" _Because I can feel it… because I can feel the adoration for you._

"There's nothing for you to know indeed," he was hurt. "But I remember, a while ago, you telling me I underestimated your love for me. I didn't know you were feeling like this."

"I know everything about imprinting… but what tells you that's the highest point?" I asked and he stood up furiously.

"You know what?… I can understand you having second thoughts, but don't try to drag me in. I'm not blind, Renesmee. I know what imprinting is too and does not make me stupid. I was not told who I was supposed to love… I chose you. I don't believe the imprinting took over my free will. I believe it made my love for you stronger. And your mistake is to believe I want something else but I'm tied here. I love you and I want to be here… but that doesn't mean I can't leave. Imprinting is only subjective… because I can walk through that door if you want me to. Is that what you want?" _No!_

"Don't get mad, Jacob." _Don't believe me in my words._

"I thought you loved me," he sighed. "I can't believe all I made you go through."

"You didn't make me go through anything," If I was being honest about something it had to be that I didn't regret even a little about all we lived.

"The hell I didn't… I made you had sex with me," he was being cold… really cold.

"I don't regret that," I whispered.

"Why this sudden change?" he asked absent minded.

"I faced to much the last two weeks, Jacob; I'm not ready for things like that… I was scared and… alone. I just want to finish college and get a job," lie lie lie.

"And then what?" he asked looking by the window.

_God help me._ "Maybe we can try… seeing other people," I closed my eyes expecting everything… rage, hate, shouting maybe; but I heard nothing.

"So that's the real problem," he whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"You're tired of me, aren't you?"

"It's not that… it's just… our relationship is full of commitment and… I'm not ready for that," _Forgive me, please! _"Imprinting says to you that I'm the love of your life… but I don't know if you are the love of my life," _I'm a __treacherous__! _He remained very still and now I heard his heart began going slow each time. This was the end of us… and I was dying inside. How you can love someone so much and still be able to hurt him? I know what I was doing and I was trusting my words will work… but deeply inside I was pleading for him to catch the clue… to hear how much pain my voice was holding.

"What happened to you?" he whispered so low that I barely heard it. _I just was given to choose between death and misery. _

"I… changed," I whispered back.

"I don't recognize you, Nessie," he called my nickname again and I felt like if a little bandage was placed in my heart… just one for all the thousands of pieces. I realized I needed nail down the dagger further.

"Just because you don't like what you're seeing doesn't mean something's wrong with me," I said harshly.

"It's not what I'm seeing… it's what I'm feeling. You used to care," I wanted to scream, to cry, to beg… but I had my damn purpose in mind.

"I am sure now that our future isn't together," The dagger went further into my chest. "I didn't stop loving you, Jacob. But the way I love you it's not enough to keep us together." That was it. I exhaled and waited for whatever was about to come. _I love you, Jacob… and I know this is a twisted way to show you… but that's all I have._

"I guess everything's clear now," his voice was full of pain. _I'm sorry, Jacob._ He turned around and came in front of me, I saw him lift a hand to touch my cheek. My body shivered at just the idea of him touching me… but I knew I was not going to resist it. I backed away and his hand froze for short seconds and then he dropped it. "How I failed you?" he asked rhetorically. I felt my heart was being torn even more. I shook my head. "What I did wrong? What was my mistake?" he was really asking me and I just couldn't talk. I refused to do it and he misunderstood my silent. "I'm sorry for all I made you go through," I finally saw a tear stream down his face. He whipped it. "But you don't have to endure me any longer," another tear came from his eyes. "You don't have to worry again for me… you don't have to see me again," _What? _I hadn't even thought about it. I… I wasn't going to see him again. _No, no, no, Renesmee! Pull it together. Drag them back!_

One tear ran down each one of my cheeks. And after those ones, other came and I was really crying in seconds.

He pulled me into a tight hug and we were both crying. I clung to him and he clung to me. I smelled him for one last time. "I'm sorry," I said between sobs. "Forgive me," I begged. He took his right hand and placed in the back of my head pulling me to him. "I forgive you," he whispered in my ear. "But if this is the last time for us…," he grabbed my face and kissed my right cheek. "Then I want you to know that I love you," he kissed my other cheek while I was trembling. "One year wasn't too much… but was better than not having you at all. I was truly happy through it… I don't know if I made you happy… but I just wanted you to know that you gave meaning to my life all this time," he pushed me away from his body. "But if is that what you want," he leaned forward one last time and kissed my forehead. "So be it"

He let me go then and turned around and walked towards the door. He turned one last time and there weren't words to describe the pain my heart and his were holding. _It's worthy… everything it's worthy as long as you can hate me… being alive._

* * *

**Aww! I'****m totally sad but good things are coming! Both gonna began to rebuilt their life and we will see, when they saw each other again (because they will) if the love is still there…if it survived through time. **

**I have 23****:20 in my clock… so technically still is February 7****th****… I'm sorry for the delay but come oon! I had to see the Super Bowl!! I am a fan!**

**Please review and let me know if I did it well… please****!**


	18. My way to say I love you

**A/N: First the first… thank you to all my reviewers! Really thank you! Like I promised… today is February 14****th**** and RedGrill's BDay! This chapter is my present for her hahaha!**

_**Happy BDay RedGrill!!!**_

**Well… again ****a sad chapter! Is gonna be like that for a while but the wait will make the future happy chapters more intense. We have three chapters more before they see each other again and before the big event that will make them reunite. I want to tell a lot of things more but I think I will be ruining everything if I do. Enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twlght/Nw Mn/Clps/Brkng Dwn.**

**Jane Strauss**

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_I never thought I could fall like that  
Never knew that I could hurt this bad_

_So t__his is the way that I say I love You  
_

**Chapte****r 17: My way to say I love you**

One month… It has been one month since I broke up with Jacob. Sure after he left I thought the worst part was over… I was wrong. The worst part was how to learn to live without… I missed him like hell; I missed his presence, his smile, his eyes, his lips, his hands… every damn hair of his head!

I don't know how I survived. I never approved my dad's suicidal idea when he told me about the time he and mom were separated. I thought I had understood love then… I was sixteen and I was dating my school sweetheart Matt, he was my love interest and I knew now that I didn't love him too much but I did felt something for him. I thought it was love and I knew for sure that I would have been sad if he left me but I wouldn't go suicidal. How wrong I was! I probably didn't know even the quarter part of what love was. One year later I fell too hard for Jacob that I literally forgot who Matt was. I understood my dad then; I understood how you can sacrifice yourself for someone else… for someone that means the entire world and life for you. I never thought I would be one day in the same situation… but for all intents and purposes… it was the same.

We talked just once after we broke up. I called him… One night my conscious was eating me alive and I couldn't control it. He answered with a monotonous voice. I just apologized and ask him to not hate me. He made me feel worse than before by just wishing me happiness and then hanging up.

I couldn't help but wonder if I would see him again. If someday in the future he would forgive me for all the pain I caused him… if he would appreciate me enough to smile at me one day and tell me it was okay. My mind was betraying me… I pictured him in a Seattle street… walking hand in hand with a really pretty woman and he carrying a little black haired boy in the other hand. I saw myself in the same street, walking towards them without noticing and that he would recognize me and call my name. He was smiling at me… really happy to see me again. He would introduce me to his wife and his son… I saw him really excited and his smile told me he already had forgiven me. And I would be happy to know his life wasn't ended though mine was and I would be happy to know he didn't hate me anymore, that he was giving the peace to my heart I needed the most. I caught myself being truly happy about what I saw. His happiness was mine and even though I wished, with all my heart, be that woman next to him… I wouldn't trade that healing smile for anything and if she was the one causing it I was more than okay with it. I would smile back and that was going to be my way to tell I was still in love with him and my way to thank him for the internal calm.

My mind was really a thing to analyze. My attitude in the daydream could seem very disturbing but was the only thing that made me go through Jacob's absence. The idea of seeing him smile again and the idea of him doing that to me, meaning he really forgave me was enough to make me wake up every morning.

One bad day, Esdras suddenly came to my apartment and pretended as if he did nothing to me. He changed his attitude towards me and transformed into a nicer person; he literally became a stalker with the time but not that bad. He visited me often, like thrice a week and tried to become my friend. _Sure! Why not? _I thought sarcastically.

Four months later I learned his story. He met a rich and powerful man longtime ago in Germany while doing his Master in constructions, he made him his right hand in business and dragged him into the vampire world. The rich man knew about the Volturi because his father was a close friend with Marcus but the man wasn't a vampire himself. Aro met Esdras then and was very interested with his natural beauty and his charming power that made Aro begun plotting what to do with him. They offered immortality to him if he was willing to help them… to be their communication with the human world. Esdras admitted he didn't know what he was doing then, he was dazzled and obsessed and he told me he wasn't sure to want to become a vampire anymore. But he was confident about the powerful future that was in front of him. I knew he was disoriented and scared and that made me feel sorry for hating him… after all… he was as much victim of them as I was… We couldn't get away from them.

Six months later was Jacob's thirty seven birthday; I wanted to give him a present even in our situation. _How stubborn can a heart be, hu?_ But I didn't want him to know it was me… just something that will make my life a little happier. I thought about a lot of things I could give to him but no matter who would handle him the present… he would know it is mine. The less risky present was tickets for the Washington Redskins' last game of the season. I knew Jake was a huge fan so I bought three tickets and then I didn't know what to do with them. I talked with Claire and convinced her to give the tickets to Jacob in her and Quil's name. She accepted and never told Quil or Jacob that was my present for him. Jacob thanked her for the tickets and Quil, Seth and him went to the game. She told Quil that she saved money for the tickets since she knew he was a huge fan of the Redskins too; he never asked anything else about the matter.

Esdras and I relationship became cordial and I wasn't annoyed to see him anymore. He was really nice and a really interesting person to talk with. We went out a couple of times just to get my head cleared a little but I could never forget he was the Volturis' chaperone.

Claire continued living with me. I would have thought that she was going to leave me but it was important for her to get her degree done. But I thought the moment that made her decide to stay by my side was the night she figured it out my deepest secret. She knew I was still in love with Jacob.

* * *

"Nessie, Nessie," Claire came to my room and held me while I was crying. I had been crying the last six months over Jacob but I always had been quiet. But that night, as sometimes before, the pain was just unbearable. "It's okay, Nessie… Calm down," she said sincerely and I clung to her arms. I shook my head and whipped my tears.

After an hour I calmed myself and whipped my tears; I didn't know how I was going to explain myself to Claire but I had to come up with something.

"I'm sorry you saw that," I said with my eyes looking at my hands in my lap. She smiled at me. "I have had a lot of problems lately with school and Esdras..."

"Nessie you don't have to lie to me," she said caressing my hair. "Jacob believed you because he's a man _ergo_ not too much intuitive but you can't foolish me," I froze and looked at her. "Why you lied to him?" she asked suddenly and I wanted to pretend I didn't know what she was saying but she challenged me with the eyes to lie to her. I sighed and tears began filling my eyes.

"It's better like that, Claire," I whispered.

"How is he gonna be better, Nessie? Explain me, please," she said sarcastically.

"He's gonna be alive… and that's all that matters," I whispered again; I knew she wasn't going to buy that one so easily.

"Alive?" she asked. I didn't wanted to tell her about everything but she was already in too much; she knew about wolves and vampires… she knew about the full commitment between mythical creatures… she knew how falling in love for us was not the same that falling in the human world… we don't change mates; is everlasting love as corny as it sounds. Even her… being human… could feel the strong love for Quil. Of course she knew I couldn't have stopped loving Jacob all of sudden. I sighed.

"The Volturi want us apart or they will kill him," I said in a rush with tears in my eyes. I heard her gasp; it took her about two minutes to just answer.

"What?" she asked but I knew she heard me. I only looked at her with tragedy written all over my face. "They can't do that, can they?"

"Of course they can… Do you remember six months ago when Jacob got hurt? When you moved here?" I asked and she nodded. "It was them," I said; that very moment I felt like the worst thing on earth.

"How do you know it was them?" I realized I hadn't told her about Esdras. It was the only thing missing.

"Esdras," I whispered very low but she heard me.

"What about him?"

"He works for them," I whispered ashamed again. "He was the one who told me where Jacob was and that's how I found him all injured. He told me that was a proof that the Volturi weren't kidding," I lifted my eyes and she saw my red eyes. "Would you be able to live knowing you're the reason of Quil's death?" I asked trying to place her in my shoes. Her eyes widened and her heart picked up with the only thought. "I couldn't, Claire," I began crying again… really crying. "There weren't other options." I said between sobs. She hugged me tight.

"Esdras? God! And what about your family?" she asked.

"They called all our friends seventeen years ago to help us with the Volturi and even with all of them and the wolves, my dad thought we weren't going to survive," I stared at her asking for some comprehension. "It was better like this, Claire. If I tell my family sure they will fight but I will be risking them unnecessarily. What if one of ours do not make it after the fight?... Like this nobody is dead; I'm miserable but my family and friends are safe and Jacob's alive."

"There has to be a solution, Nessie. You can't be damned to live like this the rest of your existence," she was truly worried. I shook my head.

* * *

Claire became my best friend after that because she was the person who knew me the best. She was there to hold me every single night when I felt I couldn't do it. Nonetheless she was against what I was doing; she tried to convince me many times to quit my plan but I couldn't even think about it.

She traveled every fifteen days to La Push and she told me about Jacob after each one of her trips. It was like throwing salt to my wound but it was like water to my dry heart too. I learned from her that he was as miserable as I was; that he was working and patrolling all the time… avoiding free time to think. He got promoted again and was even busier, he barely was at his home; most of his time was spent between his responsibilities.

She also told me that he never talked about me or us but Quil always heard him when they coincided in patrols. She said Quil couldn't describe the way I was in his mind. Quil could see me in the back of Jacob's mind but like if I was behind a glass wall, like if he was containing everything about me… like if he had placed me safely where I couldn't hurt. I was partially very relieved that I wasn't hurting him as much as I thought. But I was very worried at the same time… Claire told me that even with his memories about me behind that wall, he was very affected; I knew him as a crystal ball and I knew he had to be tired and emotionally unstable and that if he let me pass that wall, my memories will… crush him.

Ten painfully slow months passed and I finished my second year. I was six months away of getting my degree and I wanted to get a job. Claire never told Quil about my truth, she said it was my thing to be said and that she would keep my secret. I was eternally grateful with her but I hurt Jacob even more with it because Claire told me he saw in Quil's memory how Esdras visited me often. I guess that was a bonus to my plan… digging the dagger even more. I got even more depressed that week; I needed a bigger incentive and that night Sarah Black came back to my dreams and show me what was needed to keep me sane.

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**That was chapter 17****! Wiii Sarah's back!!**

**I already wrote the dream that would make Nessie want to fight for a happy life! So I'll ask for 13 reviews just to reach the hundredth review! **

**Pleasee! Just 13 reviews and you'll get the next chapter or you ****will have to wait until the first of March to get the newbie. You decide!**

**Till then… best wishes!**


	19. By pure anxiety

**A/N: Oh My! I'm sorry for taking so long but like I said before I'm a medical student and I have been so busy with school but now I'm free for a couple of weeks.**

**First of all I wanna thank you to everyone who reviewed and that added my story or myself to favorites. Thank you for your support guys and like a gift to you all, I decided that is just one chapter left instead of two until Jacob and Nessie see each other again! **

**I had an anonymous review from someone that threatened me to stop reading my story… don't worry I'm not mad, actually it flattered me and it was funny. Again I'm so sorry for the waiting!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own all the Twilight series.**

**Jane Strauss**

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**Chapter 18:**** By pure anxiety**

"Hello again, my dear," I heard a sweet voice. I opened my eyes and I was in the middle of a paradise. I knew the place; it was the far side of First Beach; I didn't remember First Beach as beautiful as I saw it then. It was cloudy as always but it wasn't raining; the cool breeze was relaxing instead of cooling. I smelled the earth, the trees, the flowers; I really never 'saw' that part of First Beach before. I took my time to stare at the waves crashing the rocks but then I remembered someone was with me. I turned around and there she was, as beautiful as ever.

"Hello," I said smiling.

"I told you that you will see me again," she smiled back and I nodded.

"I'm glad you're back," I said and let my head fall. She came to me and hugged me… it was a dream but I did felt her warm arms around me. Automatically my tears began stream down my face.

"Oh, Nessie… how devastated you look," she caressed my hair and though she wasn't my mom, she was filling the role. I couldn't stop sobbing. "What did you do, Nessie?" I knew she was trying to understand me but I could bet she was against with what I did.

"I'm sorry, Sarah," I cried in her shoulder. "I'm sorry for what I did… but… it was the only solution," I was so ashamed… that's not what you want to tell to the love of your life's mother.

"Nessie," she caressed my hair. "Calm down, dear." She said and then took me by the shoulders. "I know what you did and why you did it. What I don't understand is really WHY you did it," I didn't understand her question. I made a puzzled face. "Why you made the decision by yourself?" I let my face fall and I swallowed instinctively the permanent knot in my throat.

"To whom I should have asked for help?" I was feeling very weak.

"My son, for example," she was scolding me but I didn't even feel it like that, her voice was so sweet and so understanding. I shook my head and went automatically in a denial state. "Why not, Nessie?"

"He wouldn't have let me do this… he would have wanted fight. And not just him but the wolf pack. The wolf pack against at least fourty talented vampires." I walked away from her and went near the water. "He would have died." I dropped to the sand and stared at the horizon.

"And that would have been his decision, made by him… not by you, my dear." How can she be telling me this? She wouldn't want her son to live?

"I know, Sarah… but I can't stand even think about it. Me being the reason of his death," I began crying harder than before… still in the sand.

"And how do you think he's now?" she asked suddenly and my tears stopped. I turned around and she stared back at me intensely. "His pain made him wish to be dead… he can't find a reason to live. Isn't that the same, Renesmee?" I couldn't talk. "You just chose to kill him slowly rather than quickly… but he's dying anyway." She walked towards me and reached out for my hand. "Come with me," she asked me and I stood up. She stared at me eyes and seconds later when I turned around I was in what seemed to be a mall. People shopping around, laughing, chatting. _Great! Happy people! _

I was confused and looked at Sarah; she smiled and pointed with her chin towards the corner of one of the stores. I watched there and seconds later I saw a tiny girl turn the corner timidly. I really saw her then; she was really beautiful; long copper curls, extremely white skin, flawless face; she was wearing a blue light dress and in her right hand she had a bracelet. I knew her… oh God, of course I knew her; she was… me! She seemed scared, uncomfortable and disoriented. I walked towards her without thinking it.

I was too close to her and then she lifted her eyes from the floor and watched me. The moment my eyes met hers I remembered that day; the day I got lost in the mall when I was one year old but looking like a three years old. I remembered my aunts and me were there looking for dresses for my grandpa Charlie's wedding. And I remembered I was bored and that I decided to run around the mall, run away from them and that the one who found me was… Jacob. I froze there and the girl was looking at me; she wasn't afraid, she knew her abilities. I kneeled in front of her.

"Hello," I told her. She just smiled and continued looking around. "Are you lost?" I asked though I knew it was true. She nodded.

"I think I can help you," I said to her and her eyes widened. "To whom are you looking for?" she opened her little mouth.

"_Jacob,"_ she almost whispered. I couldn't help but smile.

"Well," I stood up and reached for her hand. "Let's go find Jacob, then." She took my hand hesitantly and we walked towards where I remembered perfectly Jacob was. We reached the cafeteria two minutes later and I saw him almost yelling at my aunts and then saw Alice and Rose go to search for me at the opposite side of the store. I stopped and the girl with me. We were pretty far away so I knew they couldn't hear us.

"There he is," I pointed to Jacob. She smiled wide and the excitement returned to her face. I couldn't resist it so I asked. "Do you love him?" It seemed an odd question for a tiny girl but I just had to do it.

"Yes," she whispered again and I smiled even wider.

"Then go back to him… and tell him that, okay?" She nodded and gave me a really tight hug. That filled me with joy and I laughed. She didn't even ask me how I knew he was Jacob but I knew it was because I already believed in magic things.

"Thank you," she said and ran away. Jacob smelled her near and turned around just in time to pick her up.

"Why don't you go back to him and tell him exactly the same?" I heard Sarah asked me from behind. Those words hurt in some way and it was probably more wounding that I wanted to do exactly that. I walked a little so I could hear everything.

"_Oh Jeeze, Nessie. Where were you? You scared us." _Jacob said and was ready to scold me.

"_I love you, Jacob," _I heard her say and I smiled. His eyes softened and he smiled.

"_I love you too, kiddo. But you shouldn't disappear like that. How am I supposed to take care of you if you don't let me?" _My smiled disappeared then. I felt like a giant bus had hit me.

"How is he going to do that, Nessie?" Again I heard Sarah from behind me very close. I understood her point.

"I want to take care of him, too," I whispered while a single tear ran down my face

"This is just the beginning, Nessie. I'm going to make you see how wrong you are. It's a promise" She disappeared then and I saw how everything started spinning.

I woke up suddenly and felt like a hole in my chest. A crushing sad feeling in my heart, a very sad one. Big fat tears began streaming down my face. God, Jacob… I'm sorry for all. I'm sorry had interfered in your life. Look at what I've done to you!!

Misery wasn't enough word to contain the devastated feeling that was suppressing any form of happiness in my life. Eight months ago I would have thought I was doing the right thing and still thought that but now for sure I knew I was hurting Jacob in other ways.

I didn't dream with Sarah every night, sometimes I passed a week without having a dream with her. For ten months she showed me my young moments with Jacob and I woke up crying every morning. She showed me from outside how our love was pure and true. How we were perfect for each other and how each one of the wolves envied Jacob for what we had. Nobody went through what Jacob and I did; not even my parents. I knew all about him… I knew he was stubborn, irritable, proud and childlike and the weird thing was that I loved those things about him. At the same time he was the kindest person I knew, he was so charming, sexy and sweet with me and I never had doubts of his love. He saw me grow; pass through the awkward state of puberty and he still loved me. Even though he snored and sometimes behave like a dog... he was the most beautiful person I knew… beautifully imperfect. And I wouldn't trade any moment with him. How can you love someone like that?? Ask me… because I'm still so in love with an imperfect wolf that means my entire existence.

I finished my career months ago and thanks to my perfect ratings and good records; the university offered me to participate with them in a research about The World War II that was going to be published later in the year. I accepted and had been working on that the last seven months. To help me to pay my things the University gave me another job as a teacher of freshmen; I was happy… I liked to teach and investigate. I thought I finally found my place in the world.

One year and a half had passed since the last time I saw Jacob and time kept running. Claire continued living with me all this time; she said she didn't want to leave my side with Esdras still around. She and I became closer than ever; every now and then she told me about Jacob. She said Jacob got a new promotion and then his boss offered him pay for the rest of Jacob's studies in College just to get his career done and offer him a new promotion in six months. It was weird but even so far away I was excited about it. He should be happy to have his degree done.

Claire also told me something that killed my emotions about Jacob's new project. She told he began… dating again; he was dating Holly since three months ago. According to my best friend… Holly was so pushy and annoying that Jacob just gave up and let her have her chance with him but after she passed the stalker stage then Jacob began enjoy dating with her. I was so jealous and that was eating me alive but I couldn't do anything. I should be grateful that finally someone is picking the pieces of his broken heart. Heart that I broke without having stopped to think about what I was really doing.

If time could come back… I would have done everything differently.

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**Just one chapter more until the big event!**

**Please review and let me know that you love me please! Hahaha **

**And thank you all because I reached my hundredth review!**


	20. Always worth fighting

**A/N: Hey hey everyone! I'm back! Chapter 19… I wanna thank you to all my reviewers… really thank you guys!**

**Okay… so here's the last chapter of Nessie's agony. Next chapter she would see Jake again but they're not gonna run into each others' arms… there's a lot of lies between them, a girlfriend and a huge healing process but what can I say? I believe there could be still love between them… what do you say??**

**Tell me what would to like to happen in a review and I'll reward you with a previous of Nessie and Jacob's encounter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any other book in bookstores.**

**Jane Strauss**

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**Chapter 19: Always worth fighting**

Another six months without Jacob… I don't even know why I bother myself in counting the days, it was useless but at least that gave me something to do. I finished my investigation with the university and it was published. We became pretty famous because of that; two colleges offered me a job and even a tv channel did it too. I was very overwhelmed with all the attention and I accepted the tv channel's offer. It wasn't just me; it was a huge team of people, very talented people. The university was very proud of me and a co-worker because we were on the project.

Esdras left five months ago; the Volturi were fulfilling their promise. They changed Esdras into a vampire, four months and a half ago. He called me every week and told me he was fine but the Volturi didn't let him come because he was a new born and to me that was good. I felt really free but not happy because he promised to come back… I was never going to get rid of him.

I was really living like a vegetable… Don't misunderstand me, I was grateful to have such a cool job and all that but I describe my life like when you got all the food you wanted and suddenly it didn't taste at all. I knew many people that would give many things to have the job I had or the things I had; but I would give all that and much more to have the chance to love free and carelessly.

My family was worried about me; my dad couldn't read my mind pretty well because it was clouded and blurry. But my mom wasn't as oblivious… after all; she went through the same. But still nobody, apart from Claire, knew about my lies and my torture.

Claire… she was the one that brought me happiness and sadness at the same time. She continued telling me about Jake. He was at college, one month away from getting his degree. That was awesome… what wasn't awesome, not even a little, was that – according to Claire – he and Holly became pretty serious. Claire told me her suspicion… that both were about to engage and those simple words had the potential to stop my life.

I felt horrible… I didn't want him to get engaged; let alone married. So selfish I knew but I couldn't help it. Maybe it was because I couldn't imagine myself with someone else – marry that other man and having his babies – I wanted to be a mother one day but the plan was having Jacob's child, not someone else's. I quit that idea long time ago… I wanted my kids to be from love, from real love and that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

The best of my dreams occurred the night it was supposed to be mine and Jacob's third anniversary. Sarah was there with me, in mine and Jacob's cliff. It was so shiny and warm… too strange for La Push and even stranger up in the cliff. It had been years since the last time I was there and it remained exactly the same; to me it was the best part of La Push and the view was exquisite, being there brought immediately the memoir of the day Jacob told me he loved me and our first kiss. This simple view was stirring everything; I turned around to see Sarah… she was smiling lightly as always.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"This dream is very special, Nessie. The most special I would say. I took you to the past all this time but now…" she trailed off and took me by the shoulders and turned me around to watch near to the fall by the east. I hadn't seen over there when I came; I could distinguish a slender silhouette. I walked towards there and little by little I saw how the silhouette became a woman with reddish brown long curls. With my peripheral vision I saw that Sarah was standing next to me. "This is the future," she whispered. "This is the last link of the chain of dreams I had for you and this dream is practically the only one you need to open your eyes." I loved Sarah but there was nothing she could do that would make me regret have saved Jacob.

"Is that me?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," she answered. I didn't saw the special of that moment until that second. I clearly could hear that my other me was humming a slow song and swinging back and forth; I walked even closer and that was when I saw it… a little black haired head resting in her right shoulder. It was a kid but I couldn't see his or her face; I was holding the kid very lovingly and that gave a warm feeling to my heart. Suddenly the urge to see his or her face was unbearable and when I was about to move to try to see the kid, I heard a sound in the woods... it was near. I turned around and smelled… _Jacob._

I saw my Jacob stepping out of the woods with a lovely smile on the face. I felt my heart hammer my chest; he was so beautiful with that breathtaking smile. I watched him and my heart stopped the moment I saw the boy in my other me arms looking at him. The black haired child was a gorgeous tanned boy with the most amazing brown eyes ever and a smile as breathtaking as Jacob's. The boy smiled very wide at the sight of Jacob and twitched in my copy's arms and she placed him gently on the floor, he was so little… maybe two or three years old, he ran immediately towards Jacob and he caught him just in time.

"You're fast, bud," he laughed. "Did I wake you up?" Jacob asked and the boy, that was exactly a tiny version of him, shook his head. Then Jacob lifted his head and watched my other self and smiled to her and she smiled back just as wide; she walked towards Jacob and the boy and when she got there… she kissed Jacob… or I kissed Jacob? I was still shocked when she kissed the kid's cheek. A warmer feeling than before filled me while watching that scene; after a couple of minutes Jacob dropped his head to watch the kid in his arms; he was fast asleep and snoring a little. He chuckled and spoke.

"How easily he falls asleep," he said.

"Like father, like son," my copy said and then smiled and Jacob with her.

"And my son and I are proud of that," he winked and I corroborated my suspicious… the boy was Jacob's son. "But he is as smart as you, baby," he leaned to kiss my copy. I froze there… the kid was my son too? That was too good to be true.

"Well… that and my eyes are the only things Phoenix got from me, because apart from that, he's totally a Black." Phoenix… the boy's name was Phoenix. I wanted to cry in that moment. He was mine and Jacob's son and he was the most beautiful kid in the world. That was wonderful; but even more wonderful was the fact that I was with Jacob and we were a family. The tears began then.

"Would you believe me if I tell you that this dream is still reachable… that this is a possible future?" Sarah said always from behind.

"Can I have a family?" I stuttered the last word.

"That is your family, Renesmee… your husband and your son," I felt then what was called float. My husband and my son… how amazing that sounds?! I let myself swim in those words and a movement from my dream brought me back. Jacob turned around with our son still in his arms…

"We should go, it's getting cold for Phoenix" he embraced our son in a way that made everything click in my mind.

"Sure, sure," my copy smiled and Jacob disappeared in the forest with my kid. I wanted them to come back or me going after them but I knew I couldn't. I didn't realize that my copy remained there in the cliff; I turned around to watch her and her body was at my direction but her eyes weren't looking at me.

"She knows you're here but she can't see you," Sarah whispered. I stared back at her and saw her smile truly… thing I hadn't done in a really long time.

"Always worth fighting," she said and I knew she was talking to me; she nodded once and then followed the same pattern as Jacob.

Worse than no having something is that you know you could have it. I, sure, was sad and depressed that I couldn't have a family on my own with Jacob but I was now devastated because I saw it… I saw my family with the love of my life. How can I quit that? I saw Phoenix… my beautiful boy and I saw Jacob as my husband. If that was the future then that meant that I could have it, that I could deal with the Volturi. And it was will be worth it… everything was worth it if I could see that tiny beautiful face and call him my son. I had an epiphany there.

I turned around to see Sarah and I saw her with a frozen face; her eyes were far away altogether with her mind.

"Sarah?" I asked but she didn't answer, she was completely frozen. "Sarah?" I asked a second time and then she moved her eyes to stare back at me. I swear I saw real fear in her eyes.

_Billy _

She whispered and I felt like if I was falling into a black hole and then… I woke up.

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**That was chapter 19!!!!**

**Chapter 20 will be just one of the ones you're expecting… like I said at the beginning… tell me what you would like to happen with Nessie and Jacob and I will let you read a little of Nessie and Jacob's encounter of the next chapter!**

**Hugs and kisses!!**

**Review!**


	21. Required for Return

**A/N: Okay this is gonna be a little long… First of all: Thank you to everyone that reviewed, I sent a preview of this chapter except ****for my last three reviews****but I'll reward you guys later. Promise!**

**So this is one of the chapters you were waiting**** for. Nessie sees Jacob again!!! Even I am excited! Well, we will see a tough Jacob but we know him… we know he's a teddy wolf, so don't judge him… he's just to overwhelmed with everything.**

**I wanna communicate that after chapter 22 I'll change the rating of this story. It's about to get M! I'm not saying I'll write certain citrus fruit - I'm still not sure if I can do it – but I'll write other things and I don't want to have troubles with it. So if you like my story but never added it as a story alert… then do it! Because you can miss it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight… Do you think I would be writing fan fictions if I were The Twilight Saga owner?? Hell yeah!! Because I love writing ;D**

**Jane Strauss**

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_  
Promise me tomorrow starts with you._

**Chapter 20: Required for Return**

I was hyperventilating then and I swear I was sweating; I didn't know what to feel. I was all in high because of that wonderful dream and the sight of my possible family and then I was all confused because of Sarah's pained face and her last word… _Billy???_ Why she said that? That gave me a sense of worry. It was four o'clock in the morning but I couldn't sleep again. I was thinking about my dream and how those single moments changed my life. I saw my future and I saw it clearly and settled… if still was a reachable future then we can face the Volturi thing and everything in the way to just make literally our dreams come true.

I decided that I was going to say the truth…that I was going to try to get Jacob back and if it was necessary… beg him to take me back… it wasn't going to be any easier since the fact that I hurt him so bad but my hopeful side was wishing he would forgive my stubborn and stupid heart.

I was smiling from ear to ear then. I was going to plan a trip to La Push and he was going to be mad at me but I knew he was kind and sincere enough to hear my explanations… not to forgive me but just to hear me… listen to what I had to say. Even with the enormous possibility of his rejection, I was excited to no longer continuing with the lies. Those were happy thoughts that helped me to sleep again.

I woke up at 7 am and the lights of the hallway were already on. It was strange because that day was Claire's day off. I opened my door and I heard Claire talking to someone by the phone. I went to take a shower and when I finished I went to the living room and there was Claire… very quiet and very still. I walked towards her and she had a very serious face.

"Claire?" I asked and she looked at me. "Is something wrong?" she nodded and was about to cry. I sat next to her in the couch.

"Billy Black had a heart attack," she whispered and my heart hurt.

"What?!" I asked again even though I heard perfectly. "When?" I asked stammering.

"Like three hours ago, I think so," she said all confused. Oh God! That was what happened with Sarah.

"And how is he?" I felt like that was a stupid question… and it was but I had to do it.

"I don't know, Quil just told me a while ago and he said it was pretty serious," I closed my eyes. This couldn't be happening… not with Billy, he was still a strong man. _Aw… Jacob._

That was an awful feeling… despair and anxiety. I wanted to ask much more but I knew Claire didn't have any other information to me. _Billy._

I wanted to go immediately to La Push and be there for Jacob and Rachel… but that wasn't a good idea since I wasn't sure if I was welcomed there. I waited anxiously Quil's next call; he called by three pm and told Claire that Billy's condition was really severe and that probably he wasn't going pass the next day. I was devastated by that; Billy was – through many years – like a father to me; he was kind and respectful towards my specie… and he never discriminated me. I felt even more like trash to realize that I hadn't talked to him since Jacob and I broke up, I never called him or anything; and now he was dying thinking I was an ungrateful person. I had missed him this past two years but I needed complete my 'Staying Away' plan and the only way was cutting all my roots with Jacob… the funny thing was the biggest root was never cut. The strongest thing that tied me to Jacob was still there… my love for him was never going to disappear.

Claire told me she was traveling to La Push the next day to be there for Quil and the whole pack. I debated with myself if I should go to La Push to see him, because that meant seeing Jacob again. I didn't trust myself with that one… I wanted to say everything but it wasn't the right moment. But at the same time I knew that I'd never forgive myself if Billy dies thinking I was a thankless. I wanted to see him one last time and thank him for everything he did for me and ask him to forgive me. I knew for sure that he didn't blame me for anything but still I was the reason of his son's unhappiness. After long hours debating I decided that Billy deserved more than my cowardice and more than my indifference.

I told Claire that I was traveling to La Push with her to see him and she went rigid a little. I know it was because all the people in La Push knew my story with Jacob and knew all that could happen with me in their territory but again… I was doing everything for Billy. I eventually didn't tell Esdras about my decision because I was sick of always have to give him a list of what's and why's about my life. I let him take control of my life for two years because it seemed easier that way but it was enough with that. Esdras wasn't a bad person but he always had wanted the wrong things; he was really in love with me and he considered me his girlfriend though we just kissed once in two years and he kissed me… I just didn't move; I guess I was trying to see if I could be with someone else and it did work… I did see it; I did see that everything was useless; that I was going to love Jacob for the rest of my pathetic existence. Esdras and I had a long conversation six months ago; he asked how I met Jacob and how I fell in love with him; what he did to posses my heart and why I couldn't stop loving him. I really never gave him an answer…

I traveled that same afternoon with Claire; I paid for both of our plane tickets and we were at Washington in less than half day. Claire went immediately to La Push while I went to my old house. I just wasn't ready to face all I was doing; I wanted to see Jacob so badly but at the same time I knew he wasn't going to greet me and give me a massive hug for sure but I was hoping he would smile to me.

I took a shower to relax myself and it didn't work but I was at least clean. I forgot to ask Claire to come with me… I didn't want to be in the border alone while she was already in La Push but that was a childish behavior. By seven o'clock I decided that couldn't postpone my visit to La Push anymore.

I ran since I hadn't a car and I ran for ten minutes then I knew I was entering to the territory near to the borderline. While running I smelt an old smell… wolves. I froze then, I realized I was too close of the border; I didn't smell like a full vampire but I definitely had a hint on me. I was about to go back to the house to later talk with Claire and she could tell the pack that it was me but then I felt a breeze that told me werewolves were really near and coming to meet me. I sighed and turned around to face the black forest.

Two huge wolves came from the bushes, stared at me and snarled at me. After a minute of staring, one of them howled really loud and a couple of howls came from the distance in response. I heard someone approaching, but not a wolf… a person. I was begging that wasn't Jacob. I wasn't ready.

Three seconds later two persons came from the bushes and walked through the two wolves. They were Seth and Quil. I relaxed immediately.

"Seth!" I said really loud and went to hug him. I saw with my peripheral vision that the wolves stiffened and made her defense's position. Seth place one of his hands around my waist and squeezed slightly. I backed off to scrutinize his face. He was serious with a hint of happiness in his face and Quil was the same. I was sure the wolves were "new" because they seemed not know how to treat me.

"Hey, Ness," he greeted me. "Long time without seeing you" he said with cheer. I recovered myself and went serious.

"I came to see Billy. Claire told me he had a heart attack and that he was really delicate… and that there are only a couple of days left." I dropped my head.

"He's really bad," was all he said.

"You think…" I stopped and took a deep breath. "You think there would be any problem if I go to see him?" I asked and saw him to stare to Quil for short seconds.

"It's not my decision, you know?" he told me and I understood what he meant. It was Jacob's decision to let me in. I was hoping he weren't at La Push but again I fooled myself. "I have to ask him," Seth said and snapped me off my thoughts. I lifted my head from the ground and when I stared at Seth I noticed that Quil was no longer behind him. He was nowhere. My stomach clenched and my heart dropped. I knew where he went.

"If he accepts, it only applies for you, Ness," I heard him said and I knew he was talking about Esdras and he didn't know I didn't bring him with me but I nodded anyway. Quil didn't take too long. He came back after two minutes and stared at Seth for five seconds without saying anything. Both stared at me quickly and then turned around to face the forest. I understood their attitude and just like that… my heart began to accelerate. That was when I heard footsteps coming to us. I knew who it was… I could recognize his scent. My heart speed up even more and when he came out from the bushes… my heart stopped all of sudden.

Two years… two fucking years without seeing his beautiful face. Two years trying to get rid of this love… Two totally wasted years. The moment Jacob came out from the darkness, I realized not even a drop of my love disappeared… not even a damn drop! In that case… only grew bigger with the longing. When I saw him… when I stared at him that same moment I felt all my love for him take over me again… take over my better judgment.

My love

My heart restarted really slow. I never forgot anything about him. He was exactly like I remembered him. The only thing different was that he seemed… broken. He was emaciated and I swear I saw him shorter and skinny. Though he was still big, his face was lifeless and serious. I wanted nothing more in this world than hug him and kiss him and tell him everything was going to be okay.

I wanted him to notice the weakness that was causing me. I destroyed his heart and that was supposed to be my façade but I didn't want to hold that one anymore. I reunited all my strength to look at his eyes. I shouldn't have done it. His eyes told me what I saw from the outside… he was broken. My heart, my head and my hands hurt at the same time. With my eyes on the floor I decided to talk but he did it first.  
"What are you doing here, Renesmee?" he asked seriously but without any kind of anger. My heart jumped at the sound of my name from his mouth.

"Claire told me about Billy and… I came to see him," I took a deep breath. "Please," I whispered. I heard nothing in response and when I lifted my eyes I saw Jacob staring at me. I couldn't help but stare back and lose myself in those black pools. He wasn't angry or resentful… just sadness and sorrow written all over his face… sorrow for all that happened with his life lately. Strength… this is not the moment to waver.

"I don't know if your vampire boyfriend came but he can't hunt here or near," he said now harshly. I didn't know how he heard about Esdras being already a vampire but then it clicked that probably was Claire. I nodded.

"He's not here," I whispered. I let my head fall for just two seconds to recover. I lifted my face again and Jacob wasn't there anymore. I felt a huge hole in my chest when I didn't see him but sighed in relief.

Seth took me with Billy; he was at the small Quileute hospital. I saw my old friends there… Embry, Paul, Rachel, Cameron… even Rebecca was there. All stared at me apprehensively when I walked in. How wouldn't? I'm the bitch who broke their alpha's heart.

I was feeling really awkward with their stares until Rachel came to greet me. She hugged me and I knew she wasn't holding harsh feelings against me. I hugged her back but a little hard, she needed the hug… it wasn't my father the one dying. She sobbed a little and then wiped the tears. In my childhood and puberty Rachel was always there, helping me and being my aunt and one of my best friends. Then I became Jacob's girlfriend and she became a sister to me. Besides Jacob… she was the second one that could be holding harsh feelings against me… but she didn't, she hugged me like if I had done anything. Like if I hadn't disappeared for two years.

She, Seth and Embry were the only ones talking to me. I learned that day that she was pregnant with her second child and she wanted Billy to meet his new grandchild. I just consoled her for a while, and trying to gather strength to see Billy. One hour passed since my arrival and Jacob was nowhere, he didn't want to see me again.

While hugging Rachel I saw Rebecca staring at me. She for sure, didn't know too much about me but of course she knew who I was and what I did. I couldn't hold her stare too much and let my head fall. Rachel left then and went to see how Billy was and to let me know if I could go to see him. I stayed there with Seth. I let my head rest in his shoulder.

_Where is he?_ I asked Seth with my ability.

"I don't know," he said.

_It's because I'm here, isn't it?_ Of course it was because of me.

"No, it's not. He had been like that for a while. A little before Billy's heart attack. I learned from his thoughts that he's patrolling or at his old house sleeping… just that. He comes here every once in a while." It shocked me to know that Jacob was a little neglected with his father. "Don't judge him, Ness. I'm surprised he's still standing." I knew he was referring to the fact that Jacob was carrying too much his shoulders: being the Alpha, his job, Billy's heart attack and… what I did to him. I was immediately feeling horrible, I judged him instantly without realizing what he has been carrying all this time. I was surprised too that he was still standing. I noticed an edge of something else in Seth's voice.

_What else you aren't telling me? _I felt him stiffen.

"I don't know what's going on… he's really disturbed. Something's wrong and I can't see it in his mind and of course he won't tell me," he turned around a little to see my face. I rubbed his strong arm while letting everything he was saying settle on my mind. "He's barely comes here, or his house; he doesn't eat… nobody knows really where he goes every time he disappears; not even… Holly," _Oh, Jake… what's going on?_ I didn't say anything for a while. "Everything it's crumbling down for him."

_Don't you know where he is now?_

"Probably sleeping in Billy's house but I'm not sure," he whispered really low because Rachel was coming back and near us.

"The doctor says you can see him in an hour; after they perform some tests," Rachel said. _Ok… then, I have time. _I nodded to Rachel.

"Then I'm gonna eat something," I said and Seth stared at me like if I was crazy… he knew I didn't like food. "Are you hungry, Seth?" I asked quietly and saw Seth's eyes got wide. _I said the magic words._ He nodded and I smiled a little. "And you Rachel?" I asked.

"No, its okay," she said. I nodded and grabbed Seth's hand and drag him out of the hospital and into his truck… that was the same I remembered. He climbed to the driver's seat and I next to him but he remained very still without turning on the truck. I was about to say something but he spoke.

"I'm hungry as hell but I don't believe you are," he said staring suspiciously at me.

"Maybe I'm not?" I made it sound more like a question.

"Then what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm gonna make Jacob eat and I'll feed you too in the way; so… drive to Billy's house," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked really shocked.

"I'll be your worst nightmare if you don't start the car right now," I threatened him.

"I can't go to Billy's house… Jacob's sleeping and you never wake up a sleeping wolf, woman," he was playful now.

"I'm not gonna wake him up. I'm just gonna cook something for you and him and then I'll leave. I'm not stupid, Seth… I know he won't eat something I prepared. It's called EGO! But I'm not gonna stay… you are gonna wait for him to wake up and tell him there's some food in the kitchen."

"That's not gonna work," he pouted.

"Now, Seth!" I was really annoyed by then; he just started the car and drove to Billy's house. I entered his house and Jacob's scent hit me. He smelled as good as always and I was about to cry by just smelling him. I paid attention and I heard his steady heart and his even breaths; he was asleep. _Good._ I went for my purpose immediately; I checked everything in the kitchen and I saw Billy had literally tons of fish… I could work with that. I fried a lot of fish and Seth was drooling all over the counter. I thought that Jacob was going to wake up because of the smell but he didn't; I gave half of the fish to Seth and saved the rest for Jacob. He was eating while I was washing the dishes; I finished and took Seth's keys from the counter.

"To where?" he asked choking out when I didn't tell him where I was going.

"I have to be in the hospital in fifteen minutes," I said like if it was obvious. "Please?" I gave him my puppy eyes and he laughed.

"Fine… Just because this fried fish tastes like heaven."

"Thank you," I smiled and walked towards outside the kitchen.

"Why are you doing this?" Seth asked without stop eating. Of course he noticed it… he was one hell of a smart wolf.

"Because you were hungry," I said.

"Not me," he stopped talking. "For him," he whispered the last part.

"Because I bet he's hungry too," I made a big emphasis trying to tell him that was the end of the conversation.

"If I didn't know you; I would say you're still in love with him," he whispered again. I turned around to watch him; he was still eating but his mouth was curled into a small smile. I realized then that he knew I was still in love with Jacob. I didn't suspect on anybody; I knew how Seth's mind worked and I was pretty sure he figured that one by himself or maybe he didn't believe my lie from the beginning.

I was about to ask what he was talking about when I realized that the even pumping of Jacob's heart had picked up since only God knows when. He was up and I didn't hear him. My eyes widened even more when his smell became stronger and then his heartbeat was hammering my ears. I lifted my face and stared at Seth; he had his 'busted' eyes and I knew then that Jacob was literally behind me.

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**And… that was chapter 20! ****How exciting. Please guys review. I almost got an aneurism to have this one done in time! Let me feel the love!**

**Next Chapter: T****his Friday! **

**PRESS THE GREEN BUTTON**


	22. If I could then I would

**A/N: ****I'm soo sorry for the delay… my mom is in the town and she stole all the energy I had for the next two weeks. JK! But she did end with my energy for the weekend.**

**Here's chapter 21! There are three Nessie/Jacob moments… one of them kind of nice. Chapter 22 is gonna be another long chapter and it's taking all of my efforts… so let me feel the support in your reviews guys!**

**I need a beta! That's why a chapter takes me longer than necessary… because I have to check it myself. If someone would help me, a chapter only would take four days at much. =( **

**If by some miracle someone is interested please send me a PM!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the other ones.**

**Jane Strauss**

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_And maybe __I'll find out  
a way to make it back someday  
to watch you, to guide you  
through the darkest of your days_

**Chapter 21:**** If I could then I would**

I turned around knowing what I would find. Jacob was so close to me and shirtless; my heart jumped in chest and raced up. He was staring at Seth and me with a poker face. _This wasn't in the plan._ I just wanted to say 'Hi' but I didn't know if I could talk. My eyes betrayed me and darted to his marvelous chest. I dragged them almost immediately and stared at him; his eyes caught with mine and we were staring at each other.

It was there when I tried to find some remainder of his love for me. I couldn't find it, he was staring at me with eyes I couldn't recognize and definitely I didn't see love in there. That killed my mood a lot but I wasn't going to give up. Maybe I was going to sound like a bitch from one of those chick flicks but Jacob was going to be mine again… I would do whatever it takes.

"Hello," I almost whispered. I heard his heart pick up a little and that made me smile internally.

"What are you doing here?" that was the same thing he asked me in the forest and seemed to be the only interaction he wanted to have with me. I didn't know what to say. Seth stood up and came to my side; Jacob stared at him and now I did see a meaning in his eyes and I wasn't wrong… Seth never said something.

"Well… Seth and I were a little hungry and Rachel told us there was plenty of fish in Billy's fridge and… I just fried it," I feel my knees like jello. "I cooked some for you too," I said.

"It's very good, man," Seth said with food in his mouth. Jacob stared at him for a second and then walked towards the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled while he poured a glass of water. I knew this was going to happen. I still knew him better than everyone.

"It's okay. I'm leaving anyway," I turned around and started walking. I reached Seth's truck and started driving away. After a couple of miles I pulled over the road and started crying. That hurt… I didn't know how much Jacob's rejection would affect me, but it did and very hard. It was my fault after all… That stone heart was my doing. I pulled myself together and drove to the hospital.

Rachel was waiting for me to take me with Billy; it was going to be hard but I wanted to see him. We passed by the waiting room and I saw a 'new face' there. Holly… she was sitting next to Rebecca and chatting with her pleasantly. She stiffened when she saw me and I saw rage in her ugly eyes. Maybe she was an amazing girlfriend now but the selfish bitch was deep inside her.

I didn't look at her more than two seconds; Rachel took me into a very white alley. We stopped by a white door and I could hear from outside Billy's weak heart. Rachel opened the door and then I saw him… my sweet Billy plugged to many tubs and machines. I wanted to cry immediately, he seemed so vulnerable. Rachel squeezed my hand and left me alone with Billy. I went to his side and sat in the chair near the bed. I cried a little; I knew it wasn't my fault but I couldn't help but feel guilty.

_Billy… what happened to you. I thought you were fishing and here you are. I'm so sorry, Billy. I'm sorry because I forgot about you; because I was so selfish this past two years. My only defense is to say that it was necessary but it's not a justification._

_You have to fight, Billy. There's a lot of people expecting that… including me. Though they are adults I know Rachel, Rebecca and Jacob still need you and your grandchildren too. This isn't over yet, Billy… I know Sarah would have told me if that was the case._

_You know, Billy… I have dreams with Sarah; she came every once in a while to my dreams… she's so beautiful; I know why you loved her too much…and she still loves you; from where she is, she still thinks about you and about her kids. She helped me a lot the last three years; she showed me a while ago that Jacob loved me and made me realize that I couldn't lose him. She's wonderful Billy and she knows you have too much things to do here on earth… you have to meet your other grandchildren; the ones from Rebecca, the one left from Rachel and the ones from Jacob. This is not over, Billy. Don't give up._

I didn't know why I did it but I showed him the only images I had from Phoenix. Him in my arms, smiling at Jacob, running towards him, falling asleep in his arms and the big fact that he was destined to be the next leader of the tribe… a Black.

After long twenty minutes I left the room and leaned against the outside wall; I had an emotional breakdown right there and I knew every wolf in the waiting room heard me but I was glad they didn't interrupt me. That was my second emotional breakdown of the day. I pulled myself together and walked to the waiting room; I sat with Seth and he hugged me. I was really quiet when I heard the - again familiar - pumping heart getting close; I turned my head towards the door and Jacob entered the room; Holly stared at me and then stood up and ran to Jacob's arms. He catched her and buried his face in her hair.

I'm not gonna deny it… I wanted to rip her head off the moment she wrapped her arms around Jacob. I didn't realize I was crushing Seth's hand until he did it back. I let my head fall… It woke up a monster in me, and it was even worse because Holly knew what she was doing… she was telling me Jacob was hers. I hope no for too long. I searched for a ring in his left hand but didn't find one. I sighed in relief.

_Where have you been, honey? I heard her ask… Honey? Really?_

_I was sleeping, why? He spoke_

_I just missed you. I know this is hard for you but you need to be here for your father and your sisters. _She hugged him again and he hugged her back. Rachel went to interrupt then but before he look at her… he looked at me; again with eyes I couldn't describe or recognize but I just stared back for short seconds. He looked at Rachel then, she kind of scolded him for not coming to see Billy. Jacob didn't say anything, just listened to her but I knew that for Jacob, listening wasn't equal to understanding… he wasn't even paying attention.

"He ate your food," Seth whispered and snapped me out from my thoughts.

_Really? _I asked in his mind, he nodded. It gave me a sense of relief. I leaned my head over Seth's shoulder; I just didn't want to see if they kiss or something else; I wasn't ready and I was never going to be.

I knew I fell asleep because I saw Sarah; she was standing in front of me, we were in her house… Billy's house. I watched around and I couldn't see anybody else.

"Sarah… I'm sorry," I said with tearful eyes. She was suffering but she managed to give me a smile.

"It's okay, my dear… not even me could have prevented this," she came to hug me. "But I need you to do me a huge favor." I nodded. "I need you to go find my son and bring him back," she said with worried voice. I didn't understand that.

"He's with him now… it was before I fell asleep." She shook her head.

"Find him… and bring him back." I continued confused but I nodded.

"To say goodbye to his father?" I asked.

"It's not time for that, yet… but he needs to be found," she said and then disappeared. I woke up immediately. I was leaned in one of the waiting room's couches. When I opened my eyes I saw everyone standing and talking; I saw Rachel crying in Paul's arms and Rebecca in her husband's. I searched for Jacob but he was nowhere just Holly. _No, no, no, please no._

I stood up quickly and went with Seth; he was talking with Embry.

"Seth, what's going on?" I asked desperately.

"The doctor came fifteen minutes ago and told us that Billy is dying… probably no more than a couple of hours," my eyes widened. _Not yet, Billy._

"Where's Jacob?" I asked quietly. Seth shook his head in disapproval but not towards me.

"He stormed out of here when the doctor left… he needs to be here, Ness. He needs to say goodbye to his father," I nodded.

"I need your keys," I said while holding out my hand.

"For what?" he asked.

"I'll go get him… you wait here." I whispered.

"Nessie, I'm not sure if that's a good idea… and nobody knows where he is."

"I do know," I took the keys from his hand and left the hospital without looking back.

I did know where he was… it was obvious to me that he had been in that place the last days he had been absent minded. I drove for twenty minutes until I reached the cliff… our cliff. I ran for ten minutes more until I reached the top; I smelled him there… I smiled internally. I stopped then and had a moment of regret but I got over it quickly. I saw him standing quietly in the edge; staring at the waves. A breeze hit my back and he smelled me.

"I should have guessed that you were the only one that could have found me," he said staring at the waves. I stepped out of the trees. "And the only one brave enough to bother me," I walked towards him. "I thought I had made clear that I wanted to be alone."

"I'm not from your pack to obey you or from your family to please you," he turned around to watch me and then he continued staring at the sea. "What are you doing here when your father is dying?" I asked as rude as before. He remained very quiet. I knew for sure he wasn't going to hurt me so I walked even closer. "What happened to you?... Aren't you gonna say goodbye to your dad?," silence. "Why is this not important to you, Jacob? Answer me!" He was driving me crazy in both meanings but mostly in the bad way.

"You don't understand," he whispered.

"I do understand, Jacob. I understand that you are coward enough to skip your own father."

"No! You really don't understand, Renesmee. This is so easy for you… you don't know what is to lose people; you don't know what is to give up on someone. You just dismiss people like if this is a fucking contest of whom is better, without really caring for someone. So don't give me that shit because you can't even imagine how hard this is for me," he yelled from first to last. "You just came here like a heroine to drag me back to the hospital to say goodbye to my father but I'm not like that… is my father, for God's sake! Much more than a father; he was my mentor and my light and was all I had for years and he remained at my side all this time… he was there for me when my heart was broken… twice. And I am what I am now because of him… and you are just asking me to let him go!... I'm sorry but I can't" Each one of his words hurt me to the core but I had to swallow it.

"And what if he dies and you never said goodbye?," he sighed and shook his head. "That's not you, Jacob," I talked slowly. He turned around again.

"What do you know about me?! You left two years ago… how dare you to say you know me?!" he shouted.

"Two years and I still know you better than anyone, like it or not. I know you're scared… that you want someone who really cares for you and tell you that everything is gonna be fine but you can't even ask for that because you're supposed to be the strongest one here… the one that holds on. But nobody is expecting that from you, Jacob… just you. Let it go… this is going to hurt but you're gonna survive; you always do," his breath increased and I saw real fear in his eyes. I couldn't help it… I didn't know what I was thinking but apparently nothing.

I hugged him… I wrapped my arms around his body and rested my right cheek in his chest. It was like if that one moment was the first time I touched him. It felt amazingly amazing… his scent, his warmth, his heart… everything. I didn't care if he didn't hug me back; just me doing it was enough; but much to my surprise he did reacted but it wasn't a hug all the way… he just placed one of his hands in my back tenderly and leaned forward to bury slightly his head in my hair. It was – again – enough for me. I felt my heart literally exploded of happiness. That was when I heard him whisper.

"What am I going to do without him?"

_You'__re strong, Jacob and nobody is essential to another one… I'm sure Billy made of you the leader you're now but you have to continue with your life; whether is he alive or not because there are people in this world for whom you're important, there's even a person for whom you're everything and that same people is expecting for you to pull it together and then go to serve as a son and tell your father that is okay to let it go._

He pulled back and stared at me; I just tilted my head to the side and he barely smiled and nodded. I let him go.

"I'm sorry," I let my face fall

"It's okay… I think I needed it," I lifted my head and he had a half smile in his face. He sighed deeply and walked two steps away from me and turned around. "Aren't you coming?" he asked.

"I have the keys, anyway," he smiled fully now and I got the first goal of my mission. Get him to smile to me. He reached out his hand and I dropped the keys on it. I think with all this time of misery I forgot that before everything happened… really before everything: we were best friends. I always understood him and my ability to read him didn't come from our relationship but from our friendship. I decided then that I was going to start with that… try to bring him back to my life like my friend; try to get back what made me fall in love with him in first place.

The ride back to the hospital was all in silent but I understood the situation didn't require a conversation. It only took us ten minutes and when we get there I was about to open my door and he pulled me gently by the arm. I turned around and stared at him.

"Um… would you come with me?" he asked awkwardly. I didn't know what to say so I just nodded and he nodded once back. Jacob entered the hospital and Seth came quietly to talk to him; I saw Rachel and her angry eyes make their way towards Jacob but I just shook my head to her and she stopped walking and I mouthed a 'no'. Holly stood up furiously when she saw me next to Jacob but Rachel stopped her and when Rachel wanted to be aggressive Rachel could be aggressive. Holly didn't approach to Jacob but I knew she was wishing my death. It was mutual, anyway. Jacob watched the full room without knowing exactly what to do. I touched his arm slightly.

_Are you ready?_I asked him and he just looked at me. I just nodded once and he sighed and nodded back. He walked down the aisle with me behind; everyone wanted to know what was going on, why Jacob and I were together and why I was walking with him to go to see Billy. We entered the room and he stopped for a moment before going forward. He sat in the chair next to Billy and remained silent for moment but then he just rested his head in Billy's limp right hand. I didn't knew if I was just making harder the goodbye so I just walked towards Jacob to tell him I was going to wait outside when I saw her.

I saw Sarah Black standing in one of the corners of the room; near to Billy's bed. I wanted to cry because I knew she was there to take Billy with here. One tear streamed down my face and she smiled.

"Don't cry, my dear." She said lovely. I just wiped the tear but another one was about to fall. "I'm not here to take him," my eyes widened at her words. "Looks like, my sweet Billy has battery for another while." She smiled again. I couldn't settle what she said. "It's not his time, yet." My eyes were still wide but the happiness was reaching my mouth. I smiled seconds later. I mouthed a 'really?'. She laughed and nodded; I wanted to hug her but that was impossible. I turned to watch Billy and he was already waking up. I looked at Sarah and she was disappearing but not before talking. "He's going to meet Phoenix, after all." And then she disappeared. I almost laughed but I refrained.

I placed on of my hands in Jacob's shoulder and he lifted his face of Billy's hand. I just stared at Billy and he followed my gaze. He was half awake but he knew who we were because he was watching to both of us. With the seconds I noticed Billy more aware of his surroundings. I just couldn't wipe the huge smile from my face.

"I must be about to die… you two here? In the same room?" Billy said wearily. Surprisingly that only made me smile wider.

"Dad?" Jacob asked incredulous. Billy was looking only at his son now.

"That's me," Billy said and then moved his eyes from him to me. "I have to be dying for you to come to visit?" he asked and I knew he was playing but nonethe less it made me feel horrible.

"I'm so sorry, Billy," I swung my head. "I'm a bad daughter."

"You were," he half smiled then and I leaned to kiss his forehead.

"I'm really sorry," I said again and he just looked at me and then turned to watch Jacob who continued in silence.

"Are you okay, son?" Billy asked.

"That's the same I want to ask you."

"I feel like if a giant bus had hit me last night but your old man is made of good wood." He grabbed Jacob's hand. "Your mother told me it wasn't my time." He whispered and then stared at me like if he knew something about me and he probably did know something about me… something involving Sarah Black. Jacob smiled and Rachel and Rebecca entered the room with Paul, Seth and Holly. I just stood up from the bed and with all the frenzy I just left the room.

The waiting room was all empty with everyone in the room; I just got out of the hospital and ran to Billy's house. I was just too much tired and I knew Billy wouldn't care if I slept in his house. I took the couch and a blanket that didn't seem was going to be helpful but I took it anyway. Like I predicted I was frozen by midnight and I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about Billy and Jacob when I heard a car outside and I immediately sat up and when someone opened the door I smelled; my heart raced up when I smelled Jacob. I barely had time to sit straight when he appeared on the living room with confused eyes.

"Hey… here you are." He said. "Billy has been asking for you… why did you leave?"

"Um… It was time for everyone to see Billy and I was too tired," I whispered and his eyes went to the blanket beside me.

"It's too cold here," he said randomly. I nodded slightly; I saw him make his 'I'm thinking' eyes and then he sighed. "I just came to pick some Billy's documents for the doctor…" he hung his head and after a couple of seconds he lifted it. "Come on… you can sleep in my house. It's warmer than here," my eyes widened so much that it hurt. What? Really? Even when I wanted to scream a yes I knew that wasn't correct. I shook my head slightly.

"It's okay, you don't ha-"

"Don't make me beg; I'll sleep in my couch," he interrupted me. I thought about it for short second. _Aw…_ _what the hell! _I stood up and walked slowly to where he was. I heard his heart pick up a little and I smiled on the inside… that had to be a good sign. At least he still cared for me.

"Wait in the truck; I'll go to search for the documents," he went to Billy's room and I walked towards the door. Maybe this could be a good thing… but I knew I wasn't getting any sleep.

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**That was chapter 21! I see ****a really huge Jacob and Nessie moment coming!!! And it will… There's gonna be a little fight between them where they will speak their minds out… what they haven't talked since they broke up. Maybe chapter 22 could be THE chapter.**

**Review please!**


	23. Unjust Magic

**A/N: Okay… first of all I want to thank you to all my reviewers… you guys rock!!!**

**This is another long chapter and (I'm sorry) this is not THE chapter… because THE chapter will be Chapter 23! I already have half of it and its way too long. It will have both points of views and there's going to be a brave Claire, an angry Jacob and a confused Nessie.**

**Like an apology for not doing THE chapter, I wrote this one from Jacob's POV! The purpose is to let you know how he feels.**

**I want to thank ****my awesome beta **_**princesskathybx**_** for the great job she did with this chapter and for her support. You're amazing, girl!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn are not mine.**

**Jane Strauss**

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_Just say yes_

_Just say there's nothing holding you back_

_It's not a test_

_Nor a trick of the mind… only love._

**Chapter 22: ****Unjust Magic**

**Jacob's POV**

I don't know what was I thinking when I told Renesmee to come and stay in my house. History proves that men never learn from their mistakes. I understand now why. I lived the hell of her rejection and here I was, in my apartment with her sleeping in my bed, filling my room with her scent. _When am I gonna learn?_

I didn't regret helping her, without planning it she helped me when I needed someone the most. I guess that is why I can't treat her bad because she didn't love me. She was never rude or selfish to me. She was my best friend after all and I had the little suspicious of that she wanted to get our friendship back.

For the last two days she had slept in my apartment, cooked me breakfast and even watched a movie together. It was never a load to have her with me but I knew the situation wasn't going anywhere good. I had a girlfriend after all and Holly was going to kill me if she'd find out, but I couldn't care less. I enjoyed Renesmee's company; more than I should but I couldn't help it. She was a lot like me and well, we were perfect for each other. But that didn't seem to be enough to keep us together.

In two days we had almost renewed our friendship. She changed a lot in the last two years, she looked more mature but not older. She changed her way of dressing into a more professional and enormously flattering outfit. Her face was another thing completely; she seemed to wear a serious mask all the time. Of course she smiled but that happiness never touched her eyes; maybe she wasn't truly happy. That pinched my heart, I was never a selfish person and I wanted her to be happy no matter what.

Unbelievable; it took her only two days to win me back and I knew it was probably because I was tired of fighting the fact I needed her in my life. Underneath all the chaos our lives became, she was my best friend since the day she learned to walk and ran with me, and I – stupidly – forgot all the fun we used to have without getting romantic in any way of course.

She seemed to enjoy my company too and I definitely could take that. Renesmee used to be a prohibited topic of discussion and that stressed me out all the time. I had never been the kind of person that could just stop talking to someone because of a fight or the kind of person that could hide from someone because of fear. Nobody here talked about her all this time and everyone seemed to think I was going to have an emotional breakdown if I heard her name.

I'm not going to lie, her rejection did fucking hurt; obviously more than Bella's but apparently that wasn't enough to kill me. I survived if I could call it that. I never got depressed because I couldn't even believe it. I believed in her, I truly believed she loved me. Everything in her it said so and she probably did love me once but something happened in the way and I didn't blame her.

I never loved someone like I loved Renesmee; she was all I ever wanted for myself and it was foolish of me to think that I was finally reaching a true happiness. Have you ever heard the saying "If you love someone set them free, if she comes back to you then always was yours, if not then she never was?"

The first weeks I thought that was what she needed. I thought she would realize that I was her best option or at least the one that loved her unconditionally. Then way passed a year, she never came back and she started dating that jerk…Esdras. That was how I realized she was never mine, not truly mine and that's was what hurt the most. Realized that I fooled myself and that last chance to be really happy was gone.

I was emotionally numb when Holly came to my life and not mentally capable to make a decision… I found myself as her boyfriend the next day. I wanted to break up with her immediately but then I thought that she couldn't cause me anymore pain. She loved me, like I always had wanted. She would do anything for me, like I always had wanted and she would chose me first like I always had wanted. But it wasn't who I would have wanted. I see the potential of a healed heart there… it would take an eternity but maybe one day the gratitude would make me love her the way she wanted.

We started off well, she was funny and loving and had a strange devotion for me but I just let her love me. The first day we kissed I wanted to push her away immediately; it wasn't disgusting but I didn't like it at all. It was a normal kiss but I practically got sick after that. I learn to disguise my nausea over time but I couldn't help to compare her to Renesmee. She was completely different from Holly; more beautiful, classier, smarter, funnier, lovelier and the list was everlasting but what do I cared? The worst that could happen was getting used to her and I did. I got used to her company and her undying love for me that I refused to see her huge defects because that only would mean another one that slipped out of my hands.

I waited patiently for the love to come but it never showed up. I don't even know why I waited or how I believed it was going to appear sooner or later. The truth was hard but was all I had. I didn't love Holly, not even a little, not even with gratitude. And at the same time she became the possessive monster we all knew she was and the thing only got worse with the Renesmee's presence. How smart of her to believe that Renesmee was a real threat to her!

But just as Holly wished for me to love her, I wished for Renesmee to love me. I guess I never talked about it with anybody but my love for Renesmee was always assumed by default since twenty one years ago. Not that someone asked either but I never said it. Of course I was still in love with her, how can you get rid of someone like her? I didn't even try; it was going to be an exhausting and useless fight that I just didn't want.

Instead, I learned how to place her memories in a safe place of my mind….a place from where they never could escape. I could literally die if it happened. It worked for a while until the night Renesmee and I listened music. I would have liked to have seen the potential disaster that the night would bring.

It was the third day since she came to sleep in my bed and Dad was recovering well and probably was going to be out of the hospital in two days. That day I went to my job for the first time since my dad's heart attack. My boss told me that my new job was ready but I probably have to move to NYC because it was the only vacant spot for the same job. I didn't know why, but I said yes. I was moving to New York in five days and nobody knew. I was happy though. My dad was on recovering and my job couldn't be better. But when I stopped thinking about that, then the sadness appeared and I knew it was because of her, because every damn second destiny was telling me that I should continue with my life that was the only thing left.

I came to my apartment and she wasn't there….probably with my dad in the hospital. I took the chance to relax and I turned the stereo on. It had been a big amount of time since the last time I gave myself the chance to relax listening music; I abandoned the music for a while because every single song remembered me about of but then I realized even the bird singing would remind me of her so I decided to take my music back. About an hour and I fell asleep in the couch and I woke up to the smell of food. My eyes opened and I saw her cooking silently, she heard the change in my heartbeats and turned around with a smile. _Why she had to smile always??_ That didn't help with my plan of self misery. Obviously the food was for me and I needed it; she cooked deliciously but I never said it… just an 'It was good' and a 'Thank you'. She didn't need to see how pathetic I was.

I went to listen to my music again and she washed the only two dishes she used. And without a warning she came to sit next me.

"I know that one," she whispered.

"Really?" I asked while trying to control my heart.

"It's from Hinder, isn't it?" she asked and I smiled and nodded. She was good. "When's heavy metal day?" she asked again.

"It was last week, you missed it," I said jokingly and she smiled.

"Billy asked for you," she said changing the topic. I turned around to see her next to me.

"I went back to my work, it took me the whole morning," I said.

"That was Rachel said," she trailed off and I heard an edge of something else in her voice. "She said that you probably have to move to NYC," I barely heard her.

"Not probably….I'm going to move to NYC in five days. My boss told me today," I was looking at my hands all the time like a fucking nervous teenager. She didn't say anything at first.

"What about Billy?" she asked.

"Rachel is here, so does Rebecca… they told me they can take care of the old man." I took the control and changed the song.

"And the pack?"

"I'm leaving Seth on charge; I'm not going for too much anyway… just until there's a vacant in the same job here and then I'll be back."

"That's good I guess," she sighed and went silent again. It was an awkward atmosphere that luckily changed when the music changed; she knew every song that came out of my stereo. _If you only realize how perfect you are for me._

We spent the whole evening listening to my music and we never got bored; she told me all the memories each song brought to her. Ones were from her childhood and the rest from when she was a teenager. I ended up telling her about my memories that were kind of the same.

Everything was cool until 'Feels like fire' by Santana & Dido came from the stereo. I used to dance that one with her all the time when we were just chilling out. I smiled involuntarily and she smiled with me; I was kind of drunk without alcohol because I didn't care that she was my ex girlfriend, I didn't care I was still I love with her and I didn't care how awkward would be… I just stood up and reached out for her. Her eyes widened when she realized what I wanted to do but she grabbed my hand anyway; I fight the urgency to drag her to my arms and just placed my hand in her waist; she placed her left hand in my shoulder and came close to me.

We still didn't know how to dance like pro but we did it pretty well; I liked that song and I knew she liked it too because she mouthed every line of it. She was looking at me and for a moment I forgot she didn't love me… I forgot all the pain and I forgot my girlfriend. I pretended that she still was mine and we were just having fun; it was so easy to do. And two things happened then. First, I felt the click in my head; I feel every damn feeling for her slip out from my safe place and they took over me. I never loved her more than that single moment in my living room… it was always going to be her; no Holly and no other woman… just Nessie. _Nessie._

My heart was fighting against me to let her know that; I couldn't even think straight and she wasn't making it easy. She continued staring at me and then she let go my hand and wrapped both of her arms around my neck; this brought her as close to me as she could get. Both of my hands went to her waist and our faces were only two inches apart. Her eyes were piercing through my soul; it was easy to guess that I lost it and to guess what I did.

I just couldn't help it; it was stronger than any other moment I had with her. This thing was stronger than the day we made love for the first time and had nothing to do with lust… just longing. I wanted her; I wanted her in the purest way that could exist. And…

I kissed her… I leaned forward and just kissed her. I never forgot how her lips tasted or the feeling about it. I thought I had only five seconds to enjoy the unbelievable feeling before she pulled away to break my heart once more but instead she moved one of her hands to the back of my head and pulled me closer to her. I was already feeling mentally numb with just the idea of her wanting this that I didn't even stop to think the consequences of my reckless.

I moved my hands from her waist and grabbed her face to stop her from pulling away. I wasn't ready to let her go. But she never tried to pull away… she was kissing me as much as I was kissing her. I didn't want to believe it but she was kissing me too because that only would hurt at the end. And with those thoughts my lips started to feel like fire… they were burning with each passed second but at the same time the wonderful sensation never disappeared.

When the burning was too much I pulled away and gasped a little. I didn't pull too much… just a few inches and I could taste me in her breath. I closed my eyes trying to analyze what I just did; I didn't want to open my eyes… I didn't want to see her pity eyes. But then I felt her warm hand in my face; I opened my eyes shocked and she was caressing my face and looking at me with eyes I could easily recognize but loving eyes were impossible at the same time.

I was about to speak and apologize but she placed her hand on my mouth and shushed me.

"Don't speak," she said and then removed her hand from my mouth and went to my room and locked the door.

_What the hell just happened?__ What I did? I knew this was going to happen! Just when I thought this couldn't get worse. I'm a grown man… then why I keep acting like a damn teenager? These are not things I would do… but she wasn't helping either. She intoxicated me!_

I walked towards the door willing to knock the door but when I was about to do it I heard her erratic heart and her shallow breaths. I tried not to let my hopes up… she was having the same reaction as me. I begged that this wasn't what I wanted to see… that my subconscious wasn't betraying me. If I had to be truthful I didn't regret kissing her… I enjoyed every second of it; she still was what I needed. How all these years didn't break the imprint??

It wasn't the imprint's purpose the continuation of the line? Why on earth I'm still in love with her?? Clearly she's not the one doing that. I hate this unjust magic.

I walked away towards my couch and buried my face in my hands. Ashamed… confused… dazzled… happy. What the hell!! I was so fucking happy that it wasn't funny and I felt like trash for being happy cheating a little on my girlfriend with my ex girlfriend and love of my life.

Why she kissed me back? Why was she doing this now? Did she regret about her decision? Or was just a game? Maybe she wanted to know if I was still drooling over her… To know if I was still at her mercy. I shook my head… she would never humiliate me like that. Why I was pretending that I didn't know her? I wish I would stop asking questions so much.

I leaned in the couch trying to calm myself and without realizing I fell asleep but I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard her opened the door. I straightened a little and she sat in the floor next to the couch. I was speechless and so was she; we stared for what felt like an eternity until she reached out and grabbed my hand. I didn't refuse because I couldn't… I didn't want to, she rubbed it and I rubbed it back and we continued staring at each other. After a while she got up and lay next to me in the couch… in my arms. The couch wasn't small but it wasn't for two people either. She buried her face in my neck and I buried my face in his hair. I wrapped my arms around her and she wrapped her arm around my waist and placed her hand in my back. Everything was so wrong but I didn't care… I wouldn't trade for anything the shorts moments I felt her mine and only mine.

I brought one of my hands to push her hair away from her face; she looked at me the moment I placed the hair behind her ear. I wanted to talk… I wanted to ask but I was afraid of ruin everything so I just caressed her cheek and she half smiled. _This is too much._ She began nuzzling my neck and I knew she was going to sleep there. Five minutes later she was asleep; for the world was in its place and didn't care if it was just for one night. I couldn't sleep… not like this. I didn't know if she was going to be in the same place the next day. But I was tired as hell; ergo… I ended up falling asleep.

I woke up the next morning and her scent was still surrounding me. I felt her breaths in my neck and I saw her still next to me. I didn't sleep well, I didn't want to wake her up and then she would realize everything was wrong and leave me again. I don't know what was happening in my mind that time but it was just great; I leaned forward and kissed her hair. She moved a little and then went still again; I laughed a little and she nuzzled my neck. _Someone please tell me what's going on! _

She woke up fully three minutes later and sat straight in the couch placing part of her back in my stomach. I watched her carefully and she was nervous and pensive. I recovered my voice then.

"What the hell it's going on?" I blurted out. She stared at me like if she wanted to know the same.

"I think we need to talk," she said looking at the floor. I sighed.

"Right now?" I asked. I had work that morning and my next promotion was hanging by a thread. But if she would have said yes I would have stayed anyway. She stared at me and smiled slightly.

"We can talk later, I'll be here when you come back," she whispered and I nodded. She got up and went to the kitchen letting me go to change for work. I did everything in automatic since all seemed to be extremely odd that day. When I was ready I could smell the pancakes outside. She made me breakfast and it was delicious, it was totally awkward but it was going to be like that until we could talk. I left to my work fifteen minutes later.

I spent the entire day in my work absent minded. I was excited and worried and everything was a mess in my mind. It was two o'clock when Holly called me; I doubted if answer it or not but I did it finally.

"Hey, sweetie! What were you doing? You let the phone ring too much!" _So what?_

"I was busy," Just there, with my ear on the phone, my mind began thinking about Nessie.

"Oh, sorry then. Should I call you later?" _Yes!_

"No, it's okay," _I would appreciate if you don't call in the rest of the day._

"It's just I'm bored. Your sister took me, Claire and…..Renesmee on a shopping trip to Seattle." I began paying attention when she said Nessie's name.

"A shopping trip for what?"

"She said there were some big sales with discounts in the stores by the south of Seattle. I wanted to say no thank you but I thought it was going to be very rude of me," I rolled my eyes. I didn't know her pretty well but I knew she went because Nessie went and didn't want to let her alone with Rachel.

"And why are you bored? It's a mall," I said.

"Well, your sister went immediately to a baby store, Claire is in a bookstore and Renesmee and I are not big friends besides she's with this guy… her boyfriend. He just appeared here in the mall to surprise her… what a detail! Come on!."

_I'm a fucking idiot._

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**I think you can guess that Nessie is as sur****prised as us right now! That's not a good thing for Nessie's plan.**

**Remember… Chapter 23 will be THE chapter!**

**The lyrics at the beginning are from Snow Patrol's new song **_**Just Say Yes. **_**Awesome song!**

**Please review and I'll send ****you a small preview of Claire and Jacob's big conversation! Oops! I said too much ;D**


	24. Part I: Damaged Soul

**A/N: I wanna thank you to everyone!! I got twenty review****s for the last chapter… it's my new record haha thank you!**

**Thanks to my awesome beta **_**princesskathybx**_** for her amazing job. You rock girl!**

**So… here's chapter 23 part I! Read it and then go to read my second A/N at the end of the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn**

**Jane Strauss**

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_All that I'm asking for _

_Is that you need nothing more_

_And nothing comes in between _

_Our love is fragile, see._

**Chapter 23 (RPOV)**** Part I: Damaged Soul**

I didn't push it, I didn't even think about it and suddenly….he kissed me. I remembered that song, it was one of my favorites and I always danced it with Jacob. I felt butterflies when he asked me to dance with him that night. I wanted to cry even and we danced well until the atmosphere became heavy. He was breathing shallowly and each one of his breaths hit my face. He was getting me dizzy in the best way I could imagine.

I couldn't think straight and without realizing we were kissing, he kissed me and I kissed him back. All my body hurt when we kissed but I wanted nothing more. I hadn't realized how much I needed him until the moment I felt I would have died if we would separate. He grabbed my face strongly and pulled me closer to him if it was even possible. _This has to mean something! Please!_

I didn't want him to speak because I knew he would apologize for what happened and I didn't want him to be sorry. I didn't want to hear that was mistake. I wanted to hear that he kissed me because he wanted to do it, that he kissed me because he still loved me. I was sure if I gave him time he would accept that he still loved me because that was what I felt, I felt his love for me. I went to his room and tried to calm myself but it didn't work, three hours later and I was still very awake and anxious. I went to watch Jacob sleep but he couldn't sleep either. I ended up in his arms and he didn't push me away. I hadn't been this happy in years. We agreed to talk later about what was happening. I knew what I was going to tell him, I was going to tell the truth. _The entire truth._

I went to see Billy that same morning; he was successfully recovering and was ready to leave the hospital. I sat next to him in his bed while he was having breakfast.

"I like to see you smiling," he said and I smiled even more. "Can I know what caused it?" I blushed and let my face fall. "It could be my son, maybe?" he asked and I lifted my head, bit my lip and nodded. "So the rumors are true," he said and I stared at him curious.

"What rumors?" I asked amusingly.

"Those ones that say you're still in love with Jacob," I smiled wider then…that was Seth's doing. I nodded again. "Then what happened two years ago, Nessie?" he asked serious this time. I went serious too and shook my head slightly. I wanted to tell everything to Jacob first.

"I rather explain it to Jacob first," Billy nodded. "Though, I never stopped loving him, Billy." That was the main thing I wanted Billy to know.

"I'm not judging you Nessie" he said sounding apologetic.

"I know, Billy." I said and I felt my eyes begin to water. "I'm not even sure if I should tell him." That was true, I knew I was going to tell him but I wasn't sure if I should. Sure he wasn't going to smile and tell me "It's okay. I'm not mad". Either he would get angry or he would tell me that he didn't want me anymore. Or both.

"Whatever it is, he deserves to know," I looked at him and he was encouraging me. I just smiled and ten minutes later he fell asleep and I went to the waiting room and saw Rachel, Rebecca, Claire and….Holly.

"Hey, Nessie!" Rachel greeted me and came to my side. "We are going to Seattle, wanna come?" she asked. I wasn't in the mood for trips but I had nothing better to do.

"To do what?" I asked.

"Shopping," she said like if it was something obvious. I rolled my eyes; it was going to be a long evening but at least would help me to pass the time until I could talk with Jacob. I accepted and then I realized that Holly was coming too. _Great!_

The trip was long since I only talked to Rachel and Claire, Claire only talked to Rachel and I, Holly only talked to Rachel and Rachel was so uncomfortable that didn't want to talk too much. We made it to Seattle by midday and Rachel ran immediately to a baby store….figures.

I began talking with Claire about what I was going to do and she was happy to know that I was finally going to tell him. Holly seemed to be all distracted and disinterested, just walking through stores without really looking at anything. I went to a bookstore with Claire and we were looking for new interesting books when I smelled it.

My senses became totally aware when the vampire smell hit my nose, I turned around trying to find him or her but I saw nothing and the smell seemed distant. Claire was really into her things so I just left the bookstore momentarily and tried to find the vampire. _A vampire in a mall? Why? _I walked towards the big windows on the second store of the mall. At first I saw nothing but cars since I was staring at the parking lot but then when I paid attention I saw him and my heart dropped.

Esdras was staring at me while leaning over a car….smiling. My whole body went rigid and a cool shiver ran down my spine; I was never really afraid of Esdras because he was a human that I could easily take down but now I was sure I wasn't going to be able to do that. I saw him begin to walk towards the mall and my brain warned me that I couldn't let him enter to the mall being a new born. I turned around hopeful to find Claire but she was still in the bookstore. Without thinking it twice I went to the parking lot and ran into him before he could get near the principal door. I truly saw him then; he was now incredibly gorgeous, pale and indestructible. His now light brown eyes were the combination of red eyes and green contacts, though they were still beautiful. He reached the perfection that he hadn't before.

"Esdras," I whispered. "What are you doing here?" I stuttered.

"What do you think, Renesmee?" even his voice was melodious. "You weren't answering your phone. I thought something happened to you." He was using his charming skills on me but it only made me more nervous and sick. I guess that didn't change, _I'm_ _still not interested._

"I can take care of myself," I said with angry tone. "And this is definitely not a place for you to be at."

"I think that applies for you too, my dear." Ugh! How I hated when someone called me like that. "I thought I made clear that you couldn't be anywhere near the wolf. I left for five months and you already broke most of the rules."

"It's not what you think," now I was scared.

"It's not one of your friends… _his_ sister?" he pointed with his chin towards the mall and I let my face fall.

"His father, Billy," I took a deep breath. "He suffered a heart attack four days ago and everyone though he was going to die; I just came to say goodbye to him. But he recovered," Was all I said.

"And why I didn't know about your guilt trip?" he asked. _Jerk._

"I know our deal, Esdras. I came for Billy and just him," I lied.

"Well, then," he smiled and came closer to me. "If you say the man is okay now, then we can go back to Chicago." This kind of things only happened to me. Just when I was about… and now I probably would never say anything. "Or there's another reason for you to stay?" Something happened then, I saw my dreams pass in front of me and fade away. I saw the picture of my family began to disappear… Jacob and my son were staring at me from my mind and I felt like a failure and I was losing them because of my cowardliness. I let the self misery drown me for a while and when I came back to the surface I wasn't the Renesmee I had been before. I felt rage, anger and determination. _Who you think you are to take away what I want the most? Why I have to give up on things because you say so? Why I have to obey you? _I lifted my face from the floor.

"No," I said straight. "Of course there's nothing else for which I have to stay," I said and if he had been a smart vampire he sure would had notice the vicious tone in my voice. He could be a new born, as perfect as he wanted to be and the strongest one but there were a lot of things that he needed to learn about being a vampire… a lot of things he needed to learn before coming to threaten me.

"Then I'm going to buy you a ticket to Chicago for tomorrow at midday," he smiled and I knew he wasn't asking. _Perfect, then. _"I have to go back to Chicago tonight," he said caressing my cheek. "But I'll be waiting for you in the airport tomorrow. Don't let me down." He came to kiss my cheek with his cold lips and then went to my ear. "Don't break the rules, my dear." I smiled at him as if I didn't want to rip his head off. He looked straight above my head towards the second store of the mall and smiled at me. "You're friends are waiting for you," and I turned around to see Holly watching me and talking by the phone and I saw Claire behind her with panicked eyes. When I turned back, Esdras was leaving towards the parking lot.

I ran immediately inside the mall and reunited with Claire, she hugged me without asking. I wanted to cry and scream but I couldn't. I didn't want to be there anymore but we just got there, the evening went painfully slow and I was counting the seconds until I could see Jacob and spit everything out. Three hours later we left and the moment we got to Rachel's house I left straight away towards Jacob's apartment. My heart constricted when I saw his truck outside. It was the moment of the truth.

I opened the door slowly and I didn't see him right away. I searched around and he wasn't in the kitchen either. I paid attention to the heartbeats and I knew he was in his room and I waited patiently for him to come out but he never did. I knocked the door to know if he was okay. I heard his footsteps behind getting close and then I saw him in front of me. _My heart stopped like always._

"Hi," I said shyly. His face was strong and hard stone. Something was wrong and I knew it. He passed me in the doorway and went to the kitchen. I followed him and saw him open the fridge looking for food. I was trying to grow the required guts to talk.

"When are you leaving?" he asked suddenly harsh without looking at me. I felt like if the last thread of hope was finally cut.

"What?" I asked though I heard him perfectly. _Don't cut my wings, Jake._

"I talked with my boss today and he told me I have to leave tomorrow to NYC and well… I want to know when you are leaving." He said coldly.

"I thought we had an outstanding conversation," I whispered with my face looking at the floor.

"Ah, yeah. Well… it's not a big deal, Renesmee. I don't know what happened last night but it can't happen again." He said and shattered the last pieces of my heart. "I….have a girlfriend and I don't want to lose her. I would appreciate if you don't mention it to anyone."

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked with the biggest knot in my throat. _I don't care… it's already broken._

"You're still as gorgeous as always. I can't resist you, Renesmee… I'm a man," _You didn't say that, Jacob. You didn't mean it. Please say you didn't mean it._

"I'm sorry for bothering you all this time. I just wanted to see Billy and well, I did it." I was really fighting back the tears and he was staring back at me, telling me everything with his eyes. I sighed. "I'll leave as soon as he goes back to his house." I whispered completely defeated.

"I can take care of that" he said and walked towards the door and grabbed his keys. "There's no need for you to wait" and he walked out of the apartment. I never knew how a stab in the chest felt until that day. His words stabbed my chest so hard that I wanted to scream my lungs out….scream my heart out. I felt so stupid. While I was filling myself with Jacob's presence, he was wishing for me to leave. I totally understood, I made him suffer and I was still making him suffer. I came back when the wound was feeling numb, not healing but at least it didn't hurt. _Your wish is my command._

I left the house, in automatic. I didn't realize what I was doing or where was I going but I couldn't stay there any longer. Not when he didn't want me there. I couldn't leave La Push either, I didn't say goodbye to Billy. I decided to wait until the next day to say goodbye to him, but I was staying in the woods or where ever but Jacob's house. I wouldn't go back somewhere I wasn't welcomed.

It was so cold and the air was wet but I brought a jacket and that had to do the job meanwhile. I ran for an hour into the forest. The whole forest was the same, obviously there weren't comfortable places so I just picked a three and sat there with my back resting against the frustum. I began sobbing and feeling miserable for hundredth time since I came back to La Push. _That was what I needed to hear, what would stop my stubbornness and what would open my eyes. Not everybody in this world wants you, Renesmee! There are people you hurt._

Two hours passed and the jacket was half wet and the cold was taking over me. But I couldn't go back. Maybe I was overreacting but I knew that Jacob did mean it and I already ruined his life enough. I was devastated with the fact that he was going to move to New York. It was a normal decision but it was the end of the world for me because I just knew that I wasn't going to see him again. Every time I thought about it; my mind entered, automatically, to a frozen stage. I couldn't think, or feel. The cool disappeared then and I could close my eyes very, very slow.

I didn't remember how much time passed but I remember feeling someone lifting me from the floor. The right moment his skin touched mine and I felt the warm, my body came back from the numbness and began shaking uncontrollably. I was too cold and I was feeling a different kind of numbness, the one that comes from the cold. The skin was feeling unbelievable hot and it was helping me a lot. I couldn't open my eyes because of the cold and the tiredness but I did feel someone was hugging me and I remembered hearing a fast heartbeat. All I could do then was grasp my hand to the warm bare chest. I began shaking more violently.

"_Shh, Ness. It's okay. I'm sorry."_

The last sentence remained in my brain. I knew that voice. I would go to the end of the world following that voice. _Jacob. _He found me… like always. I thought for a moment that my crappy plan was ruined; _so much for staying away, Renesmee._ But then he hugged me tighter and I could care less what was I thinking. After a couple of minutes I heard another voice.

"_Oh, God. You found her! Where was she?" _It was Rachel's voice.

"_In the middle of the woods". _Despite the new voice, Jacob didn't stop walking and shortly after I felt the air around me, getting warm and Jacob's scent filling the atmosphere. I felt something soft and warm in the back part of my body.

"_I'll change her into some dry clothes. You wait outside." _I heard a door getting closed and Rachel took off my wet jacket and shirt, altogether with my pants. I heard her going through drawers and then she slid new clothes on my body that smelled like Jacob. She pulled the cover under me and placed it over me. I heard the door open again.

"_I have to go back with Dad. Are you sure you can do this?"_ I didn't hear anything in response. "_Well… I'll come back in the morning, then." _I felt an average warm hand in my forehead. "_Don't ruin it, Jacob. You're leaving tomorrow… I bet you can stand this". _Aah… there it was… the excruciating pain. Her steps faded away until I heard a far door being closed. Then I felt it, some warm and big presence in front of me, at the same level of my face. I wanted so badly to open my eyes, because I knew that Jacob was in front of me and really close. But I couldn't… I couldn't open my eyes or hand my mouth; my body wasn't obeying me. I felt a warm in my cheek.

"_I'm so sorry, Nessie". _He whispered and I realized he was calling me by my nickname again. Not the harsh _Renesmee._

"_This is my entire fault." _I felt him caressing my temple. "_I never meant for you to leave. I didn't realize what I was saying. I'm sorry". _He continued caressing my face. "_I didn't mean a thing of what I told you. I was just being strong and stupid. But it's just… you don't know how hard this is going to be for me_." He took a deep breath.

"_I'm opening my heart one last time, Nessie". _I heard him take a deep breath._ "I kissed you because I wanted to do it… because I still fucking love you, Ness... with every tired beat of my heart"._ He trailed off and grabbed one of my hands._ "You don't know what I would give just to feel that you love me again or what I would do for you just to love me a little bit of the tons I love you"_

"_I'm sorry for all the bad I treated you, but I thought that if I treated you like that…it wouldn't hurt but I noticed then it always will hurt. And that no matter what I do, it's always going to be like that because you're permanently attached to my heart. You're the most important thing for me and I just wanted you to know… even if you're sleeping. I should tell you this later, when you can hear me but I'm not going to be able to stand your eyes." _

"_Ah, Ness. I hope that one day you'll find someone that loves you like you want. I really hope you can be happy. That the memory of my broken heart doesn't haunt you anymore. You still love me enough to feel guilty for this… but you can let me go now. I took a decision that is the best for me and it's the course of the nature. I don't have a reason to stay here, I don't even have a reason to be a wolf anymore."_

"_You made me so happy. A year was better than nothing. I sound pathetic, I know, but I'm not going to see you anymore, not after tomorrow. And I guess the last thing left it's that even if I don't see you again, even if I don't hear about you again; you're always going to be the best thing that happened to me and you're always going to be the love of my life. I'm going to remember you even in my wheel chair and I'm going to love you until my last thought of sanity. I'm always going to thank to whomever up there for letting me know you and thank you for letting me love you."_

Forget what I said about the knives' sensation before… the words of my Jacob were like bullets going through my skin and directly to my heart. _What I put him through? I hurt him so deep and ended his future and he… he still loves me._

_I love you too, my love. You don't have to wish it; you don't have to dream it… because I already love you more than anything… more than our first kiss. I love you more than our first year together, more than our first night._

I was wished for him to know that and I would have been so easy to project my thoughts but he let go my hand then and started caressing my face. I was saving these moments in my memory.

After an hour I heard his steady breathing and a slight snoring. I wanted to wake up and caress his amazing face at least now that he was asleep but I couldn't. Instead, I began to feel heavy and tired.

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**A/N2: I finished chapter 23 last week but is very very long. I know that doesn't matter but it doesn't follow the length pattern I had followed always. I decided altogether with my beta (and because is too much work for her too) to split the chapter 23 in two parts. I'll have the second part up by Thursday.**

**Don't hate me guys… there's no more teasing… good things are coming! Love is coming!**

**R&R please!**


	25. Black's Heart and Cullen's Love

**A/N: I'm really sorry for the delay guys! I was out of the town for**** a couple of days… personal reasons hahaha (so Edward!) Naah actually weretechnical reasons…. But finally here it is!!!**

**This is from Jacob's POV and I really hope you guys like it! **

**I wanted to ask you guys if someone knows how to do a banner for this story… I just don't know how to do one and I was expecting you could help me with that… pleaseee! ;D I would really appreciate it.**

**I had a play list for this chapter… five songs that helped me to write it and I would like for you to listen them while reading! Here's the list.**

_**Fix You **__**– Coldplay**_

_**Pieces –Red**_

_**Dear Agony – Breaking Benjamin**_

_**All that I'm asking for – Lifehouse**_

_**Angels On The Moon – Thriving Ivory**_

**Thanks to my beta**_** princesskathybx **_**for her great job!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight/NewMoon/Eclipse/BreakingDawn**

**Jane Strauss**

* * *

_Guess this means you're sorry  
You're standing at my door  
Guess this means you __take back  
All you said before _

_  
__Then I see your face_

_I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought __I lost before  
You call my name_

_I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole_

_**WARNING: THIS IS **__**THE CHAPTER! **_

**Chapter 23 ****Part II (JPOV): Black's Heart and Cullen's Love**

I woke up with the sun in my face and with Nessie sleeping by my side in the same position from last night. This was going to be my last day in La Push. Billy was coming out of the hospital and Rebecca was staying in La Push to take care of him between her and Rachel. I have to admit both were very supportive of me. My plane to NYC was leaving at eight pm and my first day of work was going to be in two days.

Holly was mad since I didn't consider her before making my decision. Of course I didn't consider her, this was my business and only mine. We fought last night like we normally do, twice a week, but then Claire called me asking for Nessie and letting me know she was missing. I didn't think twice about it and left Holly with her verbiage. I knew her absence was my fault. I found her in the middle of the woods; all drenched and lifeless. _Mistake after mistake._

I spoke my heart out last night. I was a way to tell myself that I needed to let her go and because I wasn't going to open my heart again….to anyone. It contents belonged to Renesmee and only her and nobody was going to touch my heart again.

I reluctantly left her side, but not before enjoying the feeling one last time. This was probably going to be the last time I would see her. It couldn't be more painful but that was how things worked. I couldn't help it and I leaned in and kissed her cheek. That was the closest I was going to get near her lips again. I stood up and went to change my clothes. I wanted to take a shower but I knew she'd hear me and I didn't want to wake her up, it was easier this way. Without seeing her eyes.

I got out of my apartment and found Rachel in the main door of the building.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I have to arrange some things in my work before leaving," I said closing the building door.

"Where's Nessie?"

"She's still sleeping," I said walking to my truck with her following me.

"Do you guys talked?" _Aw! It was so hard for her to understand._

"I talked," I told her.

"What did she tell you?"

"Nothing, she was asleep. She has been asleep since you left" I sighed.

"And that's it?" she asked. Why did Rachel keep thinking that behind Nessie's and my break up was a misunderstanding that could be solved?

"That's it" I opened my truck. "At what time is Dad living the hospital?" I asked.

"By this afternoon," I nodded.

"I'll be back in two hours and I'm going to the hospital to say goodbye to him. I have to leave La Push by three if I want to get to the airport on time." I said to Rachel and she nodded sadly and I kissed her forehead.

I had a mini party at my job. Everyone congratulated me for my new job in NY and I even had a couple of presents. I drove back to La Push and straight to the hospital. I was praying that Nessie wasn't there. I walked through the door and saw my sisters chatting and when both saw me their pleasant faces faded away, being replaced for sorry and sympathy for me. _Great!_

I greeted both and after a while I went to see Billy. He had a much better face.

"How's it going, old man?" he turned around to watch me and then smiled.

"I have been better," I entered the room and went to sit in front of him in his bed.

"You're going back home," I told him and he nodded.

"I'm sick of this hospital," he laughed and I smiled. We remained silent for some seconds.

"I'm leaving this afternoon," I said without looking at him.

"That's what Rachel told me." We went silent again. "Do you think I'm upset about it?" I lifted my eyes from the sheets. "I am not, Jacob. This is your opportunity and I'm glad you took it." I smiled. "I want you here for Christmas and New Year, though," he told me serious and I nodded.

"Thank you, Dad," I told him.

"I'm almost proud of you, son," he told me and I didn't understand.

"Almost?" I asked amused.

"Don't you think there's still one thing left?" he asked and I knew what he meant.

"I don't think there's something left about that, Dad. Everything's clear." I said.

"If everything's clear, then why are you running away from her?"

"She said she doesn't love me and I'm moving on, why's that so wrong?" I asked him quietly. I heard him sigh.

"Did she say that yesterday?" he asked and I arched a brow. _What did he know about yesterday?_

"She said nothing yesterday." I whispered.

"She loves you, Jacob." I laughed humorlessly at my dad's words.

"Well, that wasn't what she said two years ago," How can I make my dad understand?

"But she did say it five days ago and yesterday," My eyes widened but remained silent. "She thought I was sleeping and she apologized for waiting so long to come to visit me. She cried and told me that I couldn't die and that I had to resist for you and your sisters. She asked for my forgiveness because I was dying and I couldn't see you happy and it was because of her. And she explained everything." My dad stopped there. _This is not happening to me_. Billy wanted me to talk to her but this was a low maneuver.

"I know she does love me in some way, Dad. She could never hate me, she's too good for that." I wanted the conversation to end that right moment.

"You don't know what she's carrying, Jacob. You would understand her if you only knew."

"Knew what?" I asked and then I heard a fast heartbeat.

"I can explain that," I heard a female voice. I turned around and saw Claire standing in the door frame. Claire seemed very nervous but determined at the same time. I stood there motionless. "Can we talk outside?" Claire asked and I nodded. I was feeling really uneasy, apparently Nessie was going through something and that made me anxious automatically. I turned around to face Billy and he nodded to me. I began walking to the door and then down the aisle. We went outside the hospital. I stopped near to my truck and looked at Claire letting her know that I was listening.

"I'm doing this because she's my best friend and because I think she's making the biggest mistake of her life," Anxiety was growing and growing.

"Talk, Claire," I said and she sighed.

"Two years ago… the day she moved on from her old room, she found Esdras waiting for her in the aisle. He confessed to her that he worked for the Volturi," Claire paused as my stomach fell to the floor. "He told her that his purposes for being near her was to watch her and inform to his bosses what she was doing. They found out about you and Nessie and they ordered her to break up with you. But she refused at first and they told her that they could kill you and the whole pack if they wanted. That weekend you mysteriously got hurt in a fight during your shift. Do you remember?" Claire asked me but I couldn't answer. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. "They used mental terrorism and blackmailed her, Jacob. She was frightened with the idea of losing you because of what she is and she decided that you were much better away from her. She decided to have you away rather than dead. She has been their toy for the past two years….a real hell Jacob! And with Esdras following her everywhere, he even appeared yesterday in the mall to threaten her again. But she's enduring everything because of the infinite love she has for you and like if that wasn't enough… she had to swallowed that love and stand your behavior towards her. How could you tell her those things? She doesn't deserve it… not after all she has been doing for you."

It couldn't be. She couldn't be talking seriously. Something in my chest was being crushed and I felt my blood began to boil… _Ness…_ That was all I could think.

"Do you still love her, Jacob?" she asked me daring me to lie to her. I nodded. "Do you believe in second chances?" I stared at her blankly and nodded again. "Because you're about to lose the last one you have"

_She… she still… loves me._ My heart was pumping so hard and I began feel dizzy. My breath increased and my hands hurt.

"Please, tell me you're not lying," I said panting.

"I wouldn't lie with something like that," she said. _That son of a bitch!_

"Where is she?" I needed to see her… I needed to kill him!

"I don't know, but Rachel told me she came an hour ago to say goodbye to Billy," I closed my eyes trying to register that. _No, no, no. She can't leave…not now._

"I have to go," I said and Claire nodded. "Thank you," I said and went running to my truck. A complete mixture of feelings took over me. But the biggest one was ecstasy. _She loves me. She still loves me. _I had a lot of things to do but at the same time I couldn't think about anything that moment. My mind was in the same purpose, finding her. My first guess was the Cullen's house. I parked a little far from the house and saw Seth's truck was in the driveway. After a couple of minutes I saw him come out of the house carrying a small suitcase. He smelled the air and lifted his head and saw me. He stood there while I walked towards the house. I heard slight footsteps coming from the house and I turned around towards the door and I saw _my _Nessie walking out of the house with her jacket. She stopped dead on tracks when she saw me and we stared at each other for a long minute but she broke our gaze and walked to Seth's truck.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked and she froze again in her place. Her eyes widened.

"I have to be in the airport in two hours," she said looking at the floor. _No, Ness look at me. _

"Please?" I whispered, she sighed and went inside the house. I turned around and took the suitcase from Seth's hand.

"You'll drive her?" he asked barely audible and I smiled.

"She's not going anywhere," I told him and his eyes widened. I walked inside the house. I dropped the suitcase in the couch and I heard her fast heart. I saw her in the kitchen, leaned over the counter and breathing heavily. I walked towards her and stopped in front of her. She wasn't staring at me.

"I talked with Claire," I said and she continued breathing heavily. I sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked breathing as heavy as her. She turned around wide eyed and when she saw my angry face her heart skipped. She understood I knew.

"I tried yesterday but you laughed at me," she said as defiantly as me. I remembered what I told her yesterday and that made me feel like a jerk from the beginning but now it was worse.

"And the past two years?" I shut my eyes trying to control my rage. She remained silent and that drove me insane. "You couldn't find a fucking minute to tell me?" Upset didn't even describe my condition. "Why did you do this to me, Renesmee!?" I raised my voice and tears began filling her eyes.

"As impossible as it sounds I did it for you, Jacob." She said sobbing but still strong.

"That's a miserable excuse!" I shouted this time. She went silent again. "Do you have you idea how much time I spent suffering for you?"

"I do have idea," she whispered.

"If you do then why did you keep doing it? Why did you decided for me?" I asked quietly this time.

"They hurt you, Jacob. Ask me that again when you see the one you love bleeding to death because of you," she raised her voice now and her words shocked me. "I saw you lying on the floor, Jacob… you were about to die because I disobeyed. And for me that's enough reason" My eyes began to water too.

"You killed me, Renesmee. You killed my will to live. You should have let them kill me that day" I whispered and she closed her eyes as if in pain. "At least I would have died knowing I protected you instead of feeling useless and betrayed like now." I said resentful.

"I didn't know what else to do Jacob, but you're alive. I guess not everything I did was wrong." _How can she think that? Everything she did was wrong! I wasn't painted on a wall; she should have come to me. She promised it! _I was feeling sick again, I turned around and leaned over the sink.

"I know I disappointed you, Jacob, way before this but I wish you could understand. Not forgive me, only understand." she paused. "I don't care what people want me to do" I stared at my hands and sighed. "I love you, Jacob." _She said it _"Hard to believe now but its always has been true. As simple as it sounds but I don't have other excuse. I don't have another reason for what I did. Look at me, Jacob," she asked me and my heart hurt. I couldn't look at her. "Please," she whispered and I turned around slowly and stared at her. "Love implies sacrifice and I'm not afraid to look at your beautiful eyes now and finally I'm not afraid to tell you how much I love you. Nobody can touch me now… nothing can hurt me more… game over" she whispered and then I saw her place something small in the counter. "This is yours," she said and took a deep breath "I'm sorry, Jacob. I'm sorry I lied to you and I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry I made everything wrong and for all the pain I caused you. Believe me it was unconsciously done," I heard her sigh. "Goodbye, Jake and good luck," She walked away then. I walked to the counter and took what was there, the promise ring I gave to her attached to a silver chain.

She said it. I didn't hear it from someone else this time. _No matter what you did, my princess nothing can make me love you less._ I ran to the principal door and I saw her about to open it.

She opened the door but I closed it from behind her and pressed myself to her body and buried my face in her hair. She began breathing shallowly; I pulled one of her shoulders and made her turn around to face me. She couldn't watch me in the eye as I was staring down at her; she placed her forehead in my chest and I tried to steady my heart. I wrapped my arms around her so tight that I felt I was about to merge with her; she wrapped her arms around me too.

_Don't let me go, Jacob. Please… I don't want to go __back to Chicago. Please… I'm so scared._

_Oh God, Ness. What he did to you?_I began shaking and then thinking about the damned bloodsucker and his nerve. How did he dare to mess up with Nessie? To mess up with me?! I wanted to kill him… rip him piece by piece. I was in the middle of my hate speech when I felt Nessie's arms unwrapped off me and I felt a heat in my chest that came from her. I grabbed her face with both of my hands and pressed my forehead against hers and she closed her eyes tight. "I'm the one who's sorry, Nessie. I should have protected you. I shouldn't have let him come anywhere near you. I shouldn't have told you those things." I said sobbing and made her look at me. "Don't leave me, Nessie," I begged. "I can't lose you again" I cried harder this time but I didn't care and she sobbed with me. "I don't care what you did. I don't care what happened that day two years ago. I just care about you, Ness. As long as you love me then I don't have anything to forgive you for." My mind was in a daze and everything was so confusing but my feelings for her had never been clearer. "I love you," I whispered and kissed her forehead. "I love you," I whispered again and kissed both eyelids and I felt her shiver. "I missed you" I said and finally kissed her lips. Not every kiss from the same person is the same and not each one means the same. This one kiss… right now… meant that she was above everything to me and that I was choosing her again. I would chose her every time if she asked me to but for some reason I knew this was the last time I would have to do it.

I pressed her against the door afraid she would escape again though I knew she wouldn't. It had been a long time since the last time I kissed this carelessly. We kissed two days ago but it wasn't the same, nowhere near the same. I didn't know what was going on then and she wanted to know if I still loved her. Everything's different now. She knew I still loved her and I knew that she was going to be really mine from now on.

She pulled me closer with her little hands in my back and I chuckled slightly in her mouth. She smiled too and I let her face go to wrap my arms around her waist and lifted her to my level. She moved her arms to place them around my neck. I couldn't drag my lips away from her but that wasn't a problem for me but eventually we pulled away for air. I rested my forehead in hers again.

"And I'm not disappointed in you," I said after catching my breath. "I would have done the same." She smiled at me and I kissed her again.

_I love you__. _I heard in my mind. I couldn't control and pulled away.

"You really do?" I asked her jokingly.

"Until my last thought of sanity," she said with a huge smile and my eyes widened. She heard me; she heard what I said yesterday while she was 'sleeping'. I smiled as wide as her.

"You heard me," I whispered and she nodded. I went serious then. "And yet you were about to leave?" I said.

"You said those things yesterday and um… Esdras called me this morning to tell me better not be thinking about staying or spilling the truth because I already knew what he could do," she said looking at the floor. My appeased mind went insane again. "And then you came and told me you knew the truth and I thought that probably my lies made you forget what you said." She whispered the last two words.

"Really?" I asked incredulous and she shuddered.

"I began thinking that when you said you would have preferred they killed you," she said and tears appeared in her eyes. I took her in my arms completely and she buried her face in my chest.

"I'm sorry, Ness. I shouldn't have said that but I was very angry and frustrated. It wasn't your fault, I was angry with myself and my idiocy. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate what you did for me, just… don't do it again, okay?" I caressed her hair. "I want to be the man here" I said and she chuckled slightly in my chest and then nodded lifting her face and starred at me. For a couple of minutes we just enjoyed each other eyes and then I kissed her quickly.

_Now you know the truth and I know you'll help me but maybe I should go back for a while until we can figure out something. I don't want to but I feel thousand times safer now you know everything._ She pushed into my mind. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

"You're not going anywhere, Ness," I said looking at her in the eyes. I saw her about to protest. "And I hope you know that's out of discussion," I was still serious and without noticing I used my Alpha tone.

"But Esdras' gonna be waiting for me in the airport," she said and I laughed.

"Do you think I'm scared of him?"

"Not him, the Volturi," she said and I heard a scared tone.

"I don't give a fuck about them either, Ness!" I raised my voice a little and she had hesitation in her eyes. "Let me take care of that," I asked for her trust and she shook her head frantically.

"I can take care of it for a while, Jacob. Esdras is annoying but isn't a bad person, he's just doing his job. I can come over frequently to see you," she said.

"Are you really expecting me to accept that?" I asked her and her face held a lot of frustration. I kissed her forehead. "Let me take care of it," I asked her for her confidence again. She was having a hard time deciding whether or not accept my decision. I was containing a laugh because she really was having a debate in her head.

"And what about New York?" she asked with fear. I smiled.

"What do you think?" I arched an eyebrow.

"This is really big for you, Jacob. You can't waste it," she didn't even believe her own words.

"Why are you so eager to get rid of me?" I said playfully. She looked at me shocked and then shook her head. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to make this work," I said matter of fact. I began caressing her hair. "Stop worrying about that bloodsucker or the Volturi or New York. Think about me, about us." I said and she lifted her face from the floor.

"I'm always thinking about you," she said and I smiled. The last time I smiled this much was two years ago. I kissed her again, slow but passionate. She woke up things that were asleep since long time ago. I wanted to make love to her right then but there were still too much healing process in front of us. We were kind of back together but we weren't as perfect as before. We suffered a lot and I wanted time to enjoy her without being sexual. She hugged me and I was about to explode with all the happiness and joy.

_So… you're not going anywhere? _She asked in my mind. I shook my head in her neck and she felt it. _And I'm not going anywhere? _I laughed and shook my head again.

* * *

It was seven o'clock pm in my alarm clock. I was in my bed in my apartment and it was completely dark outside. I was about to believe everything was a dream but then I felt something warm around my waist. I followed it with my hand and I realized it was an arm… an arm around my waist. I sniffed the air and I knew it wasn't a dream. My room smelled all like Nessie. I turned around carefully and found the reason of my existence sleeping next to me. We came back from her house and we fell asleep almost immediately; weird thing since we both slept good last night.

I caressed her face and took her hand gently. She was dreaming about me. How did I survive so much time without this? I let go her hand. Though I liked to see her dreams, I knew it was a privacy invasion. I missed my flight and she yours but like I said, I was going to do whatever it takes to make us work.

I heard my cell phone vibrate in my night stand. I turned around and grabbed it. I had seven missed calls from Rachel, three from Seth and twenty six from Holly. _Holly… I almost forgot about her. Almost. _I stood up, carefully and went to my terrace and called Rachel. I wasn't calling Holly for all the money of the world.

_Jacob?_

"Yeah, it's me," I said.

"_Where are you? Where's Nessie?"_ she raised the voice.

"Ssh," I said.

"_Answer me, Jacob,"_ she was mad.

"I'm in my house," I said and she was silent. "I was sleeping but your messages woke me up."

"_Is she with you? Did you guys…?"_ she trailed off suggestively.

"What?" I asked. I was laughing.

"_Seth told me he left you to talk with her. What happened?" _

"How's dad?" I asked and heard her snort in frustration.

"_He has been asking for you,__ if you left or talked with Nessie,"_ she said.

"Tell him I'll be there tomorrow in the morning," I told her.

"_Is Nessie there?_ She wasn't going to let it go.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Rachel." I said shortly and hung up. I entered my room and Nessie was curled in her side, maybe cold. I walked towards her and hugged her. She unconsciously turned around to face me and placed her hand in my chest. I kissed her forehead and she stirred and opened her eyes.

"Hello Mr. Alpha," she said and I smiled.

"Hello," I said and kissed her pulling her closer to my body.

"It's really late," she said.

"I don't know why but I was pretty tired though I sleep last night," I said and she smiled.

"You slept in the floor," she caressed my forehead and my cheeks. "But I don't have excuse." We both laughed and then her eyes widened in shock.

"Oh God, Billy" she trailed off.

"I talked with Rachel a moment ago and she told me Billy's okay, he just has been asking for us. I promised her to go in the morning," I explained.

"Sure thing," she said and kissed me. We kissed for a good half an hour more and then she stood up. I was about to ask what was wrong when she spoke. "You… you have a girlfriend," she whispered and my mind hurt. _Holly… Holly… I wish I could erase her from my mind._ "Don't misunderstand me, Jake. I love kissing you but I don't feel quite right about this. I hate her and I'm not hiding it but I know what is to be in love and everyone is totally helpless at it. As sick and mad as she is but she still loves you, really loves you."

"I know, Ness. I understand and you're right. I have to fix this and I'll do it as soon as possible." I said truly. I was hoping I could survive my visit to Holly's house tomorrow. She smiled and gave me a peck.

"I'll make something to eat. You stay here," she said and I laughed and nodded. I waited twenty minutes and then she came with a lot of food for me and a little stake for her.

"Now you like human food?" I asked and she nodded. "What else did I miss?" I asked sadly.

"Well," she made an 'I'm thinking' face. "I completed my degree," I already knew that. "And now I'm working for a TV channel and at the University teaching History," I smiled.

"I already knew all that," I kissed her. _What about the 'I don't feel quite right about this'? _Who cares!

"Then that's all, you didn't miss too much. What did I miss?"

"Well, I got promoted two years ago like you know but six months later the company offered me to finish up my degree in college in order to get a new promotion. I finished college one week ago actually and my new promotion was at New York," I said and saw Nessie's face became serious and ashamed. I grabbed her chin. "I told you, I'm gonna make this work," I gestured between us and she nodded.

We talked about our lives these past two years including the Volturi. She told me they checked her once a year by calling baby bloodsucker. It hurt to know all that and that I missed her graduation and a lot of happy news for her but I recovered quickly. We had four good hours of talking and then she fell asleep again in my arms and I let myself drift into sleep too.

I woke up with my cell phone ringing. I cursed under my breath and picked up my phone. It was Seth. He wouldn't call if it weren't important. _If this is some gossip moment I'm going to kill him_. I answered.

"Speak," I commanded. Usually I wasn't that annoying but I was asleep!

"Jacob, this vampire. Nessie's friend, we caught him crossing the border," Something ignited in me. I almost crushed the phone between my hands. This was my cue. I decided to not harm him because probably Nessie wouldn't want it. But this was beyond it, I was in my damn right to kill him and I would do it.

"Where. Is. He?" I asked between my teeth, tightened jaw and snorting.

------------

**Who's ready for some ****bad ass action??? Jake is about to kick some vampire's ass!!**

**That was chapter 23 Part II!! Tell me what you think about it! Please! I really worked hard on this one! **

**I want to apologize for not updating "Liz" in a long time but I'm gonna do it within this week and next one. Again… Sorry!!**

**Reviews people… if this chapter doesn't make you want to leave me a review then I don't know what else to do =(**


	26. Nirvana Plus Utopia

**A/N: I know! I'm so sorry for taking so long to update and I don't have another excuse other than school. But the good news ****is that I'm out of school for the next two months and I'm back in the USA. Home sweet home!**

**I wanna thank you guys for the support and reviews! We'll have happy times in the next three chapters because I know you guys deserve it. Specially thanks to Kathy my awesome beta! She has been busy too ****which is why it took us more than necessary.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series!**

**Jane Strauss**

**Chapter 24****: Nirvana Plus Utopia**

"We have him, ten miles into the south after the border." Seth said and I hissed. This was my chance.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," I said and hung up. I turned around and watched my beautiful Nessie sleep. I couldn't believe all the pain that damn vampire caused us, how he had the nerve to play with the most precious thing in my life. She didn't deserve his behavior and I almost lost her. This was personal, I would finish him because of what he did to Nessie and not because he crossed the border.

There wasn't any treaty here…..I was doing this for revenge. My Nessie was a pure creature with the ability to forgive everyone who asked for it but I wasn't. He didn't deserve to be forgiven and I would not lose sleep because of him. If his death was required for Nessie to feel fearless again, so be it. I began caressing her warm small cheek.

"Nessie," I whispered and kissed her cheek and she answered me with a small noise. "I need you to wake up," I whispered again.

"Why?" she asked a little annoyed and I smiled but then went serious.

"Seth called me," I observed her eyes that remained closed. "They need me. Esdras crossed the border ten minutes ago," I carefully said and her eyes snapped open. The first thing I saw was fear in them and she quickly sat straight on the bed and buried her face in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I told you I had to go," she began babbling.

"Hey, hey, hey," I moved so I could take her in my arms. I grabbed her face with one hand. "Don't apologize. The pack have him and they want me to decide what we should do with him." Her eyes widened.

"Let me talk to him," she said with tears. I wiped them.

"No, Ness. I'm sorry but this isn't between you and him anymore. I'm in too and I'm going to manage this. I just need you to tell me you trust me."

"I trust you, Jacob, you know I do." She said staring me at the eyes.

"I need you to come with me then" I pleaded.

"I don't think I could be helpful" she said when I wiped her last tear.

"You're not going to do anything, but I need you there." She was hesitating but then she sniffled and nodded. I grabbed her face in my hands and kissed her tenderly. "I'm not gonna let him hurt you. You know that, right?" I asked, she nodded and kissed me back. She stood up and went to change her thin blouse and I just used a black wife beater. She came from the bathroom and grabbed my hand. I kissed her forehead and drag her outside the building. I drove to the border and I was there in ten minutes. Seth came to meet me and then he saw Nessie by my side. I mouthed 'give me a minute' to Seth and he nodded and backed away as he was still watched around us. Nessie was really nervous and anxious, she came and grabbed my hand. I just pulled her to me and buried my face in her hair for a second.

"Everything's gonna be fine, Ness. This is almost over….I promise," I assured to her and she nodded. I turned around a little and saw Seth still watching around us. Ah, what the hell! I leaned in and kissed Nessie. This was what I needed to feel strong enough to do this. I walked with her towards Seth and I saw Quil appear from the bushes.

"I need you both to stay human with me, protecting Nessie," I commanded. Both nodded. I turned around and looked at Nessie. "Wait here for five minutes, okay?" I asked and she nodded. "Quil's gonna stay with you." I told her and let go her hand. She placed it in her heart and I leaned down to kiss her forehead. I turned around again and looked at Seth. "Lets go," I said and Seth came with me into the forest. I didn't like leaving my Nessie alone but this was for sure the last time that would happen. Seth didn't say anything but he was smiling. "Stop it!" I said annoyed and he chuckled for a moment and then went serious again as we approached. I could already smell the nauseous smell and the wolf in me began to growl. I stepped in into a big spot in the forest and I saw the leech being pushed down by two wolfs, Cameron and Brady. Esdras was fighting back and even though he was a new born he couldn't against my wolves.

"Look what we have here," I said challenging.

"Where is she? Why she didn't appear yesterday?" He lifted from the floor but Cameron and Brady held him down again.

"I'll make the questions here, bloodsucker," I shouted. "Don't you know there's a treaty that says you can't cross our border?" I asked.

"I didn't cross your precious border and this is vampire territory," he shouted back.

"What do you know about territory?" I asked though he knew I wasn't talking about territory anymore.

"I just wanted to know what happened with her," he defended himself.

"You could have wanted an ice cream and I couldn't care less," I mocked. "I hope you know that I'm in my whole damn right to rip your head off," I let him know what was going to happen with him and he laughed with fear.

"You're just mad that she doesn't love you anymore," he mocked. Wrong move. I smiled evilly.

"You really want to know where she is?" I asked him and saw his eyes got wide. I walked towards him and leaned towards his face. "She's is with ME now," I said and I saw his crimson eyes began to change color…..into black. I know Nessie didn't deserve for him to know about what she was doing and about us but I couldn't help it.

"You're lying!" he shouted.

"Why would I lie?" It felt so fucking amazing to say that. Realization ran through his ugly face.

"I guess you're ruining everything she did this past two years," he warned me. Wrong move again.

"Maybe, but how are the royal leeches going to find out? Are you gonna tell them?" I asked. "I really doubt it," I smiled. "You're not gonna make it through this." He panicked and did what I wanted him to do.

"You wouldn't do it" he challenged me.

"Don't you know who I am?" I asked him and his eyes widened. I laughed. "Of course you know who I am and want to know the worst part here?" I approached like an animal hunting. "That you messed up with the most precious thing to me."

"Please, have some compassion. I was just following commands. I would never hurt her. love her and I was just taking care of her. If, if the Volturi had taken care of her she wouldn't be as free like she's now." He begged so sweetly. _Right, bloodsucker! Beg! Beg me!_

"And how does that make you a better leech? Do you think that just because of that you deserve forgiveness? Do you think that your stalking obsession was some way right?" He knew I wasn't going to give up.

"I love her, Jacob. I love her like you" No! He just didn't say that. Wrong fucking move again!

"Nobody, and write this down, bloodsucker, nobody loves her like I do," I snarled and he had a suddenly loss of words. "You don't have anything else to say before you die?" I asked and finally total panic took over him.

"Please, don't kill me. I was doing my job and I never hurt her. I didn't even try to touch her. How are you going to manage this if you kill me?" I sighed.

"That's my damn problem! What a selfish creature. You forgot the most important thing here. I'm not gonna excuse your life by any chance but there's someone who can help you to go with dignity and would give you back the humanity you had once. Someone you hurt and made miserable for too long and someone who would no doubt a second to forgive you even though you don't deserve a drop of her kindness." I lifted my head and saw Nessie standing there in the clearing with Quil and Seth by her side. Esdras' eyes widened to their full capacity. I leaned down to whisper into Esdras' ear.

"You're going to apologize for every damn day of the past two years. I want to hear you are sorry for all the pain you caused her and I want to hear you implore for her forgiveness," he was shaking then, only staring at Nessie.

"Nessie, please help me. You know I was only following instructions. I never hurt yoe, I love you, Nessie." Nessie's eyes lifted from Esdras to me, she was pleading with me to stop this.

"That's not what I asked you to say. You're the first dumb vampire I met." I said a little out loud but then I leaned even closer to his ear. "This is your last chance, Esdras" I said using his name. "If you really love her then you should care about what she thinks of you. Don't you want to know if she hates you for what you did? She's not going to lie for your benefit, I can promise you that." I knew everyone there heard what I said. Esdras eyes focused on Nessie and she was staring back at him but I saw her grip Quil's hand.

"Do you hate me, Nessie?" he asked and he was really absorbed looking at her. She shook her head.

"I don't hate anyone, Esdras. I can't hate anyone." She whispered.

"But you don't love me" he said and Nessie shook her head again. "Then what do you feel for me?

"I feel sorry for you, Esdras. I felt it since always. You are so young and you already chose the wrong path. You made me so miserable all this time but I don't blame you because that was the way they taught you. You can't keep someone against their will, that's not the way things work." She began sobbing and I wanted to go by her side but letting him go wasn't an option.

"I'm so sorry, Nessie. I didn't realize I was hurting you. I just thought I was doing you a favor by keeping you away from the enemy."

"That is what you want to believe, Esdras. But they are not my enemies; they are my family and my friends. That man over there," she said pointing me with her chin. "He's my reason for everything. And the worst part of this is that you knew it, you knew how much I love him and how much it hurt me to be away from him and you just decided to be blind for me. But you're not deaf and I'm not mute. Know that I forgive you even if you don't ask for it and know that I don't hate you but I can't forget and from now on you are nothing to me and I'm not going to waste another second afraid of your words. I belong here," she whispered the last part and then I looked at Esdras who had pain in his eyes and I realized then that he really loved Nessie. In a twisted and wicked way but kind of true, I guess it was the only way he knew. For some people love means sacrifice like it did for Nessie and for me but for some others love means getting what you want but then again, it was the only way he knew.

"It's that all?"I questioned him. He didn't say anything else but I saw the pain in his eyes being replaced with anger. I leaned forward again. "Your biggest mistakes was to believe I owe you a shit and have messed with _MY_ woman" I was so fucking angry because he didn't learn a thing after all. I stretched my neck and made an emphasis in the word My. I stood up and passed through Seth and Quil and went to stand in front of Nessie. I grabbed her face and made her look at me. "I don't want you to see this," I whispered so low that I knew nobody besides her heard me. She touched my hands in her face.

_Just come back to me_

"Always," I whispered again and kissed her forehead. I let her go and she stared at Esdras.

"I can't save you from this. Goodbye, Esdras," she said very sad, turned around and walked away with Quil following her. I turned around to watch Esdras; I stretched my neck.

"Everyone who's not directly involved with the situation OUT!" I ordered and the wolves around left except for Seth, Cameron and Brady. "Let him go," I ordered and Cameron and Brady looked at me like I was insane. "Did you hear what I said?" I asked and both were hesitating but let him go. I thought he was going to run but he stayed and looked at me with the angriest eyes he had. _So you wanna do this at the old fashion way? Do you know who I am? Are you really challenging me in my territory? Good luck, then. C'mon… I'm Jacob Black! _I stretched my neck.

"I guess you want me to admit that you won," the leech said mocking.

"I don't need to hear it from you to know that I won but you do need me to tell you the game's over." He was killing me with his eyes but I was going to kill him in real life. I phased in front of him and he went backwards and glared at me one last time before running away for his life.

I snorted and gave him an advantage of five seconds; you can't try to trick a wolf in his own territory! A new born had to be! I started chasing him and I must admit he was pretty fast. It took me fifteen seconds instead of fourteen to catch him. Ha! I pounced my entire body on him and tackled him down. He turned around in the floor and pushed me off him. Ask me if it worked? He snarled and tried to bite me but I used my front paws to hold him down by the shoulders; I heard a crack and I knew I broke one of him arms; he yelped in pain but I made a guttural sound with my throat and he refocused on trying to survive. He used his new born force to slip away from my paws; he started running again and climbed a tree. The 'intelligent' thought that because I wasn't a cat I couldn't reach him up there. He jumped from tree to tree until he reached the cliffs and the trees where over; I took advantage of his moment of uncertainty and hit the tree where he was standing with all my might. He was about to hit the ground when he recovered and started running at my same level.

I reached him in ten seconds this time and without thinking it I ripped off one of his arms; he screamed in pain while I ripped off the other arm. _It's over, Esdras! _I stepped on his neck and broke it; he instantly stopped struggling and his body went limp. I was about to rip his head off when I heard Embry and Seth in my mind.

_That's enough, Jake. __Embry and I can burn him._ Seth told me. _That was merciless! I didn't understand too much but are you and Nessie back together?_ Seth asked.

_I told you to stay with Nessie!_

_She left; she said she didn't want to stay here and ordered me not to follow her so I didn't but Quil did it_ he said in a rush. I wasn't going to blame Seth for that one. knew what I had and she was stubborn as hell, I was just worried of what made her leave. I ran back to my truck

_You have to tell me, man!_ Seth was such a gossip lady.

_Go__ to lunch at my dad's _I phased back and used the only pair of khakis left in my trunk.

I drove as fast as I could and made it back to my house in ten minutes. I thought maybe she was angry with me for killing him but her anger was something I was willing to endure as long as she could be herself again. I opened the door and searched for her and I found her in my balcony.

I wasn't sure if I should talk to her then. It was unbelievable how I could be the damn bad ass wolf for everyone around but in front of Nessie I was such a puddle but I couldn't care less. I opened the glass door but remained there staring at her back and her long bronze ringlets. I saw her whip her tears before turning around to watch me and just after seconds of staring each other she ran into my arms.

RPOV

"He's dead," he whispered in my hair and I froze. This was all wrong…,he couldn't be dead… he was the Volturi's contact with me and… _if they find he's death then they're going to attack here._ I began crying and Jacob pulled me into a tighter hug. "Nessie I'm sorry. I promised myself that I wouldn't hurt him if you didn't want to but I just couldn't. He had the nerve to come here and try to steal you away from me again" he apologized. I shook my head. I wasn't crying because of that. I knew Esdras was a good person very deep inside but still working for the wrong people and wanting the wrong things. I knew Jacob hadn't option when Esdras crossed the line. I wasn't blaming him. I let him know with my ability that I wasn't crying because of Esdras' death but because I was afraid of what would come next. "Whatever that is we will face it and you should stop worrying about it. I'm here, Ness and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He caressed my hair and I knew everything was all messed up but right then I clung to his words. Being in Jacob's arms was all I needed to forget everything. He held me for a while and then carried me to the bed again. I sobbed a while and then I relaxed.

He went to take a shower after I promised not to cry again. I calmed myself. Though what happened was a sentence I wasn't afraid. The Volturi called once a year and still the time didn't mean to them what it meant for us. At least I had one year of happiness in front of me. Strangely, by the end of Jacob's shower I was smiling. He came from the bathroom with dark jeans and no shirt on. I forgot what I was worrying over when I saw him like that. We did nothing last night and I understood that we were trying to heal us each other. But right then, watching him, my heart began to jump. But what was I going to do? He was the only man that had touched me and in two years I had nothing. It was disgusting the idea of somewhere else touching me like Jacob and making love to me like him. I didn't want it and I didn't do it and I was okay with it. I never had the urge or the incontrollable desire. But right then watching him picking a shirt from his closet drove me crazy and plus to my lust I discovered he had another tattoo. This one was smaller compared to the big tribal tattoo in his right arm but was still visible in between his shoulder blades right at the bottom of his neck. I wanted to ask what it was but I thought time was the only thing we had then.

I went to take a shower as well. I washed myself with Jacob's bodywash and shampoo and I loved to smell like him. I dried my body and changed into my clothes. I remembered we were supposed to be at Billy's. I hurried up and when I came from the bathroom I heard him in the kitchen. I went there and he was assaulting his fridge. I made my "got ya!" face and he looked ashamed. I laughed and went to hug him.

"Come on we have to get going. Billy's waiting," I said.

"I don't want to go," he said grabbing me by the waist and lifting me to his level. I punched his arm playfully. He kissed me passionately. I thought it was about to turn into something else but then he stopped like if it was nothing and placed me in my feet. "Fine, lets go," he said grabbing my hand and walking out of the apartment.

It wasn't a long way to Billy's house; we made it in twenty minutes. I was a little nervous and I didn't even know why. Jacob parked in the driveway next to Seth's car and came to open my door. He helped me to get out of his huge truck. He kissed me quickly and grabbed my hand. Rachel was in the door waiting for Jacob I guess but when she saw me next to him and holding hands, her smile couldn't get any bigger. I blushed but Jacob rolled his eyes to his sister.

"Nessie!" Rachel greeted me cheerfully and hugged me but Jacob never let go my hand.

"Hey Rachel," I said.

"I thought you had gone without saying goodbye," she couldn't even control her wide smile.

"I'll never do that," I said hugging her back.

"Where's dad?" Jacob asked.

"Well, hello you too! I'm fine thank you and dad is watching the game with Seth, Paul and Ryan" Rachel said sarcastically and Jacob laughed a little.

"Isn't supposed that he must be resting?" I was half worried and half amused.

"They all are suppositions" Rachel said as we entered the house and Jacob kissed her forehead. It was funny to watch that scene. Four grown man watching a game, one with an oxygen tank, two half naked and the last one very uncomfortable between two shirtless big tanned men. I giggled and Billy turned around to look at us. He stared at us for two seconds and then his eyes fell to Jacob's and I interlaced hands. He lifted his eyes and smiled.

"There you are old man" Jacob said. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I'm made of good wood, son" he smiled at us and I went to hug him gently.

"Thank you" I whispered in his ear.

"You welcome, my dear. Claire did something too" I didn't know Claire had to do with this but I was grateful with her too.

"You look good."

"I feel good. Despite the previous situation I made you all go through. I finally have my whole family together. Rachel, Paul, Rebecca, Ryan, Jacob and you," he said and I wanted to cry. He just told me I was part of his family. My eyes were wet but when I was about to let go one tear Billy wiped it. "You're from my family too, Nessie. It's just matter of time for you to become officially my daughter" he winked at me and I laughed. I felt Jacob's hand in my shoulder and I stood up from the floor next to Billy's wheelchair and he grabbed me by the waist and leaned his head over mine.

"Now THIS is good news" I saw Seth face and he was really happy for us. He came to hug me. "'Bout time little niece," he tickled me.

We spent a really good time there. I have never met Rebecca before and she seemed very apprehensive with me but I didn't blame her, she came when Jacob was broken because of me and she only saw me as the bitch that broke that did that to his little brother. Rachel did kind of a goodgr job introducing us that night too. She gave a quick explanation of Jacob's story and mine. Something like this _"Rebecca, she's Nessie Cullen, our little brother ex girlfriend but they're together again because they love each other a lot. Nessie this is my twin sister Rebecca, actually she's older than me by three minutes." _I felt terribly awkward with that introduction but then Rebecca laughed and said it was nice to meet me officially and that I was pretty. I knew from the beginning she was shy and calm, not as crazy and happy like Rachel but it was fine. She was really nice to me.

Paul and Seth were teasing Jacob since the beginning but he didn't do anything against it; he just continued staring at me and I continued staring at him. I loved Billy but I didn't want to be there anymore. I just wanted to go home with Jake and he seemed to catch my idea. We left twenty minutes later and when we finally made it home we were kissing really passionately and the mood was very heavy. He pulled away for air and rested his head in mine but I knew his attention was inside his head.

"You know" he breathed out. "I recently got a second chance and I'll tear my own eyes out if I ruin this" he stared at me now from a little far. "You deserve much better than this, my love. You're not 'the other woman', you're the only one and I'm gonna make this the way it should be." He kissed me quickly and pushed me by the shoulders. "I have something to do, can you meet me at our cliff in two hours?" I didn't know too much of what was going on but I suspected it had something to do with Holly. I nodded.

He left almost immediately and I found myself nervous for some reason. I didn't know what to do to kill time since the way to the cliff would only take me fifteen minutes. I went to Jacob's room and laid in his side and buried my face in his pillow and that helped me to relax for a while but then I started paying attention to Jacob's room and I couldn't believe I didn't see all signs that said he loved me. I analyzed his bed and even though it was huge, the dents of his body were only in one side of the bed, like if he reserved the other side for me. In the wall behind his bed it was an enlarged version of a black and white picture I took six years ago of the exactly spot when the First Beach ends and the forest begins. I knew I recognized the photo the moment I saw it four days ago but I couldn't remember from where I recognized it and I thought it was because I only knew a tiny version of that one. I saw another picture in the other wall, two small pictures of two Chinese characters that I knew meant the words 'Love' and 'Duty'. I wanted to cry with that one because he once told me those things were what ruled his life. I was the love and his brothers and people were the duty.

I was still looking around when I paid attention to the exterior and I noticed a wolf smell and I even heard wolf paths near. I used the balcony's crystal door to stare between the bushes near the forest and I saw Cameron as a wolf pacing around. I was sure Jacob sent him and I just laughed and shook my head. Half hour later I was dying inside, besides it was too much time without Jacob also I was nervous because of what that bitch could be telling him. Pretty overprotective but I couldn't help it.

When I made it out of the building I saw Jacob's black truck parked outside, he had left it for me. I smiled and saw the keys in the ignition. _Maybe Cameron wasn't watching me but the truck._ I drove for ten minutes and then another five minutes running to the top.

Years have passed without visiting this place for myself. I love every corner of our cliff and I still knew everything about it. The breeze was cooler and the ocean smelled even better up high at the top. The time didn't pass up there and the weather was always so powerfully charming. I smelled Jacob ten minutes later and my heart picked up immediately. I turned around and saw him leaning against a tree and watching me with a smile in his beautiful face.

"What?" I asked through my chuckles.

"Nothing" he shook his head still leaning against the tree. "I was just taking my time watching you." I smiled.

"Would you mind joining me?" I asked flirting and he bit his lower lip and chuckled.

"Not at all" he said and came towards me. He stopped inches away from me, my heart hammered my chest so hard that it was sounding in my ears too. He smiled wider when he heard me and I blushed. He took my face between his hands.

"You wouldn't believe how that wild heart makes me feel" I bit my lower lip and smiled even wider. He caressed my cheek with his thumb and then my lips, I inhaled his scent coming from his wrist and suddenly he kissed me. I dug my hands in his hair and savored every second, after seconds he pulled away.

"What are we doing here?" I whispered.

"I love this place," he said giving a fast look around. "I hadn't been here in more than a year. The last time I came it was our 'second anniversary'. It hurt too much that day; I spent a lot of time thinking about you. The first time in months that I took my time to think about you, I knew the pain was going to be there but I felt like I had to do it because it was our day. I promised that I would never come back here….unless you were coming too. I kind of blessed this place, never again if you weren't here since it was senseless. I loved the view but not even that made it enough special for me to come back. I thought I was never going to come back and look at me now" he chuckled. I watched him take a deep breath.

"Ok, so here's the thing. You know I just turned thirty eight. I'm two years away from the big forty and I feel like I can't keep playing with my future. I know I have eternity but thirty eight years is pretty much time for a man to not settle his life. I just came from breaking up with Holly, she yelled at me and even slapped me but I don't care a thing about it anymore. I dismissed the only thing in our way, Nessie. I want to be with you and I want us to be together but I feel compromised to tell you something."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Ness. I don't want to be with someone else other than you. If you want me… ..then I'm yours always, but…" he moved his hands from my face to my shoulders. "This is forever, Renesmee. You and me forever. I can't take you for granted again and I'm sorry if I sound possessive but I'm not gambling this. I love you, Ness and I really need this. I really need a compromise from you. I want to hear that this is important to you as well. No one else in the way, there's no Holly, no Esdras, no Volturi and no sacrifice here. I want to hear that nothing is going to take you away from me, that you're not going to allow it." I was literally paralyzed; I wasn't even breathing_. He said… she slapped him… forever… compromise… forty? _

"If you're not ready I understand I just wanted you to know what my position is" He said and let his face fall.

"Ready for w-what?" I stutter. He lifted his face and analyzed my face. He smiled shyly and cleared his throat.

"I guess I didn't say it" he took my hand and squeezed them between his and his eyes were piercing mine with an intensity I thought was going to blow my head off. "Nessie, will you marry me?" I wasn't paralyzed before I had just discovered that. Did he just ask me…? Oh my! He asked me to be his wife!_! _I placed my hand on my mouth and I saw it shaking. Jacob saw it too, he took it from my mouth and placed it over his heart.

"It's okay, Ness. You don't have to worry about it; we can wait." He said caressing my cheek with the hand that wasn't holding mine against his chest. _No! Just give me ten seconds! _My inability to speak was frustrating me.

This couldn't be happening! How many times I dreamed about this moment? The moment when Jacob would ask me to be his wife and now there I was wondering if it was a good idea. Nothing would make me any happier than marry Jacob but I was worried as hell of what could happen in the future. But I did know something about the future I knew about someone I will fight for, my beautiful Phoenix.

"Yes!," I finally blurted out; crying and shaking.

"Okay then we'll wait," he said giving me a sympathetic smile.

"No!," I said out loud. "I wasn't talking about waiting," I spoke. Finally! My first complete sentence. He arched an eyebrow slightly. "I said yes I want to marry you," I whispered the last part.

**Reviews are welcome!**

**I'm still looking for someone that can help me to get a banner for this story! Please please!**

**Reviews!**


	27. Heavy in your arms

_**A/N:**_** I am really sorry for taking so long! I don't have excuse except that I'm back in the USA and I have been very busy enjoying my people. Here and there =S**

**Originally this chapter was meant to be two different chapters but since I owe you guys… then I'll let it be one hell of a long chapter. If someone doesn't like long chapters well… that's too bad!**

**I was going to post Liz' newest chapter like a month ago but I forgot the file in my other computer in Mexico. I had to wait for my cousin to send it to me and she's only ten years old; it was pretty difficult for me to teach her how to send a file.**

**So I also decide to post this chapter un-beta'ed. I talked with my beta two days ago (I think so or maybe three days ago) and she's really busy with school and work. Don't worry about it Kathy and keep the hard work!**

**Guess what? I have a twitter! I promised I wasn't going to fall for it but I did. Shame on me! Haha anyway… follow me! Is ****JaneStrauss.**** I let you know how the next chapter is gonna be up. **

**Last thing! An amazing writer and reader called ****QueenApo ****made three banners for me. I'm gonna upload them later and I'll let you know by twitter when you can check them. She made an amazing job!**

**WARNING:** I think I wrote kind of a lime or a light lemon. I don't know how to call it but I changed the rate anyway. If you're younger than 18 then you shouldn't be reading this. Go back to the stories rated T.

**DISCLAIMER: **SM owns The Twilight Saga. I own part of the plot, Esdras, Emilia, Holly and my gadgets.

_And being a part ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy of rediscovering you_

**Chapter 25: Heavy In Your Arms**

NPOV

It-it was real; I was getting… married. Oh gosh… Married! I really couldn't be happier; not so long ago I thought the idea of being Jacob's wife was unattainable and suddenly the dream was reachable… not just reachable; it was already in my hands. ! Jacob was staring in shock.

"Are you serious, Ness?" he stuttered when he asked. _He thought I was going to say no? Silly wolf_. I smiled even wider and squeezed the tears away from my eyes. I nodded and wiped my cheek.

"But- but aren't you going to ask me why so soon?" he was concerned about things that could care me less. I shook my head. "I don't think is too soon but if you want us to wait then…" he trailed off when he saw me trying to contain a laugh. "Jeez, you want to laugh; I did this all wrong, didn't I?" It was completely hilarious to see a man like Jacob getting nervous. My poor wolf! I grabbed his face and he fixed his eyes on mine.

_Why is so hard to believe that I do want to be your wife? _He gave me an apologetic smile. _I love you with all I am, Jake; until our last thought of sanity, right? _He nodded.

"I said yes; live with it!" I finally spoke, he smirked and wrapped both of his arms around my waist. He lifted me from the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist; he let me go to grab my face and I leaned forward to kiss him. He placed me on the ground after a minute and his hand went to his pocket and took out of it something that I couldn't see. He looked at me then and sexily smiled; he grabbed my left hand.

"I promised you this long time ago, you remember?" he asked me and showed me what was in his hand. It was a gorgeous diamond ring! Black band with a squared diamond and two little diamonds each side. I started crying again and nodded; he placed the ring in the right place and kissed my hand. I laughed and started shaking my head. "What?" he asked amused with my behavior.

"I just can't believe this; not so long ago this seemed very unlikely," he smiled even more and rested his forehead in mine.

"I can't believe you said yes," he said and kissed my nose. I giggled and he pulled away. "So…" he trailed off and I gave him an apprehensive look. "When?" he asked and smiled devilishly. I had the exact date in my mind when he asked but I didn't know if he would agree since um…

"Really you want me to pick out the date?" I asked and he nodded. "Any day I want?" I asked again, he laughed again and nodded. I bit my lip and saw him waiting for my answer. "This Saturday," I said and I think I closed my eyes afraid of what Jacob would say. I waited five seconds and then opened my eyes slowly; he was wide eyed and completely frozen._ Great! Of course is too soon… I should tell him to pick out the date._ "Or maybe you should pick out the date. I'm not good with the dates" I decided stop talking since I didn't know if he was listening. He began shaking his head.

"You- you want to marry me this Saturday?" he asked totally surprised.

"I just don't see the point of waiting but I don't care; we can wait to pick out the date," I said looking at the floor.

"I don't want to wait," he said immediately and I looked at him. "I was just a little shocked because I thought you wanted to wait but we can marry this Saturday or the Thursday if you want; I'd marry you right now even," he said unable to contain his happiness. I burst out laughing with joy.

I woke up with Jacob in front of me; he had his arm around my waist and was slightly snoring. I used my hand to caress his face and to touch his short hair. My phone ringing brought me back from my reverie and I turned slowly around to grab it from the nightstand. My mom was calling me, I searched for a clock and Jacob's alarm clock said it was seven thirty in the morning. _Why was my mother calling me this early? _

"Mom?" I said answering the call

"Hey, baby! Long time without hearing about you. Why you hadn't called?" she asked me.

"I'm sorry, mom; I have been pretty busy the last month," I said getting up from the bed and walking into the balcony.

"Hey you sound more cheerful! Things are getting better?" she asked. Aw! She was my mother after all.

"Yeah, Mom; things are acquiring balance right now," I said smiling.

"I'm glad they are, sweetie. Your father and I miss you," she told me and I sighed.

I loved my parents so much but I didn't want them to find out about me and Jacob getting married. Not right now; even though that would mean them missing my wedding. My love for Jacob had to stay in La Push and just in La Push as corny as it sounds. It was safer that way; eventually I'll tell them one day but not at the moment. I didn't even know what was going to happen in one year when the Volturi would call to hear about me… let alone think about how I would tell my family in the future that I married Jacob.

We talked for half an hour more before hanging up, promising that I'll call them more often. I entered Jacob's room and he was sitting in the bed staring at me sympathetically. I smiled while climbing the bed. I went by his side and buried my face in his bare chest kissing him there. He smelled my hair and kissed it. I knew he heard my conversation with my mom.

"I want to protect this, Jake. The world is not ready to know we are back together," I said half joking and half the truth. He laughed slightly. "Do you mind?" I asked him.

"I should ask that."

"I don't mind. Your brothers and sisters are my family too," I felt his chest grew with pride.

"How are you gonna plan a wedding in five days?" he whispered in my ear.

"I'm a woman, Jake. Of course I can do that and still look fantastic at the end," I joked and he laughed.

"Okay then; as long as you are at the end of the aisle with me on Saturday." His stomach growled seconds later.

"My poor wolf is hungry," I said and rubbed his stomach. He laughed.

"I am but I don't have time to eat right now," he said caressing my hair. "My boss called me yesterday; I think he's pretty mad and told me to go to his office today at nine."

"You think he's going to fire you?" I hoped not.

"I don't know," he didn't seem to be really worried about it and that was a first.

"Why you don't seem to be worried about it?" I pulled myself away from his chest and stared at him. He bit his lip guiltily like if he had forgotten to tell me something. _Oh, God!_

"Um well; when I was about to finish College I started drawing and I made ten different designs for new cars and always saved them for myself until one of my friends saw them at class and he told me that his father was the CEO of this Californian motor company and long story short they bought half of my designs and well… let's just say that I don't have to worry about money for a while," he said like if it was nothing. _Oh my!_

"Jacob! That's awesome!" I couldn't help but hug him really tight. "You mean there are cars out there designed by you?" he nodded.

"They even have a J and a B in the trunk," he said again like it wasn't something.

"I've seen them!" I remembered then. "The Nellen V724!" I said still shocked. He laughed then and kissed me.

"You've seen the Nellen?" he asked and I nodded. I was really impressed because that car was what I thought was the perfect combination between elegance and sportsmanship. I wanted that car for myself but it was very expensive for me to afford it… at least by myself; sure thing my family could afford it. "You liked it?" he asked. _Hell, yeah! _I said into his mind. "I named it after you. NE from Nessie and LLEN from Cullen and the date you accepted to be my girlfriend. July fifth of two thousand twenty four," I couldn't believe what he said; just two months ago I saw the car in a gas station and fell in love with it. I couldn't believe it was Jacob's car and that was named after me. I think I wanted to cry but I thought it was silly of me so I just wrapped my arms around his neck again and whispered a _Thank you_. I rested my forehead in his and kissed him with all my might for short seconds.

"Is a good thing I didn't sell it, then," he said and confused me all. He saw it in my face and chuckled. "Though they are using my designs I didn't sell them all to the company. I just sold two of them but the Nellen is still mine and it's gonna give me stratospheric profits for the next seven years. That's how many years they want my design. And I have a mini contract to improve the design every year."

"That's unbelievable, Jake! But I don't get why you prefer to work in Port Angeles' company, then," I said truthfully.

"Well… First off; the other company is in California; no branches around here. Second; the company just wanted my designs not my management abilities. I like this way; I have talent for one company and I have power in the other one. I won my place like CEO in NYC though I don't know where I'm standing right now but I guess is okay; I just want to keep the job because I'm a man and I need to keep my hands busy," Wow… I had no idea about all that was happening in Jacob's life.

"Claire didn't tell me a thing about this," I said absent minded and Jacob raised an eyebrow.

"She should have done it?" he asked and I nodded guilty.

"I always asked her about you and she used to tell me about your life these past two years," for some reason what I said kinda flattered him.

"Well if it helps, nobody knew about it. I just thought it wasn't big deal," I laughed. _It's not a big deal? Really?_

"Okay, then; we can keep talking later. You have to go to that meeting," I said and hear him growl. "I'll go to make you some quick breakfast; you can take a shower if you want or just wait here," I stood up and he smacked me on the butt and winked at me. I blushed furiously while walking to the kitchen.

Jake and I hadn't done anything since we got back together and I was kind of dying! Never in the past two years had I the uncontrollable need of sex but in the past two years had I never had a real-size Jacob walking around shirtless either. I didn't want to push him but I was really curious about why he hadn't tried to make a move on me or something else. My mind wandered and my theories were that either he didn't believe in me or that maybe he just didn't want me. Each theory was awful to think about; I was going more with the idea that he didn't trust me enough to give me his entire heart again. He did want me; I could see it in his eyes but something was stopping him from acting on it. But that couldn't last much long if we were getting married so I just let it go; I fixed some pancakes and bacon and when I went back to the bedroom he had his suit pants on and was looking for a shirt in his closet.

"When did you get that tattoo on your back?" I asked while sitting on the bed with the plate resting on my legs. He took a lavander shirt and I handled him his plate. He sat in front of me with his back at me so I could see his tattoo way much closer and it was a strange tattoo.

"Isn't just one; those are two different tattoos made one in the progress. The sign is from the Celtics and is the representation of the magic of rebirth… the phoenix; and the phrase is Quileute," he said while I caressed it, "It means 'Worth fighting' I got it two months ago after a dream I had; a little crazy I know but also reminds me my warrior nature through the hard times," he said with a smile and gave me back the now empty plate. _Man that was fast!_ Wait, did he say a dream? I was dying to ask about it but he had to go to that meeting.

"Thank you, beautiful," he said and leaned to kiss me. "Listen I don't know when the meeting is gonna be over but I want to show you something later. Be ready and I'll take you to lunch when I come back," I nodded and he kissed me quickly.

After Jake left I called Claire and spent two hours telling her all that had happened since she talked with Jake two days ago. She screamed on the phone when I told her that Jake and I were getting married; she offered her help to plan the wedding and I took it immediately; I also told her that I didn't want a big wedding… just something significant with family and friends. She agreed and promised to talk to me later that night.

Half hour after we hung up I heard a knock on the door. The camera on the door showed that Holly was behind it; I remained silent and she knocked the door four times more before sliding a paper sheet under the door. I heard her leave and I lifted the paper sheet from the floor; it said _Jacob_ in the front. As much as I wanted to open it I didn't; I waited another hour more before hearing the door crack open. Jacob appeared on the bedroom soon after and collapsed face down on the bed by my side; he seemed to be just a little tired. I leaned and kissed his ear and then trailed my mouth down till I reached his neck; he shivered and lifted his arm to wrap it around my waist and pulled me closer to him while resting on his side. He kissed me tenderly multiple times and I wrapped my free arm around his neck and dug my fingers in his hair. After five minutes he pulled away and began kissing my neck but he stopped before reaching the beginning of my chest. I sighed slightly in frustration but luckily he didn't hear it; I caressed his cheek while he kept staring at me.

"Everything's okay?" I asked whispering in his neck.

"You shouldn't ask that now that we are like this because you already know the answer," he said in a low sexy husky voice and my heart fluttered. I smiled and kissed his nose.

"I mean with your job," when I said this he smiled pretty wide.

"Well… my boss was really mad because I missed the plane and didn't have the courtesy to let him know about it and because he found out I sold my designs to another company. I wasn't in the mood to apologize so I just told him the other company was interested in my talent; something he never saw in me before. And just when I was thinking he was going to fire me he… apologized for not seeing my other talent and just focusing on my business' talents. You're not gonna believe this," he said widening his eyes even more. "He told me that the CEO job in Seattle is waiting for me," my mouth dropped.

"Oh, my! What did you say, Jake?" I asked impatiently.

"I thought about it first. The ride to Seattle is gonna take me five hours per day; normally would be six hours per day but I can do it in five respecting the speed limit and then I thought about us too," he said and caressed my face. "We are about to start a marriage, Ness and I don't want to be absent most of the time," I closed my eyes. That was what I feared the most; that our lives had to change because of what we wanted to do. "You haven't let me finish," he said smiling and I arched an eyebrow; he stared at our holding hands and I smiled embarrassed. He chuckled. "I told him 'No, thank you' but then he asked for the reason and I just told him I'm getting married and he even congratulated me. He explained then that I only have to go twice or thrice a week to sign papers and check the work and the rest of the week I'll work in my office in Port Angeles; so…" he trailed off and smiled guilty. "I'm the new CEO in Seattle's company" He said proudly. My mouth dropped again for short seconds and then I chuckled and jumped on him.

"Oh Jake, congratulations," I said kissing him. "I was so worried that you could lose your job and now you're the president of a company!" I left his mouth to kiss his nose; he chuckled and sat me in his lap.

"I'm not starting 'till after our honeymoon though," he said seductively and I rolled my eyes playfully. "I'm not staying there forever, Ness; I just took the job for a while. I think I did it to prove that I can and because I want to earn more money; La Push needs it and if I can help I'll help," _It's official. I have the perfect man! or one of them._ I felt so proud of him but the most important part was that he felt proud of himself too.

"I'm so lucky," I said caressing the hair in the back of his neck.

"I would say I'm the lucky one," he said smirking and I crashed my lips to his. We made out for almost an hour when I remembered Holly's letter. I pulled away and Jake stared at me confused.

"You have a letter," I just said and turned around to grab the letter from _my_ nightstand. He took it raising an eyebrow. "Is Holly's; I saw her in the door," I said and Jacob stared at it and then rolled his eyes.

"I'm not gonna read it," he told me and stood up walking towards the little trash can near the door.

"Why not?" I asked apprehensively.

"She just wants to cause me a headache, Ness." He said before ripping it in two pieces and then four.

"What if it was something important?" I asked. "Maybe she's pregnant," I said resentfully but still wanting to know Jacob's answer to that one.

"Well…" he said throwing the pieces in the trash can. "Congratulations then; but I don't see how that involves me." He said and stared at me.

"It can't be y…"

"No, Ness. I never touched her that way _ergo_ there's no way she can be pregnant with my kid." He said a little loud and I dropped my gaze since I felt shame.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I felt his arms wrap around me and he placed a kiss on my forehead.

"It's okay, dummy. I still love you," he teased me. I punched him slightly in the chest and he began giving me kisses in the forehead, each cheek, my nose, my chin and my neck. I grabbed his face and pulled him to my lips where his kisses were more important. After a while he pulled away. "I have to go pick my dad's medicine," I nodded. "And then you and me again the rest of the day."

"Sounds like a plan," I kissed his cheek.

Jacob picked up Billy's medicine and we went to his house to deliver them; being there I saw Paul playing with his daughter in the yard. Rebecca came from inside the house and actually greeted me by hugging me and then smiling at Jacob; I smiled at her.

"How's dad?" Jacob asked now from the yard talking with Paul.

"I think I'm worse than him; he's perfect," Rebecca joked. Rachel came from inside too and greeted me. The girls and I went inside and there was Billy cleaning some very large stick with cords. I sighed.

"You better not be thinking about what I believe you're thinking," I said playfully from behind. Billy's face turned around and smiled at my sight. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"If you are thinking about go fishing then you're right," he said.

"You should wait for a while before thinking about it," I told him.

"I feel perfectly fine and this Saturday is the beginning of the season. Charlie offered to go with me." I smiled at his words.

"You can't go this Saturday," I whispered like if it was a secret.

"Why not?," he asked confused. Who better than him to know first?

"Because," I trailed off and leaned forward to his face. "Your youngest is getting married this Saturday," I whispered and at first he didn't seem to have caught it. I lifted my left hand and showed him my engagement ring. Shock crossed his face and then understanding and finally a really huge grin was formed on his face.

"I guess I'm staying," he said chuckling and opening his arms for me. I hugged him. "Finally, my dear. Told you it was just matter of time for you to become my daughter." He said chuckling. I heard Jacob behind me so I stood up and went to his side. "Congratulations, son," Billy said smiling mischievously. Jake arched an eyebrow and turned his head to me. I smiled guilty and he understood.

"What for?" Rachel asked from behind us. Jacob turned us around to face her.

"We're getting married," I said when I realized Jacob was letting me tell her. Rachel's eyes widened and I thought they were going to pop out of her face.

"Oh my God, Nessie," she squealed and hugged me tight. "I'm so happy for you," she said letting me go.

"It turns out that I'm the other half of the engagement, Rachel," Jacob said faking annoyance. She laughed and hugged Jacob.

"You know I'm happy for you, Jacob. I thought I was never going to see you happy after all the pain I've seen you go through; but big good things are about to start for you and I hope you're ready 'cause there's no way back… not with Nessie," she whispered the last part but she knew I heard and chuckled. Jacob hugged her tighter before letting her go. Rebecca came and hugged us both and congratulated us as well as Ryan though I never saw him when I came inside.

"Have you guys already picked out a date?" Rachel asked. I heard Billy laugh in the background.

"Yeah," I said slowly.

"This Saturday," Jacob blurted out. Rachel gasped.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," he said shaking his head.

"Nessie that's too soon. Don't you want a big wedding? What about your family?"

"I don't want a big wedding," I said looking at the floor. The subject of my family still was like salt to my wound; Jake felt the change in my mood and grabbed my hand.

"They're not coming," Jacob said plainly. "Can you and Rebecca help her to plan everything?" he asked and I was glad he didn't go further with explanations. Rebecca caught it faster than Rachel.

"Of course we are helping her, Jake; but where are you gonna be then?" she asked.

"Working," he said like it was something obvious. "I don't want to push my luck now that my boss said I wasn't fired" Haha… boss. Jake didn't have a boss anymore.

"I have a lot of ideas right now, Nessie," Rachel said.

"Write them down and show them to Nessie tomorrow because she's mine today," Jake said wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Time is running out, Jacob," Rachel said annoyed.

"I'm sure we're gonna make it on time just fine," he smiled and looked at me; I nodded. "We're taking off," he walked us to the door after saying goodbye to Billy.

"Are you sure Nessie can't stay for a while to discuss the wedding?" Rachel asked childishly to Jacob.

"No, she's mine today; she promised it," Jacob flashed a smile to me. "I want to show her something, Rachel. Let it go."

"Save that for the wedding night," she said playfully but I blushed and dropped my gaze. Rachel chuckled and Jacob rolled his eyes. We walked to his truck and drove away from Billy's house. I thought I knew La Push until the moment I realized I didn't know where we were. It was a new road I think so but I wasn't sure; it was a paved straight road with forest in one side and rocks in the other side. There wasn't anything else I could say about it; Jacob drove for a good half an hour until he parked in front of a huge yard; beautiful by the way.

"Where are we?" I asked when he opened my door.

"It's a surprise," he said smiling to me. "You're gonna love it," he said and grabbed my hand; I climbed out of the car and we began walking towards the yard. "Since I was a kid I used to come here with my mom; Dad never knew we used to come here. When I was six years old every two days I used to have football practice and my mom was the only one interested in me to learn to do something else besides being somewhere outside with my friends, so she was the one who took me to the practices. The soccer field was over there," he said pointing in the distance towards a big open space in the forest. "After practice we used to come here and she let me play with my football while she liked to sit under that tree over there to watch me play," he pointed a leafy tree in the right side of the yard. "She told me she grew up here and she had a lot of memories sitting there. She also said that her dream was to build a house here and come back to live where her heart was." Jacob was smiling at the end of what he said. "Since I was the only one who knew about this place I took like a personal goal to make my mom's dream come true but I never had the chance; she died when I couldn't even wash my own clothes," he stopped us and turned around to watch me and grabbed me by the shoulders. "After almost thirty two years I finally have the opportunity to do it and I don't have her," my eyes began watering with his words. "But I know that she would have liked me to live in that house and to give it to the one I love the most; someone that would really appreciate it and that would take care of it." He smiled to me and turned his head around. I followed his gaze.

My mouth dropped to the floor and my eyes popped out of my face. In front of us was the most beautiful house ever! I didn't know where to look first. I took the view in general and the first thing I noticed was the size; for sure I hadn't seen all the houses in La Push but I knew this was the biggest around here by far. It was made of a combination between concrete and a fancy rockwork; three stores and lot of windows, the second store had a big terrace that looked exactly like the one back in Jacob's apartment. The roof was beautiful! Thousands of tiles that had a peak shape. It looked pretty much like a mansion in the woods and definitely expensive.

"You like it?" he asked in my ear from behind me.

"It's a gorgeous house, Jake. I love every detail… especially the huge windows and the terrace," I said almost squealing. "Is it… yours?" I asked stuttering.

"No," he told me. I thought for a second it was his house after all he said; or maybe he's thinking of buying it. I didn't know if it was a good idea; the house was expensive by just looking at it from the outside, now imagine it on the inside… "It's yours," he whispered in my ear. I turned around quickly totally shocked.

"What?" I blurted out and Jake chuckled.

"This house is yours, Nessie," he said slowly.

"Ho -How?" I stuttered.

"I decided to build this house long time ago; one year ago to be precise. I paid for everything about this house expecting to move in one day. The construction company finished it three weeks ago and to be honest… I didn't know what to do with it. It was the house I always dreamed for my mom and she couldn't see it; then I thought that I could live here but it was depressing the idea of being here by myself thinking about my mom or thinking about you; and of course I wasn't bringing Holly nowhere near here," he grabbed my hands. "I want you to have this house, Ness. I want us to raise a family here one day. Please don't say no," he said making his famous puppy eyes. I melted immediately.

"But Jake this is too much," I whispered but almost giving in.

"Of course not, Ness; not for you. Besides I already paid for it and I already changed the documents; you're the only owner of this house, baby. Billy would never move out from the house where my mom lived her last years but if you don't want it I can give it to one of my brothers;" my eyes widened. _Of course not! This is Sarah's house and they would not pay the needed attention to it! _Jacob saw my face and started laughing. "Yes or not?" he asked trying to contain a laugh. I bit my lip and nodded. H_ow can I resist a house like this? It's beautiful! _"Yes?" he asked again.

"Yes!" I squealed this time and wrapped my eyes around his waist since his neck was out of my reach. He wrapped his arms around me and his laugh echoed in his chest and reached my cheek. I wouldn't believe I could be this happy; one single tear streamed down my face. "I can't believe you gave me a house," I mumbled in his chest.

"And you haven't seen my wedding gift yet," he murmured softly but he knew I heard it.

"You're joking, aren't you?" I said serious. He shook his head.

"No, I'm not but that isn't something you have to worry about right now," I sighed.

_Jacob… _I was about to begin with my speech but he kissed me and I lost the trail of my thoughts.

oOoOo

"You designed the house?" I asked Jacob when we were at his apartment's door.

"The architect did it but he showed me the blueprints like seven times before I could agree with everything," that sounds like Jake. I laughed. "What?" he asked.

"Sound like something you would do," I said.

"I work in this business and I can be very demanding," he said standing by the door.

"You shouldn't have said that; that's not leaving a good impression to your future wife," I said playfully.

"Oops," he said and leaned forward to kiss me. Due to the fact that I was sexually frustrated my mood picked up soon; it was a good kiss but just a kiss and my heart was already hammering against my chest. Jacob grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me to his body; I placed my hands on his back. I loved each and every one of his kisses as simple as they were; but this one had nothing of simple. He placed his hands on my shoulders and traveled down my arms and then skipped to my waist.

He licked my bottom lip and in instants our tongues were already caressing each other. Every discharge made by his kisses went straight down to my crotch; I was ready for him in short seconds but probably he was going to stop like he used to do lately. The kiss couldn't be more passionate and was ending with my air supply; I felt lightheaded but amazing at the same time. I pulled away first and rested my forehead in his; we were both panting. I stared at Jake's eyes and they weren't brown anymore; they were black with I knew was lust; my eyes reflected the same and he saw it.

It only took me short seconds to decide and then jumped on him expecting he wasn't going to stop this time. He lifted me up at the same time that I jumped and wrapped my legs around his waist; he grabbed my ass with both hands, opened the door and dragged us inside. He collapsed on the couch with me straddling him; his hands moved from my butt, one to my face and the other one to my back pulling me closer to him.

I stopped and began unbuttoning his dress shirt; he kissed me furiously then and I began caressing his hard chest. I couldn't believe I was _that _needy but the good thing was that that wasn't going to last long. I felt his hands under my shirt and cupping my breasts; my breath skipped at the sensation and he pulled away.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "We can wait till you're…."

"Oh no, Jacob Black. I have two years waiting for this precise moment and five days of you driving me crazy; you're not getting away from me anytime soon," I said denoting that he didn't have a say on the matter. He chuckled at my annoyed face and when I was about to protest he kissed one more time before pulling away to lift my blouse over my head. He kissed the top of my breasts before lifting us again and walking to his room. My hear fluttered in anticipation and need.

I got rid of my bra in the way to his room; then he placed me on his bed and hovered over me and turned his attention to my breasts. I had forgotten how wonderful his mouth was in other places that weren't my lips; at first I felt uneasy like if I was virgin again but that feeling was overshadowed with the pleasure his mouth was giving me in just my breasts.

He kissed his way down my stomach and when he was where I needed him the most he lifted his face and smiled mischievously and brought his hands to my hips and began unbuttoning my pants. Time was unbelievable slow… I was having my first slow motion scene at a really inconvenient moment. I kicked my pants the rest of the way and he kissed my thighs while doing his way back to my center. He kissed me through my panties and I got really nervous and excited at the same time. Jacob felt my hesitation and came back to my face and kissed me hard. While I was so into the kiss I felt his hand going inside my panties and I arched my back when he touched my clit. It felt wonderful and soon I was wishing he would do something more; I moaned and he learnt what I wanted.

As much as I love what his hand was doing I rather have him. "Jacob, please," I breathed out.

"I don't know, Ness… are you ready?" he teased me.

"You tell me," I whispered and a huge smile appeared on his handsome face. My hands that were on his back traveled to the hem of his pants. I unfastened his belt and unbuttoned his pants; I pushed them down and Jacob threw them somewhere on the floor. I finally felt his desire for me against my upper thigh and by then my heart was threatening me to rip my chest open. I grew a pair and overcame my shyness by taking my hand down Jake's torso, inside his boxers and grabbed him. He hissed burying his head in my neck; I stroked him a few times until his hand came to stop me; I left his boxers and he pulled the remaining piece of clothes on me. Again I felt self-conscious about being full naked but it was my Jacob after all; Jacob took off his boxers, leaned over me and reached out to grab something from his nightstand. When I saw the condom I blushed; I didn't know that was even possible after being full naked but I did. He winked at me and put it on him and came back between my legs; he stared at my eyes looking for my permission to continue. I grabbed his face; nodded and kissed him.

**A/N2:**** Okay so maybe you guys are mad because I stopped there but I really don't know if I can continue with a lemon. This is the first time I try to write one.**

**Maybe if you guys show me some love then I can find the courage to write it to its end. *blink*blink***

**The pictures of the characters are on my profile in case you feel curious about how Esdras looks or maybe Holly.**

**The next chapter it's gonna be from Jake's POV, we're gonna read about Jacob and Holly's break up, a pshyco-Holly and some other things important to the story. Liz' next chapter will be up this week. It's a promise.**

**I can attempt to write the rest of the lemon if I feel your love guys! Reviews!**


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